As a young girl and, honestly, until recently I always pictured my progress in the world according to my values and my identity that I have built over my life. I would either be going up on a ladder, going down, or falling onto my face depending on whether I lived up to those values and expectations or not. Add to that, high anxiety and low self esteem. This has resulted in years of comparing myself to others. I worried about anyone getting higher on any ladder. Sometimes I felt like I was looking around to make sure nobody was going to knock my ladder over.
This is not how I picture this life anymore. I still want to be facing the right direction and chasing my goals. But it’s not always about progress in the area where you would like to put your focus.
For example, I was a runner. A long distance runner in high school. And a treadmill runner in my older years. I would do anything to be able to run like that again. But my body is not able to do that in the way I used to at the moment. This does not mean I am low on the ladder of physical fitness for me. For a person with chronic pain, any physical movement in the day that ends on a positive note is a good thing. I can’t control how high I can climb on that proverbial ladder.
In other news, I stink at throwing anything. I turn back the progress that women the world over have made when I throw anything. It is pathetic. Wind up, throw with all my might and it would sail beautifully through the air all few feet. I practiced for hours one summer trying to get just the right angle and release. It was so embarrassing every. single. time. It would actually stop the game while everyone felt bad for me. Bless me for trying. That does not mean I am low on the ladder of throwing. And that I shame women everywhere with my less than valiant effort.
I play the piano well. That doesn’t mean I am towering over others on their low rung of I-wish-I-had-listened-to-my-mom-and-stayed-in-piano-lessons. I do not look down at them from my throne and laugh at their efforts. And yet when I am on the “low rung” that is what I am feeling from the masses.
I have changed my thoughts on this.
Now, I see a grid of light. At each crossroads there is a woman doing her very best. Sometimes it is less-than and her light is dim. Sometimes in her great efforts she shines brightly. On this grid are so many women with so many varied talents. Each offers bright light in some areas. And needs the light of others in her areas that are dimly lit. I can share the light I have to offer. I can play the piano at a funeral for someone I barely knew. I have supported my boys in their musical talent with the light I can offer in that area. I needed the support of others when it came to teaching my boys to throw. Thankfully, none of them got my arm. I have not been able to pass on my love of running to them as they have grown up, for the most part, through years that I have not been able to run. But they know my desire and they see my efforts. And when that wasn’t enough they could look to other examples of physical fitness.
I want to offer the light I have in any area I can. I want others to know they can borrow my light when theirs is dim. I want to trust in and allow others to lend their light in the areas where I am struggling. Some areas are due to circumstance. Some are due to our own choice. Some to the choices of others.
There is no comparison in this grid. Comparison is never useful. We either feel bad about ourselves, less than or better, more than. Neither is a good place to be. Comparison here, in this space of light, becomes compassion. Where can I lend my light? Where do I need the light of others?
I choose to use this perspective with women because I think we need each other. We need to recognize that, as a shirt I read says, We Are All Babes. We each have light to offer and need to borrow the light others can give.
Speaking of light, I LOVE THE SUN. I know that getting my feet on the ground and in the dirt and sand is healing. My one piece of advice this week is to get outside as much as possible. Ditch the shoes and get your feet on the grass (if you can find a dry spot). The earth has healing properties. If you watch certain kids and all dogs, you will see their love of the earth. Dogs will wriggle into the ground and dig on instinct. Kids also on instinct collect rocks and will lay on the sand or grass given the chance. I enjoyed a book I listened to on the subject titled, Earthing written by Clint Ober. It seemed wonky to me at first but as in so many other things, necessity is the mother of trying something weird.
Let me know what you think of this idea. And if you want to give this whole forest bathing thing a try, send me an email from my contact page. I hope to see you in the forest my sweet friends.
SUNBEAM ACRES 