Tag: self-care

The Impact of Self Compassion and Forest Therapy on Chronic Illness

pammunkholm

Blooms break forth from the startled earth. The sky laughs. The trees, abashed, dress themselves in verdant green.

-Rick Yancey

Embracing Your Inner Warrior and Cuddle Bug

Have you heard of fierce self compassion? I have been reading Dr. Kristin Neff’s books. I have learned enough that I think I can convey some of what she teaches. In her research on self compassion, Dr. Neff has become the expert in her field. She has an innate ability to speak to the individual. In a way that is both calming and empowering. I highly recommend her as an author. Her work can be found at self-compassion.org. Stick around to learn about self compassion. And to answer these questions: Why is self compassion significant in healing chronic pain? And how is forest therapy a good support for this type of practice?

Do you know anyone that would gain from a lesson in self compassion? Share this post with them. Hook them up with my social media. And then plan to attend a forest therapy walk together with them in the next week or two. We are so close 😄! Click below to see what forest therapy walks are available so you are ready to book.

forest therapy walks

Nurturing Self-Compassion Through Sensory Awareness

Self compassion comes in many forms. Tactile- running your fingers along the back on your arms, getting the right temperature, pressure from a weighted blanket. Something fuzzy or squishy. Visual- lower the lights in the evening and in a bath, candle light. playing with colors. Auditory- listen to the music or nature sounds that lift your soul. Olfactory- what EO scent helps you feel balanced. Gustatory- a multitude of options from water to ice cream to tea, find what fills this sense for you. In filling these needs for myself, I have noticed a growing sense of self compassion. And it has been a support to me in healing all things chronic.

Note: to me, healing and cure are not the same. healing gets me to a place of functioning. i do not expect a cure in this life. but i would take one if offered. healing takes time. and doing the right stuff. that’s what i’m talking about here.

Another sense that I didn’t realize existed until recently. And I really didn’t pay any attention to it at all. Is interoception. That is my ability to understand the signals my body is giving me internally. For example, hunger, thirst, feeling full, relaxing tense muscles and calming a racing heart. I ignored my interoception signals as a mom of young boys. I prided myself on being able to hold a full bladder all day. Getting to the end of a day and realizing I hadn’t eaten anything. Or had anything to drink. I had to train this sense to be felt again. I had tucked it away but it is important to the overall health and function of my body.

Bursting at the Seams: The Threat of Overcapacity

Another internal neighborhood watch, if you will, is paying attention to my capacity. Knowing it is less at this stage of my life. At home. I only need to take care of myself, I still have a capacity to take on more. I add my family and my home. I am getting up there but all is still well. I add service and church responsibilities. Almost at capacity. Once I hit capacity, I experience emotions like overwhelm. Irritability. Exhaustion. Anxiety.

To decrease the overflowing emotions I can stop taking on anything else until things normalize. I can take a close look at what I have taken on and get rid of non-essentials. I can find the people that have a capacity to support me. Hand them some of what is making me overflow. I can look at specific issues that are in the overflow and problem solve how to manage them. What is in my control and what should I do to have a positive influence on those things? Through it all I speak kindly to myself which also keeps the capacity from boiling over.

Achieving Balance: Three Wins for Success

Dr. Neff’s research has proven that to thrive and find a sense of wholeness in our lives. We need to find a balance between tender and fierce self compassion. In our tender compassion. We recognize that in accepting ourselves, we alleviate our own suffering. This type of compassion leads to inner healing. Our fierce self compassion alternatively, provides a springboard for taking action. We draw boundaries by learning when to say no. We recognize our needs and learn where to say yes. We are motivated in our growth to reach out and have an impact on our world and those around us. This type of change leads to outer healing. It all starts with that balance between tender and fierce self compassion.

Self compassion includes finding ways to meet our own individual needs. To provide for our needs we should set up our day to experience at least three wins. A physical, a mental and a spiritual win.

A physical win can look like a forest therapy walk! Drinking enough water. Eating nourishing meals and getting enough sleep. Deep breathing.

Mental wins can look like reading a book that inspires or educates you. Writing in your journal. Organize an uplifting playlist and enjoy. Or catch up on a podcast or TED talk that can get you to your next level. And here again we can list forest therapy as a mental win. Declutter a space or meditate to clear up some head space.

Spiritual wins are my favorite. Praying or setting intentions for the day. Hey, wouldn’t ya know, a forest therapy walk and spending time enjoying and appreciating nature also hits a spiritual win! Reflect at the end of your days.

The Power of Self-Compassion in the Chronic Illness World: A Gentle Uprising

Not Okay

I am not okay today. 
So, in the absence of okay, 
what can I be?
I can be gentle.
I can be unashamed.
I can turn my pain into connection.
I can be a student of stillness.
I can be awake to nature.
I can sharpen my empathy
against the stone of my discomfort.

I am not okay.
but I am many worthy things. 

-Jarod K Anderson (the CryptoNaturalist)

Some nights, the soul weeps louder than the eyes ever could.

-Edgar Allan Poe

There is a weird phenomenon in the world of the chronically ill. It is the place of the in between. A place between too sick to function and not sick enough to get support. You almost puke but you don’t. Your muscles cramp so bad you almost can’t stand. But you can. You always have pain but it’s not always awful. There is no surgery that will fix it. There is no research being done on it. Because there is a lack of belief that this exists. You forget EVERYTHING, but everyone is forgetful. Your BP is low but not low enough to treat it. Your anxiety is high but they say just manage it. You want answers but doctors don’t think there is one. Have you ever wished you were more sick so you at least have the benefit of a desire for understanding?

Self compassion here says I am just the right amount. For today. I am sick and I can rest even if others don’t understand. I won’t puke but my nausea is enough to be gentle with myself. When my muscles cramp I will take care of them. When there is pain, no matter the level, I will not be upset. I can be tender and inquisitive.

☝🏼 A close look at how symptoms can come out of nowhere and knock you off the couch. ☝🏼

I DON'T LOOK SICK

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but my legs will often feel like wet spaghetti and will go numb and give out on me without warning.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but I live with an intense deep exhaustion that makes every movement feel like I'm trying to move at the bottom of the ocean.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but I suffer from an extremely sensitive heat intolerance that makes me feel light headed, ill and faint even in what feels like a normal room temperature to you. 

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but my nerves often give me "phantom itches" that make me scratch myself raw at an itch that doesn't actually exist.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but inside, my bones often feel like someone is using a jackhammer on them, especially during a change in weather.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but if anything, even something little, stresses or worries me, my body rebels and symptoms flare up just for the fun of it.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but it's extremely difficult for me to concentrate on anything, and as a result my memory suffers drastically.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but the simplest tasks can take me 5 times longer and takes 5 times as much energy to finish that a "normal" person.

I DON'T LOOK SICK, but you'll never know the struggle beneath the surface.

I have been dealing with chronic pain for a while now. There have been weeks where all I could do was lay down. That leaves a lot of time for thinking. I know my thoughts can create my reality. So I want to be careful with them. Since learning this painful lesson I have seen my life blossom as a result.

Over the last few years I have seen my tears turn to blossoms of understanding. Self compassion and holding a space for myself at all of the stages of healing has been critical. At times I can look back and see tender self compassion. When the tears would flow. And I would be okay with it. I would not hold back. Other times I can see evident in my behavior the fierce self compassion that Dr. Neff talks about. Where I learned to set boundaries and how to recognize my own needs. To act for my own best outcome.

In motu, veritas: blooms after the storm. When have you experienced this type of growth?

When all I can see ahead are endless days of pain, I need to take a step back. I know in those times I am getting lost in the weeds of my thoughts. I find a better look out spot and get a sense of what is important. What is true. What is helpful. And the rest is weeded out. This is most likely to happen when I have not set myself as the priority and I need to recalibrate. Self compassion is the key to start the process.

I hope you find time to be happy. Not just strong.

-Louise Kaufman

Life with chronic pain is demanding. But with a combination of fierce and tender self compassion, balance is restored and hope is renewed.

So many days can feel like a struggle. Remember to find something to laugh about and someone to laugh with.

Maybe you could give me a hug and slowly loosen your hold and then you could tell me what my blood pressure is.

I just had a discussion with a friend the other day. We both excelled in school. Yet we struggle in life. Due to chronic illness. We had such high hopes being that we read significantly higher than our grade level. Surely that’s the number one marker for success in later life. This is regrettably not the case. Well that’s a fine how do you do!

The Wonder of Forest Therapy: A New Edge on Chronic Illness Relief

I love the idea of collecting sunsets. In a jar! What can you collect in your forest therapy this season? Campfire collection. Rainbow collection. Starlight collection. Wildlife collection. You can take a mental picture. Sketch it in a journal. Take an actual photograph or video. It does not need to be posted on social media to make it valid. This is your collection. Find what works for you.

When we go for a forest walk together I can offer invitations such as the following.

  • Forest bathe at sunrise or sunset. Find a good perch and invite the sun into the day. Or tuck it into bed at night.
  • Bring your journal and sketch any signs of spring that you see.
  • Dedicate a part of your walk to gratitude, what do you see on your walk that gives you a sense of gratitude

SUSURROUS (adj)- full of whispering sounds

Can you find a susurrous space that enhances your forest experience?

Personal Benefits of Forest Therapy and Self Compassion

I can not put into words the how or the why of forest therapy for pain relief and chronic illness. I can direct you to the work of Kristin Neff for the how and why of self compassion. And I can speak by experience that I am getting my life back as I practice both. As I learn and practice forest therapy. Is it worth the effort for you to try it? Perhaps you will get your life back too.

As we practice compassion for ourselves remember to be kind to one another. We never know what the other is going through. As women, our bodies and our brains go through a lot. Chronic illness, pain and fatigue are a lot. And we all have that one chin hair that we are locked in a lifelong skirmish with. Give each other grace. Enjoy the tale of this Grace 👇🏼 and her way to self compassion. And remember to laugh! Have a great week my chronic comrades!

Investing in Your Soul: A Guide to Personal Growth

pammunkholm

I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.”

-Lewis Carroll

Have you heard the term ‘soul investment’? I am determined to make this a year that I invest in my soul. For me that includes times for what matters to me. Here is my short list. Play. Rest. Meeting my own unmet needs. Being authentic. Self care. This is my non- comprehensive list of criteria that I will prioritize to invest in my soul. As you read the post today, think about what your list is. To invest in your soul.

First, I want to take a moment to welcome all those who have recently subscribed. If you know someone who would benefit from my writings, please share this post with them. And invite them to connect with me on Facebook, X &/or Instagram.

Chronic anything is exhausting. My chronic comrades understand this. A thought occurred to me this week. It is also exhausting feeling obliged to constantly make lemonade out of the lemons life has brought to us. While the premise has its merits, when one has to make lemonade indefinitely, the exercise starts to feel futile. As chronic comrades we can set time aside to invest in our soul. This is my solution to keep the sugar supply coming for that constant demand on lemonade.

Are you tired of all the New Year’s resolution talk? It’s February already people! I’m somewhat embarrassed by a few of my goals. People traveled across mountains in wagons and I have ‘drink water’ on my to do list. What if instead of goals or resolutions, we talk about it in terms of investments in our soul. Know what you want and go for it.

👇🏼 This is my new dream! 👇🏼

Soul Investments

Soul investment is a term I heard recently. Souls have need to be invested in. Do you know what your soul needs? What if you thought of it as an investment? We are all either growing or dying. Do you agree? There is no standing still. If you are investing in yourself you are growing.

But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

-Haruki Murakami

Where do you want to experience growth? Physical strength or stamina? Mental strength and stability? Are you going to grow with the flow or be caught up by it and yanked around? Will you stand around looking for someone to lower the difficulty setting on your life? Or will you start making your own adjustments that will take you where you want to go?

When we speak of investing, it is more often in terms of finances. I know nothing about financial investing. But if I understand the basics. We take what we have. We place it in the hands of those that can make it grow. (Or we take time to learn for ourselves.) Hoping this practice will give us greater resources and opportunities for the future.

What if you applied that to your soul? Take what you have. Time, energy, resources. Allocate some of that to a space where it can grow. If you choose your allocations wisely, you will indeed have greater resources and opportunities in the future.

My short list of soul investing includes play, rest, meeting my own unmet needs, choosing authenticity, and taking time for self care. Here’s how that looks in my life as I strive to prioritize soul investments.

Play

I had to work to figure out what types of play I enjoy. I had to remember how to play. I was led in one book to think back to about the time I was between age 6 and 8. Before the influences of others changed my perception. What did I enjoy doing?

It took time but I remembered, I looove the swingset on a playground. If I can get a turn without pushing young children out of my way. It is a happy place for me. I love the motion and freedom. This is what I did as a young child. This is where I developed a friendship that started in elementary school. She continues to be a dear friend to this day 💗. On the swing is where I spent a most heart wrenching evening last spring. And on the swing is where I played and laughed with friends just a couple of summers ago.

What gets you into that reminiscent mood? Where did you spend your childhood days? Jump rope? Biking? Is there an element of play that you can re introduce into your life? Can you bake it into your routine? This way, it becomes something you automatically and joyfully do, rather than just another task. Maybe it’s dancing!

Grandchildren seem to be fabulous play partners. I highly recommend them. I enjoy recalling my own youth and days of raising my boys. As I watch the unfolding comedic dramas of my grand kids.

Rest

Rest is an act of faith. Sometimes I have to talk myself into resting. I remind myself that I know my body and what it needs. It is right and good that I should focus on rest and recovery at times. That is my job at this time.

I’m learning the importance of our circadian rhythms. Here is a brief overview. If it is of interest to you, I suggest you do some further research on the subject. For most of us, brief is best.

Our best chance for a deep, healing sleep is between the hours of 10pm and 2am. I have no problem being in bed by 8 or 9. But I struggle to set a time to turn off screens. I find it difficult to discipline myself and choose a standard time to fall into sleep.

My understanding is that around 5am there is an amount of cortisol released to start the waking process. Towards 7am blood pressure rises. Melatonin secretion stops. By 10am we are at our most alert state. By 2pm our coordination is at its most optimal. 3:30pm is when we display our best reaction time. 5pm is when our cardio and muscular strength peak. 6pm is when our blood pressure is at its highest. 9pm our melatonin secretion starts up again.

Working with this structure will give us the greatest chance for success. These hours and how they look for each of us will be different. I suggest working with the outline will feel like the least uphill battle. Here are some suggestions of what to do during those hours to get the most out of them.

  • 5am watch a sunrise or stretch
  • 7am breakfast, intention setting, walk
  • 10am focused work, output, this is when we have the best clarity and concentration
  • 12-2pm lunch, relax, nap, recover
  • 2pm study, research, learn, then get outside
  • 5-7pm share a meal, socialize
  • 8pm night ritual, reading, idea creation, journaling, meditation
  • 10pm sleep

Meeting My Unmet Needs

This is a big one. As an adult we still have needs. The same way a child has needs. They look different at different ages. We can go back and heal these parts of ourselves.

Disclaimer: The following should only be attempted while you are at a good baseline emotionally. I am not a trained therapist. This is an introduction only.

Inner child healing work. This is how it can look. I sit in a quiet spot where I will not be distracted. I picture a scene from my past that still comes to mind and bothers me. I see myself at whatever age I was when it occurred. I feel that little girl’s feelings. And then I take control of the situation. As my adult self. I talk to my young self. I soothe her emotions. I give her the information and the tools to come out of that upsetting time. I stand close and offer her my hand so she can follow me out. We don’t have to stay there anymore. We head to the light. I give her a hug and promise I am always close if she needs me.

Last week I talked about how trauma can flip our basic human thoughts around. Our wounded inner child works much the same way. We don’t even realize until we start to unpack those thoughts. This is hard work but remember that your bad days are part of your good life.

The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.

-Yasmin Mogahed

This here ☝🏼 is how we re- parent ourselves ☝🏼. And how to parent our children and grandchildren too. Thereby meeting our own unmet needs here and now.

Be Authentic

Be authentic. As a chronic everything manager, I do not have the time or energy to be inauthentic. I understand and foresee the cycle of chronic pain. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMORE. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE IN PAIN ALL THE TIME. THIS IS THE WORST AND I CAN’T HANDLE IT FOR ONE MORE MINUTE! I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Maybe that’s okay. Any therapists can pipe in here. I find the authentic me in this cycle. The me with chronic pain. She has breakdowns once in a while. As long as I don’t spend too much of my time there. I don’t have to hold it together all the time.

Recognize that when you are going about your daily activities you are doing more than is on the surface. If you are one of my chronic comrades you will be experiencing pain, fatigue, etc. And on top of that, add this to your daily check in. Not just what is my pain level. Also ask yourself, what is my distress level. They co exist and distress can be over any aspect of our chronic lives. It is real and I need to take time to acknowledge it.

Another way I try to be authentic to my self and support my soul investment. Is by only saying ‘yes’ when I can do so authentically. I have found that when I do not give an authentic ‘yes’, it is then a resentful ‘yes’. Nobody knows what I am going through but me. So when others don’t understand and require more than I can give. It is still okay to say ‘no’. It leads to far less problems in the long run.

Self care- cocoon stage

Lastly today, I want to share some ideas on self care. This is not the type of self care with bubble baths and candles. That has its place. But I want to share this idea I learned, of a cocoon stage. When I experience one of those times in the cycle, the aggravating times. The times I feel I can’t go on. It is normal to go into a cocoon stage. It is a time to focus on my emotional health. It is a time to read. To cook. To get out in the sun. Find new ways to be creative. A time to reconnect with myself. Listen to podcasts that inspire me. I set boundaries so I can take this time. If I take the time and use it well, I emerge each time, a different version of me.

Here are some ground rules for the cocoon stage. Don’t judge yourself, the timing, or the process. Do the things you truly enjoy or have always wanted to try. From the outside this is likely to appear as a period of rest. Not so. This is hard work. So rest during the process. Not everyone will understand the need for this cocoon stage. That has to be okay. Give your nervous system the time it needs.

Then emerge. A beautiful butterfly. ☝🏼 This is how I picture someone that has taken time for soul investment 💗 .

These are ways I invest in my soul. How do you invest in yours? Perhaps some forest therapy? 😉

Head over to my contacts page for more information or to book a session for the spring. Take care my friends.