Understanding Depression in Chronic Illness: Signs and Strategies

I walked a mile with Pleasure
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

-Robert Browning Hamilton

Have you found learning in your greatest sorrows? Chronic pain has changed the landscape of my life. Through the sadness and heartache. It has been my own school. A specific training.

Searching for Joy in the Gloomy Neighborhood

As humans, we all experience seasons of grief and depression. There are times in this life that those emotions are the correct and measured response. Chronic everything has led me to more than one season of grief. But I don’t want to live in the neighborhood of depression. It is appropriate and healthy to visit grief and sadness at times. However, I believe that to live in the community of peace and joy will give me the greatest satisfaction.

Today I will explore the relationship between chronic illness and depression. I will share what I have noticed, and what has helped me.

I want to take a moment to send a shoutout to all those that have subscribed to the blog. And a big thank you for all the loving feedback. If you know someone that suffers with chronic illness, chronic pain, &/or chronic fatigue. Take a minute to share either my landing page: sunbeamacres.ca or any specific post. There are so many people that are hurting and have tried it all. They have lost hope. I was there. I don’t want anyone to suffer the way I did for a moment longer than is necessary. Offer them a sunbeam of hope.

Do you know the signs of depression? Would you recognize it in yourself or others?

Disclaimer: I am not a trained counselor or psychologist. This post is meant to be used as suggestions from a friend. A friend who has been there. If you have medical issues, talk to your doctor. If you have mental health concerns, talk to your therapist. If you are looking to break the cycle of unmanaged pain and fatigue, that’s where I can help.

What You Need To Know

Here is a my list of things to watch for in regards to depression. This is not meant to diagnose. Just to raise a red flag for you to talk to your doctor.

1. Brain fog- this is tricky because brain fog is a side effect of our illness, our medications, our inability to sleep, but if you notice an increase in brain fog, take note (literally, write it down or you will forget)
2. Messy- there may be a lack of care for appearance and living space, again some people are just messy, this is more mess than usual, and not caring about it
3. Feeling worse around others- you know the people in your life that lift you up, if you feel dull and dragged down around your tribe, that indicates something is off
4. Your own thoughts drag you down- have you heard of ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) these are powerful and constant, pay attention to the ANTs, the way you talk to yourself internally
5. Hobbies are not energizing- we all need creative and physical outlets, those activities that normally bring you joy suddenly seem like a chore
6. Acting more irritable and trying to drag others down with you when going into a depression spiral
7. Wanting to be at home, alone, all the time- some of us are home bodies, but having a desire get out and socialize is part of our beings, we get to choose the tribe and the activity, I don’t think we can choose to not need anyone
8. Constant fatigue- again, tricky with meds and side effects and flares, but for no other reason, you are more fatigued than usual
9. View of the world is negative- we all have to navigate this world we live in, it can be tricky, but when all we can see is the dark side of everything, something is up
10. Losing dreams and goals- lack of mental energy to plan ahead, all you can see is a dreary future

Do you see yourself or someone you love in this list? How about in this image? 👇🏼 When we ignore the signs of depression, it will start to manifest in physical symptoms.

The Wacky World of Chronic Illness Factors

Do you have triggers that initiate your depression? It’s good to know your triggers. And yet, in my experience, anything can trigger depression in chronic illness. Cold weather. Holidays. Waking up. Going to bed. Getting together with friends. Not getting together with friends. There are so many layers of emotion.

are u ok? im literally a forest fire and i am the fire and i am the forest and i am the witnesses watching it

@fringeffect

I used to daydream of a time when I would have no more pain. My life would realign with the trajectory I’d planned for it. But waiting and waiting for something that is never coming led me to despair. With each setback I slipped farther and farther.

Maybe you are like me. When all these emotions hit me, I pushed through. Thinking there were no other options. And (no surprise), the next stop for me was burnout.

Burnout is sneaky because you don’t realize you’re borrowing from tomorrow to push through today.

Emily Leahy

Brain Power Showdown: Healthy Minds vs. Chronic Pain

I have seen images of healthy brains and the brain of someone with chronic pain. My limited understanding (also not a neurologist) is that a brain can be damaged over time. In someone with chronic illness. There is constant activity in centers that should normally be at rest. Information starts to be processed differently. This could explain why over time we develop symptoms such as anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, and difficulty making decisions. The toll our brains take on a daily basis when dealing with pain is no joke.

When I am in crisis mode mentally. My brain is not to be trusted. It is overwhelmed and overworked. Our brains are designed to protect us. But left to their own devices, they do a terrible job. We have to manage them. Especially when they are also dealing with chronic illness. But don’t worry. You are still inside there.

Don’t think the garden loses its ecstasy in winter. It’s quiet, but the roots are down there riotous.

-Rumi

Brain Games: Boosting Your Mental Superpowers

I am learning to manage my brain and my emotions when depressive thoughts come up. Part of that work is affirmations. I can find the words to let go of what is not useful or regain balance with what is useful. For example:

Over generalization thought: “I failed at this so I am a failure at everything.” Counteracting affirmation: “A bad day does not equal a bad life”

Minimizing thought: “Sure I’ve done hard things. But other people are better.” Counteracting affirmation: “My chronic illness does not define me. I can still do hard things.”

Apathetic thought: “I will never get better, why do I even try to manage it?” Counteracting affirmation: “I am worthy of healing.” (healing is different than cure)

Catastrophizing thought: “This is awful and it will never get better.” Counteracting affirmation: “There are good days ahead.”

Isolation thought: “I don’t belong with my loved ones anymore.” Counteracting affirmation: “Not all my thoughts are true, depression lies to me.”

Perceived burdensome thought: “I make their lives harder because I am this way.” Counteracting affirmation: “I am not a burden on those around me, I only think I am.”

Comparison thought: “What is wrong with me? Why do I need so much more sleep?” Counteracting affirmation: “Rest is important and my body deserves it.”

Give Your Negative Thoughts a Run for Their Money: Six Questions to Ask

When an affirmation isn’t enough to chase those negative thoughts away. Here are 6 questions to ask yourself:

1. Is this thought true? Can it be proven in a court of law? e.g. Thought: I am too much for people. True? Not necessarily. Maybe for some people. Or in some situations. It is an opinion. It is not a fact.
2. Is there evidence to prove it? Thought: I can’t handle the pain. Evidence? It sure feels like it some days. But the evidence would suggest that you have been and will continue to handle the pain.
3. What is a more helpful thought? Make sure it is a true thought that you offer yourself. e.g. Maybe I am too much for some people now that I have a chronic illness. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe I like being my true self more than catering to the needs of other people.
4. Is there another way to look at it? Going back to the second example, the thought that I can’t handle the pain. What do I need to survive this flare? Who are my people and what are my supports in place? Start to see the way out.
5. Am I jumping to negative conclusions? Maybe I was never too much for anyone in the first place. The amount of negative energy we spend on anxiety over something that never has and never will happen, is ginormous.
6. What would I say to a dear friend in the same situation? I would speak gently and lovingly to a friend in pain. I would not expect more than she was able to give. I would honor her needs. Can we learn to do that for ourselves?

Healing: A Hike, Not a Sprint!

Instead of absorbing all of the thoughts that your brain produces. Try observing as though you were on the outside looking in.

I do not want to give the impression that if you follow this simple list. Poof! Your depression will be gone. The journey out of depression takes time. It takes mending.

Mending is a story on a sleeve. Mending is resiliency. Mending cheers the heart and soothes the mind. Mending is clever, ancient and wise. Mending is hope. And mending is healing.

How are you healing? I find chronic pain is best survived by surrounding myself with people who understand and commend my quiet, everyday courage. The bravery shown by just getting up some mornings. To a body that does not behave. And a life that is more stressful than most.

Something else ancient and wise that soothes a body and soul. FOREST THERAPY!

Connect with Nature Through Forest Therapy!

We often forget that we are nature. Nature is not something separate from us. So when we say that we have lost our connection to nature, we have lost our connection to ourselves.

-Andy Goldsworthy

I feel this in the winter months. I lose a connection to myself. And to the healing that is available through the earth. I miss having time in nature.

The mountains are in my bones. 
The rivers my veins.
The forests are my thoughts,
And the stars are my dreams.
The ocean is my heart,
Its pounding is my pulse.
The sounds of the earth write
The music of my soul. 

-Wild Woman Sisterhood 

I love nature. I love its music and rhythms and breath. I love its beauty and majesty. It has been my greatest earthly physician.

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.

-Henry David Thoreau

Wrapping It All Up with a Bow!

Chronic everything is heavy. Visit the land of grief and sadness but do not get trapped in the neighborhood of depression. Recognize the signs in yourself or your loved ones. We have a lot of triggers. Including a different life than the one we had planned. I did not plan to spend my 40s living like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But some days. 🤷🏼‍♀ h️ere we are. Be aware of burnout. Chronic pain actually changes the way our brains look and work. Do not discount your struggle. Practice managing your brain by countering negative thoughts with positive truths. Challenge sticky negative thoughts with the six questions. Mending and healing happen best around those who understand the struggle. Forest therapy helps!

Watch my social media to stay up to date on my forest therapy schedule. TBD once the trails are clear.

I’ve Got a Question for You: Enriched with a Gaelic Blessing

You get to decide who you will be. I choose to be the girl on the right. I choose to be a success story. For anyone that wants to join me in this. Here’s my advice: Wear your best clothes! Light your best candles. Get excited about your health and wellness goals. Don’t save them for a future version of you. You are worthy of good things. Now! In whatever form that may be. Get going on your best life. It will look a little different than you had planned, but you are trusted to carry this burden. If you look around, you will see people you are teaching as you go through your suffering. It is not without purpose.

To help you find the strength to keep digging, I leave you with this Gaelic blessing:

Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars
pour their healing light on you...
Deep peace to you.

(doesn't that make you want to go into the forest?!?)