I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.”
-Lewis Carroll
Have you heard the term ‘soul investment’? I am determined to make this a year that I invest in my soul. For me that includes times for what matters to me. Here is my short list. Play. Rest. Meeting my own unmet needs. Being authentic. Self care. This is my non- comprehensive list of criteria that I will prioritize to invest in my soul. As you read the post today, think about what your list is. To invest in your soul.
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Chronic anything is exhausting. My chronic comrades understand this. A thought occurred to me this week. It is also exhausting feeling obliged to constantly make lemonade out of the lemons life has brought to us. While the premise has its merits, when one has to make lemonade indefinitely, the exercise starts to feel futile. As chronic comrades we can set time aside to invest in our soul. This is my solution to keep the sugar supply coming for that constant demand on lemonade.
Are you tired of all the New Year’s resolution talk? It’s February already people! I’m somewhat embarrassed by a few of my goals. People traveled across mountains in wagons and I have ‘drink water’ on my to do list. What if instead of goals or resolutions, we talk about it in terms of investments in our soul. Know what you want and go for it.
👇🏼 This is my new dream! 👇🏼
Soul Investments
Soul investment is a term I heard recently. Souls have need to be invested in. Do you know what your soul needs? What if you thought of it as an investment? We are all either growing or dying. Do you agree? There is no standing still. If you are investing in yourself you are growing.
But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.
-Haruki Murakami
Where do you want to experience growth? Physical strength or stamina? Mental strength and stability? Are you going to grow with the flow or be caught up by it and yanked around? Will you stand around looking for someone to lower the difficulty setting on your life? Or will you start making your own adjustments that will take you where you want to go?
When we speak of investing, it is more often in terms of finances. I know nothing about financial investing. But if I understand the basics. We take what we have. We place it in the hands of those that can make it grow. (Or we take time to learn for ourselves.) Hoping this practice will give us greater resources and opportunities for the future.
What if you applied that to your soul? Take what you have. Time, energy, resources. Allocate some of that to a space where it can grow. If you choose your allocations wisely, you will indeed have greater resources and opportunities in the future.
My short list of soul investing includes play, rest, meeting my own unmet needs, choosing authenticity, and taking time for self care. Here’s how that looks in my life as I strive to prioritize soul investments.
Play
I had to work to figure out what types of play I enjoy. I had to remember how to play. I was led in one book to think back to about the time I was between age 6 and 8. Before the influences of others changed my perception. What did I enjoy doing?
It took time but I remembered, I looove the swingset on a playground. If I can get a turn without pushing young children out of my way. It is a happy place for me. I love the motion and freedom. This is what I did as a young child. This is where I developed a friendship that started in elementary school. She continues to be a dear friend to this day 💗. On the swing is where I spent a most heart wrenching evening last spring. And on the swing is where I played and laughed with friends just a couple of summers ago.
What gets you into that reminiscent mood? Where did you spend your childhood days? Jump rope? Biking? Is there an element of play that you can re introduce into your life? Can you bake it into your routine? This way, it becomes something you automatically and joyfully do, rather than just another task. Maybe it’s dancing!
Grandchildren seem to be fabulous play partners. I highly recommend them. I enjoy recalling my own youth and days of raising my boys. As I watch the unfolding comedic dramas of my grand kids.
Rest
Rest is an act of faith. Sometimes I have to talk myself into resting. I remind myself that I know my body and what it needs. It is right and good that I should focus on rest and recovery at times. That is my job at this time.
I’m learning the importance of our circadian rhythms. Here is a brief overview. If it is of interest to you, I suggest you do some further research on the subject. For most of us, brief is best.
Our best chance for a deep, healing sleep is between the hours of 10pm and 2am. I have no problem being in bed by 8 or 9. But I struggle to set a time to turn off screens. I find it difficult to discipline myself and choose a standard time to fall into sleep.
My understanding is that around 5am there is an amount of cortisol released to start the waking process. Towards 7am blood pressure rises. Melatonin secretion stops. By 10am we are at our most alert state. By 2pm our coordination is at its most optimal. 3:30pm is when we display our best reaction time. 5pm is when our cardio and muscular strength peak. 6pm is when our blood pressure is at its highest. 9pm our melatonin secretion starts up again.
Working with this structure will give us the greatest chance for success. These hours and how they look for each of us will be different. I suggest working with the outline will feel like the least uphill battle. Here are some suggestions of what to do during those hours to get the most out of them.
- 5am watch a sunrise or stretch
- 7am breakfast, intention setting, walk
- 10am focused work, output, this is when we have the best clarity and concentration
- 12-2pm lunch, relax, nap, recover
- 2pm study, research, learn, then get outside
- 5-7pm share a meal, socialize
- 8pm night ritual, reading, idea creation, journaling, meditation
- 10pm sleep
Meeting My Unmet Needs
This is a big one. As an adult we still have needs. The same way a child has needs. They look different at different ages. We can go back and heal these parts of ourselves.
Disclaimer: The following should only be attempted while you are at a good baseline emotionally. I am not a trained therapist. This is an introduction only.
Inner child healing work. This is how it can look. I sit in a quiet spot where I will not be distracted. I picture a scene from my past that still comes to mind and bothers me. I see myself at whatever age I was when it occurred. I feel that little girl’s feelings. And then I take control of the situation. As my adult self. I talk to my young self. I soothe her emotions. I give her the information and the tools to come out of that upsetting time. I stand close and offer her my hand so she can follow me out. We don’t have to stay there anymore. We head to the light. I give her a hug and promise I am always close if she needs me.
Last week I talked about how trauma can flip our basic human thoughts around. Our wounded inner child works much the same way. We don’t even realize until we start to unpack those thoughts. This is hard work but remember that your bad days are part of your good life.
The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.
-Yasmin Mogahed
This here ☝🏼 is how we re- parent ourselves ☝🏼. And how to parent our children and grandchildren too. Thereby meeting our own unmet needs here and now.
Be Authentic
Be authentic. As a chronic everything manager, I do not have the time or energy to be inauthentic. I understand and foresee the cycle of chronic pain. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMORE. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE IN PAIN ALL THE TIME. THIS IS THE WORST AND I CAN’T HANDLE IT FOR ONE MORE MINUTE! I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
Maybe that’s okay. Any therapists can pipe in here. I find the authentic me in this cycle. The me with chronic pain. She has breakdowns once in a while. As long as I don’t spend too much of my time there. I don’t have to hold it together all the time.
Recognize that when you are going about your daily activities you are doing more than is on the surface. If you are one of my chronic comrades you will be experiencing pain, fatigue, etc. And on top of that, add this to your daily check in. Not just what is my pain level. Also ask yourself, what is my distress level. They co exist and distress can be over any aspect of our chronic lives. It is real and I need to take time to acknowledge it.
Another way I try to be authentic to my self and support my soul investment. Is by only saying ‘yes’ when I can do so authentically. I have found that when I do not give an authentic ‘yes’, it is then a resentful ‘yes’. Nobody knows what I am going through but me. So when others don’t understand and require more than I can give. It is still okay to say ‘no’. It leads to far less problems in the long run.
Self care- cocoon stage
Lastly today, I want to share some ideas on self care. This is not the type of self care with bubble baths and candles. That has its place. But I want to share this idea I learned, of a cocoon stage. When I experience one of those times in the cycle, the aggravating times. The times I feel I can’t go on. It is normal to go into a cocoon stage. It is a time to focus on my emotional health. It is a time to read. To cook. To get out in the sun. Find new ways to be creative. A time to reconnect with myself. Listen to podcasts that inspire me. I set boundaries so I can take this time. If I take the time and use it well, I emerge each time, a different version of me.
Here are some ground rules for the cocoon stage. Don’t judge yourself, the timing, or the process. Do the things you truly enjoy or have always wanted to try. From the outside this is likely to appear as a period of rest. Not so. This is hard work. So rest during the process. Not everyone will understand the need for this cocoon stage. That has to be okay. Give your nervous system the time it needs.
Then emerge. A beautiful butterfly. ☝🏼 This is how I picture someone that has taken time for soul investment 💗 .
These are ways I invest in my soul. How do you invest in yours? Perhaps some forest therapy? 😉
Head over to my contacts page for more information or to book a session for the spring. Take care my friends.
SUNBEAM ACRES 