Nature is not only all that is visible to the eye… it also includes the inner pictures of the soul.
-Edvard Munch
I was listening to the book, Spare, by Prince Harry today. It is an easy listen and more enjoyable than I expected it to be.
He writes, in regards to his training to become a helicopter pilot, about “hover monkeys”. He describes flying in a helicopter as, “one of the purest forms of flying, in many ways.” Prince Harry writes, “The first time I ascended vertical I thought, ‘I was born for this’.”
He then asserts that it was not learning to fly the helicopter that was the most difficult part. But learning to hover. He tells the reader, the harder you try to hover, the more impossible the task seems to be.
This phenomena is what is known as “hover monkeys”. When the helicopter is close to the ground, there are many factors at play. He writes how the helicopter will rock about as though there are monkeys hanging from its skids. To be able to land a helicopter safely, one must learn how to shake off those hover monkeys.
My mind quickly made connections to my experience with chronic pain. The complications that go with chronic pain, I liken to attempting to fly a helicopter. With no training. Where did all these switches come from? What do they control?
Those hover monkeys are the gremlins that take my life from a solid 5 to a wobbly 1.
Over time I have learned to live in this body. But I still struggle from time to time. I will find myself suddenly and completely off balance. Pesky hover monkeys! **shakes fist**
What are my hover monkeys? What are those things that are making me rock about as though there are too many factors at play? And the harder I try to control them, the worse the swaying about becomes! How can I shake off my hover monkeys? How can the forest help me as I search for control? Instead of frantically grasping at the controls in our helicopter analogy, how can I hold an authentic control? These are the questions I will be exploring today.
But first, if you know someone that is struggling, share this post with them. I appreciate all the love I get about the blog, in person and online. Thank you!
Prince Harry writes that he and his fellow pilots grew to hate these little hover monkey gremlins. Following are a few of the things that throw me off balance and act as my hover monkeys.
I expect all my chronic comrades will concur that hover monkeys exist. But I would be surprised if they are the same for all those who suffer. Which ones do you share with me and what would you add? Feel free to comment at the bottom of the page. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
My Hover Monkeys: The Troubles That Knock Me Off Kilter
Pretending I’m okay when I’m not. Doing something more physically demanding than my body can do. Even with close friends and family. I do this because sometimes it is easier to pretend. It is exhausting to try and explain (then defend) my condition. I feel like I’m speaking a foreign language. A language that some will question the validity of its existence. The general public does not understand the concept of feeling unwell all the time. I look fine so I don’t let on. Inevitably I do more than I should and I pay the price. In time and energy to recover. Hover monkey.
The right people need to know…
When I picture my exercise routine for the future those hover monkeys knock me about. The lead up to a workout is tense. ‘This is going to hurt’. The workout itself isn’t always awful. Sometimes it’s even enjoyable. But the immediate payoff is always pain. I don’t get that rush out of accomplishing something difficult. For me, the difficulty is actually coming at me like a Mack truck. Often on the way out the doors of the gym, every once in a while not until the following morning. The overall payoff to my exercise is that my muscles are strong enough to keep the joints in place. This makes the pain worth the overall gain. But what daily stares me in the face is pain. Pain for every workout till the end of time. In this, and so many areas, the future seems bleak. Hover monkey.
Comparing myself to others. How dare I complain when there are those who suffer worse. There are people with my condition that can’t leave their house! What do I have to complain about? I have nothing to show for the pain. Maybe I am imagining the symptoms. I am such a failure. Why are other people going to hangout when it is like 18pm? None of this is helpful thinking. Multiple hover monkeys.
I am a burden to others. I slow things down. I forget all the things. ( I previously played the role of frontal lobe for the entire family!) I feel worth less now that I can’t play that role. Among others. Even on low pain days I wonder if a flare is around the corner. This affects every day and all the decisions I make. If I just tried harder. I should be successful in avoiding or ignoring the pain. This condition has affected my mental health and taken over my life. Anxiety over so many things always lingers making me hard to live with. Hover monkeys.
And one last hover monkey that’s been on my mind and on my helicopter skid lately. Grasping. I think of “season one me”. I saw something once that said, If you knew me in my 20s you knew “season one me”. We were severely underfunded and the writers were crap. (or something like that) “Season one me” would grasp at everything and everyone. Believe me! Care about me! Look at what is happening and feel bad for me! Validate me! Now I know I can do all that for myself. But like it says, “season one me” was severely underfunded. I have to remember to hold instead of grasp. I do my best to hold a space to listen first. I am learning to give the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. I share my thoughts and feelings. But if they aren’t understood or accepted by others, my self worth should remain untouched. I am learning about boundaries. And how much I can show up for others based on what I have to offer. Not based solely on their needs. I don’t chase people around to convince them of anything. I offer and hold space for what they are willing to take. This is a hover monkey I am getting under control but he still shows up every once in a while.
A Lesson in Hover Monkey Ridding: Restoring Balance
Prince Harry writes the only way to get rid of helicopter hover monkeys is to ignore them. As such, this is where our analogy comes to an end. The earth offers healing from hover monkeys. However, we only benefit when we go out and enjoy it. Here are six different ways that I have felt the earth healing me.
- Among people I often put on a show, in nature I can be exactly who I am. I am accepted as I am. Including strained. Grouchy. Distressed.
- The sound of song birds is quite welcome at all times. But waking up to the sound of birds singing and playing is so enchanting. It starts my heart in the right mode for the day. (perhaps that is why Disney princesses keep them on standby)
- The trees take away my worries and subdue some pain receptors. I can sit by a tree and watch the ants work. As anxiety and angst are drained away while taking their antics in.
- The wind can be a nuisance. But on closer inspection it wipes clean. It carries away. It dries up and cools. When I stand in a strong wind I feel the strength it takes to counteract. I am grateful for the reminder to fight and conquer. As well as accept and welcome.
- I love to take in the night sky. Especially one lit by only the vast number of stars or northern lights. They remind me of the great universe and that in the immensity of it all, I am known. Loved. Numbered. This calms my often rattled nerves.
- And the namesake of my blog, the sunbeams take away all the dark parts. They warm. Lighting the often cloudy and dark way through pain.
I was walking deep in the woods, and I saw how the sunlight reached down between the trees to touch the tiny plants. We are loved more than we will ever know.
-J. Lynn, Life in Whispers
I can take lessons from an unwelcome guest in my house. A spider. One day my teenage son came upstairs to tell me about the huge spider that he saw in his room. And then he lost it. So he had to move out of that room now. I understand the sentiment. Even critters that have no place in our homes teach us handy tips if we are willing to watch closely.
- a spider, not so beautiful in my eyes, but a spiderweb, that I can appreciate, (as long as I am not accidentally walking through it and brushing up on my ninja skills to get it off) a spiderweb is a picture of strength and beauty in the right circumstance, think of it with morning dew and the early sun glinting off of it, in the right perspective anything can be a thing of beauty and strength, even pain
- a quiet corner is often the best place to hide, we crave times and places of calm
- spiders molt and shed as they grow (ew), I often need to check in with myself to make sure I am not hanging on to anything that I should shed, any thoughts I have outgrown and can leave behind as I grow to bigger and better things
- all that you need comes from inside you, where does all that webbing come from? they can produce so much of it on demand, you also have all the tools you will need to accomplish your purposes inside you and they will be available as you need them
- there are thousands of species of spiders, don’t try and join a species where you don’t fit, find yours and thrive within
And then her body whispered, i’m not fighting against you, i’m fighting for you. In the ways you never got to. Through pain and tension, I learn to communicate the boundaries you never learned to set. Through fatigue and exhaustion, I give you the rest that you were never allowed to take. Through the headaches and brain fog, I let you know that you are doing too much. You see, I’ve always been on your side. I’m just waiting for you to be on mine.
-@lexyflorentina
She quietly expected great things to happen to her, and no doubt that’s one of the reasons why they did.
Zelda Fitzgerald
Life is for living
Open the windows.
Dance in the kitchen
as you cook.
Play that music loud.
Turn off the news.
Check in with someone you love.
Get some fresh air.
Watch the beautiful show nature
is putting on for us right now.
Leave the negative online
discussions behind.
Unfollow the chaos.
Feel alive again.
- @butterfliesandpebbles
I can shake off hover monkeys by taking in the beauty of the earth. I can allow it to heal and settle me. I can witness and learn from even an unwelcome house guest. Tree hugging is a thing and more people should do it. I can expect good things to happen instead of fearing the worst. I can live my life in the most thrilling and fulfilling way possible. I can be happy while I’m hurting. I can be happy while I am healing. All at the same time. 👇🏼 I will grasp less and focus more. 👇🏼
Your garden isn’t thriving because every time a flower blooms you cut it to prove to someone else that you’re a gardener. Focus, please.
-Jody McPhearson
Forest Therapy: No Trees, No Problem!
And now an answer to a question many people are asking. What if I don’t live near a forest? Then how do I do forest therapy? There are many ways to get a dose of forest therapy. Here are a few ideas on how to get your daily dose. And make forest therapy more accessible for those of us with no forest out our front door.
- Garden Therapy: (in bare feet if you can) getting your hands into the soil, requiring a level of physical exertion, with time in the sunshine and grounding effects of the dirt you will feel the effects in no time
- One tree is all you need. You can feel the revitalizing effects of grounding.
- While I often speak in terms of being in the forest among the trees, a meadow will meet the needs of a forest bath
- Sound bathing and meditation is another way to access the benefits of grounding, your feet don’t have to touch the earth so it’s a good alternative for us Northern dwellers in the winter
- Aromatherapy is a way to bring the outdoors to the indoors. The authentic thing is always better but when it isn’t an option, aromatherapy is a good choice
- Indoor plants are a good way to keep the feeling of life and vibrancy during the winter months as well
With any of the above, all you need to do is set aside time. Time where you can avoid distractions and focus on your mind and your body. Breathe. Set an intention to use this time to reset. Make physical contact with bare skin. Close your eyes and breathe some more. If it’s possible, stay here until you are centered.
Where possible, join me in our dang decent “pretend forests” in Saskatoon. And our actual beautiful forests only a short drive away. Or stay tuned on how to access the online forest therapy walks that I will post. The ones that are further away that I can bring to you!
in our bones we need the natural curves of hills.. the whisper of pines, the possibility of wildness.
-Richard Louv
Remember to share this post or my landing page with anyone that will benefit. Take care, my friends. Good luck with your hover monkeys. Identify then shed.
SUNBEAM ACRES 