I have talked with too many women who, like me, are currently dealing with daily, chronic pain. And due to years of suffering with no exact source that can be named or found they now picture themselves in a life story where they have been written off as weak of character because of the limitations of their body, mind or spirit. They have lost themselves to the pain and are running on empty. Have you also felt misunderstood or so very small while trying to seek understanding and support? To the point you feel it’s not worth the effort anymore?
This has been my experience.
As a society we have benefitted immensely from the study and practice of western medicine. I know phenomenal healthcare workers. We need more people like them. They are fabulous at their jobs. Sadly, that world of medicine has not held the resolutions I needed. Through my experience I have learned, western medicine is not the only answer.
I don’t fit a simple diagnosis. I have extreme hyper mobile joints. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not an easy fix. And yet, contrary to popular belief, my pain exists. Doctors don’t know what to do with me, so the answer has been to live with it. Manage the symptoms and put up with pain.
But my body decided that wasn’t good enough and it started to shut down on me. Since that time, I’d like to say I started listening. But I’m a mom that had stuff to do. Luckily, MY mom noticed and made me pay attention. She literally saved my life. (Thanks Mom!👍) She has led me to the resources and health care team that I need, not only to survive but to thrive.
One method of healing that has been of great worth to me is the practice of grounding. I will go into greater detail in later posts but the idea is to connect to the earth and access its healing properties. To take this to even greater benefits, one should connect with nature on all levels. Physical, emotional, social and spiritual. Through taste, smell, sight, sound and touch. This method I will explain, is one I have found of greatest advantage, lowest cost, and gentle enough for even the most unhealthy and toxic ridden among us.
I promise I’m not crazy, new age, or trying to convert you to a cult. Stick with me here.
All I know is that somewhere in my great efforts to learn and practice grounding and other methods, I started to hope that there was a better life ahead and I was worth this campaign to come back to life. The aggravating pain started to subside. I could see what was helping me and how it could help others. All this led to the decision that it is worth the daily grind. Nobody could do this for me. I was ready to find relief. It came in the form of forest therapy.
For years now, I’ve been on a journey to find better health for myself, most recently, through grounding and now forest therapy. Actually, until not long ago, it’s been less of a journey and more of a marathon. With mudslides and hurricanes. And zombies and ninja mice (I hate mice). Sometimes I’m on a roller coaster, sometimes circling another drain. And yet, in the marathon, I have met some of the best people and found healing in the places and ways I least expected. And although some days it has taken all the energy of my soul, I dare say I’m stronger now. A strength like the intertwining roots of a forest, each piece of knowledge entangled with the next. Holding up what I have come to recognize as great worth to me.
Doctors have tried to help me find answers. In that effort there is more pain. The physical pain I saw coming. The emotional pain would come out of nowhere and slap me in the face. I have experienced months of waiting to see a specialist who I hoped would have the answers and instead, I was asked why I even came to see him as my condition has nothing to do with his specialty. ‘Sir, I can’t even pronounce your specialty. And btw I’ve been putting all my hopes on this. Holding to the faith that something can improve. But thanks for your diagnosis of don’t- let- the- door- hit- you- on- the- way- out.’ On another occasion I was told there is nothing doctors can do if I don’t want to take the medication (they literally laughed at me and said I’d be back for it), as though I’m an obstinate child and not a woman that knows my body and how it will react. One time in a first ever patient-doctor interview, after giving him some basic symptoms, he jumped to erroneous conclusions and told me if I wasn’t going to get up off the couch he couldn’t help. I was going to have to make an effort 😒. He had no idea the efforts I’d made. I hope he’s had a chance to rethink his bedside manners. On leaving a doctor’s office I heard the heartbeat in another room where a mom-to-be listened and my heart crumpled with the memory of when that was so recently me. In the days before my miscarriage. Instead, I was the woman walking out after a miraculous pregnancy that ended suddenly without any medical reason after 10 years of trying. That tiny one and all the joy of having another baby quietly slipped away one morning. I have had surgery after surgery and medication after medication offered as the best and only solution. I have made up my mind. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I want to practice what I’ve gained in going into the forest.
I call this blog Sunbeam Acres, if you go down in the woods today…
I hope I have rays of light to share with you that will brighten your day. Bright little idea babies that you can take and turn into whatever works for you. My ideas will connect you to the forest and to your roots.
Sunbeams take me to my roots. In our church I sang Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam. That beloved song that sends 3 and 4 year-olds flying off their chairs in a most irreverent fashion. I like things that take me to my roots.
Trying to take care of my body could be compared to trying to catch a sunbeam. It seems like a particle of dust floating around that I can never quite grasp. I have grown in understanding my body and how to make it work for me. Instead of running after all the sunbeams I have allowed them to come rest on me. I hope my thoughts can warm you to your soul like sitting on the damp leaves on a quiet summer morning looking into the acres of forest around you, each tree representing a possibility for your life. You can let my thoughts float around you and see what lands. Some particles instantly disappear into your being because they’re right for you. Anything that’s incorrect for you can float on past. We don’t have to agree on everything to be friends here 😁. Each of us will have a different journey into our own metaphorical forest.
My condition has taken me to dark places. where I have yearned for anything that offered the smallest ray of light. This blog is an effort to stave off the darkness for myself and reach through my own canopy of doubt, for the light others have to share. I will share what I have learned as I have gone out into the forest. You are welcome to sit back and learn or to join me in a forest walk of healing.
I offer validation for anyone who may be suffering with daily, unexplained pain that cannot be treated or found. Hear me now, you are important enough to do whatever you need to do to have your best quality of life. It is worth the effort. There is hope. You are worth the time and when you don’t have the energy, seek support.
And for anyone who knows of my struggle and has ever asked me, So, what do you have? Are you feeling better yet? Or even, What are your symptoms? and I gave a blank stare or a stammered response that’s somewhere between scripted and implausible, this is the whole answer. It’s gonna take me an entire blog to explain myself and how to use the forest and all of nature, that is available to you, to take your own healing to the next level.
With the knowledge I pass on you will hear the story of me and my chronic pain. It is big and diverse. And now I know it’s worth sharing (even if only my mom reads about it)😉!
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SUNBEAM ACRES 