Tag: depression

CBT & Chronic Pain: Finding My Way Back to the Forest

pammunkholm

“Just because you think something, doesn’t make it true.”

-unknown

Today we are talking CBT. Not CBD (that’s a whole other post) But CBT. Which sounds fancy, but it’s really just brain training.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is about noticing the sneaky little thoughts that creep in when life feels unlivable, and learning how to shift them just enough that you don’t get engulfed by it all. CBT is brain training for when your nervous system starts acting like a toddler in a toy aisle. Hyperactive. Impulsive. Emotional outbursts and mood swings. On high alert. Where self regulation becomes difficult.

It doesn’t erase pain (I wish). It doesn’t rebuild the life you’d planned (double wish). But it does help you find a new footing.

Kind of like wandering a forest trail—where you keep tripping on roots you didn’t see, but then you realize… if you slow down, if you watch your step, if you breathe—it’s possible to keep walking.

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As Viktor Frankl once wrote:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

That’s CBT. Not fixing the forest. Just learning how to move through it differently.

Kind of like the friend who kindly takes away your “end of the world” glasses and swaps them out for “yeah, it still sucks, but you’ve got this” glasses.

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Here’s the deal: chronic pain is not just pain. It’s also the grief of losing the version of life I had sketched out in neon colours.

A Preposterous Odyssey: Tales from My Crooked Journey

When pain became my daily companion, I felt like someone had dropped me in a wilderness without a map.

I wanted my old trail—the one I’d carefully planned and marked. Instead, I found myself in dense undergrowth. Nothing looked familiar. Every step hurt.

I’ve missed family trips. Suddenly ended a business my mom built up and passed on to me. Letting go of what it has taken my whole life to build has been heartbreaking.

I have grieved hard. The life I wanted felt like a house I’d just finished building, suddenly bulldozed overnight.

But in CBT, I started to learn that maybe I didn’t need to rebuild that house right away. Maybe I could step outside, find a patch of ground, and plant something small.

The forest became my classroom.

A tree doesn’t “should” itself taller. It just grows where it can. A broken branch still belongs to the tree. Roots tangled around rocks still dig deep.

And I thought—maybe I can live like that too.

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What CBT Looks Like in the Wild

Here’s how CBT shows up when I walk among the trees with pain and grief:

• Catch the catastrophes. In my head: “This pain will swallow me whole.” In the forest it is as the African proverb says, “the wind howls, the trees bend, and yet they do not break.” I remind myself—I can bend too.

• Challenge the “shoulds.” I see seedlings pushing up through moss. They don’t say, “I should be a tall cedar by now.” They just keep growing. Maybe I can let myself do the same.

• Make room for both grief and joy. The forest holds both fallen logs and wildflowers. My life can hold both too.

CBT is not about denying the ache. It’s about learning to see yourself in a bigger landscape—where pain isn’t the only thing growing.

CBT is not about putting a smiley face sticker on a grenade. Instead, it teaches you to make room for the hard stuff—the grief, the frustration, the “I want to throw my heating pad across the room” rage—without letting it bulldoze your entire sense of self.

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Walking With Grief

Grief still ambushes me. It stings when I see friends excelling in their careers and I can’t work. But the forest has taught me: standing still while others are moving is part of my journey.

When I sit against a tree trunk, I feel its strength. I remember that even a tree scarred by disease provides shade. I don’t have to be who I was before. I just have to keep breathing through the life I have now.

As poet John O’Donohue said:

“May you recognize in your life the presence, power, and light of your soul. May you realize that you are never alone, that your soul in its brightness and belonging connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe. “

In the forest, I remember I still belong. Pain or not. Loss or not.

The Buddha (who knew a thing or two about suffering) said:

“Pain is certain. Suffering is optional.”

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The Grief Side of It

CBT also helps when you’re sitting in the grief of the “life you planned.”

When you feel small and useless. When you scroll past everyone’s travel selfies and feel like the human equivalent of a potato.

Instead of spiraling, CBT teaches:

• Notice the thought: “I’m worthless now.”

• Question it: “Would I say that to my best friend in this situation?”

• Replace it with something compassionate: “I’m in pain, but I’m still me. And I still matter.”

CBT doesn’t take away grief. But it helps you walk with it instead of being dragged behind it.

As Mary Oliver wrote:

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.”

I don’t know if chronic pain is a “gift” (feels more like a re-gifted fruitcake). But CBT helps me carry the box without dropping it on my toes. And exacerbating the pain.

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The Bittersweet Nature of Truth

Managing pain you can’t control is brutal. There’s no sugarcoating it. But CBT gives us a fighting chance to stop our thoughts from adding gasoline to the fire.

It’s like teaching your brain to stop shouting “THE HOUSE IS BURNING” when really, the toaster just sparked again.

So here’s to adjusting sails. To finding laughter in the ridiculous moments. To grieving the life we planned, while still living the one we have—beautiful, messy, painful, ridiculous.

Because if we can’t cure it, we can at least outwit it.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

-Charles R. Swindoll

From Suffering to Sturdy: A Journey Forward

Chronic pain that cannot be treated or controlled is brutal. There’s no pretending otherwise. But CBT helps me stop setting up camp in despair. It gives me tools to step back onto the trail—even if I’m limping, even if I only make it a few steps.

And the forest gives me a place to practice.

It whispers: adjust your sails, bend with the wind, let the light through where you can.

So I keep walking. Slowly. Laughing when I have to contort my body to get some joints back in place. Crying sometimes too.

But still walking.

“Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.”

– John Muir

Confronting the Lizard: Battling Depression

pammunkholm

…Winter will be forced to relent once again, to the new beginnings of soft greens, longer light, and the sweet air of spring.

-Madeleine M Kunin

I realize I just talked about depression in my most recent post. This is the direction of my life. So this is the direction of the post today. I cannot make my brain focus on any other subject.

Do you ever feel like you work really hard and things never get better? The harder you try, the worse things get? Is this known as the vegetable of our labour? (I’ll show myself out 😳)

A Fun Dive into the World of Depression

I don’t have much left in me today. I’m sliding from situational depression into full blown depression.

There doesn’t seem to be any reason to try anymore. No matter what I do things get worse. (All or nothing thinking)

Who do I think I am to be writing a blog that maybe 3 people enjoy? (Imposter syndrome)

I want to turn off my light and slide under the covers and just stay there. Until things get better. (Avoidance)

I see the depression hijacking my mind. I know what I need to do. I’ve been here before.

Unleashing the Fight: Your Guide to the Point

But making that first decision to turn and keep fighting is a battle chronic comrades will understand.

Why keep fighting? What is the point?

Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. And that’s why life is hard.

-Jeremy Goldberg

Chronic pain/ illness/ fatigue, always hurt. Choosing courage to participate in life despite the pain is part of our daily lives. Where does it cross the line into stupidity? Where are my efforts wasted? Depression is part of chronic illness. It will always be there. Why fight?

A Different Take on “The Great Divorce”

C.S. Lewis wrote a book called The Great Divorce. It’s not as famous as his other ones like Chronicles of Narnia, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it today. As I work to find a reason to keep fighting this time.

I like this part of The Great Divorce.

I think it’s towards the end of the book, where there’s a man who doesn’t live a good life. He ends up going to hell and (hold onto your hat) he doesn’t like it there!

From what I understand on the subject I wouldn’t want to live there either.

He says it’s black and white, there’s not a lot of color. Everybody’s pretty ornery and there’s lots of long lines.

Wouldn’t that make you think, I’ll do whatever I need to do to stay outta there! I can handle burning and fire, but long lines and ornery people and no color. Oof!

The man learns you can take a tour of heaven. So he gets on the bus and wants to go see heaven. Well, he gets there and he loves it. There’s no long lines. Everybody’s pretty happy and everything’s in color.

And he thinks, ‘I wish I would have lived a better life. I could stay in heaven. This is where I want to be.’

The bus driver, he says, “Hey, get back on the bus.” I don’t know if he’s from Brooklyn, but in my mind, he has a Brooklyn accent.

He’s saying, “Back on the bus, fella.”

The man doesn’t want to go but he starts walking over to the bus. An angel stops him and tells him, “You don’t have to get back on the bus.”

And the man says, “I do. I was just visiting today.”

And the angel says, “Do you like it here?”

And the man says, “Of course, I like it here. I love it here.”

And the angel says, “You can stay.”

The man cannot believe what he is hearing. The angel promises, “You can stay if you want to.”

He says, “I want to.”

And the angel says, “Okay, good. I’m so glad you want to stay. You can be here. But that,” and he points at his shoulder, and it’s this big, red, ugly lizard. (I can see why the book wasn’t super popular.) And it’s sitting on his shoulder. And the angel says, “You can stay, but that cannot.”

You find out later that this represents this man’s sins. This is where I want to take my own spin on this. I apologize for stepping away from Lewis’ intended interpretation. Which is much better than mine.

But today I feel that I have this ugly red lizard on my shoulder. Today that lizard is looming depression. In this, my own interpretation I do not want anyone to think I am saying depression is a sin. It is not. To me, the Savior weeps with and for those struggling with depression.

I’ll carry on the story, I believe it still has deep implications in my different interpretation.

So the man can go to heaven. But his sins (or in my separate interpretation, his depression,) can’t go with him. I have a choice to live in my depression or to choose the atmosphere represented here by heaven.

That’s why this is called The Great Divorce. He had to choose to divorce from his sins. So he could stay in heaven.

Are you able to divorce from your depressive thoughts and tendencies when things go from bad to worse? Do you seek to live in a heavenly atmosphere?

When I am depressed I feel myself losing the ability to see colour. I become more ornery. Everything I do seems like a long line. When I come out from under its grip, I see colour and joy and an easing of pressure.

Back to our story, this red lizard does not want to let go.

The man says to the lizard (it can talk). He says to the lizard, “I need you to leave me because I want to stay here.”

And the lizard says something like, “I’m not leaving you. Do you know how long I’ve been with you? Do you know how many good times we’ve had together? I am not leaving you.” And it starts to grip him with some claws. And he says, “Ow, ow, ow, don’t, don’t.”

When you confront your depression. Does it seem to dig its claws in deeper? Do things get worse?

In the story, there’s an angel and he sees the man in pain and asks, “Can I help you?”

And he’s like, “Well, I don’t want you to kill it. Let me figure it out on my own.”

So the man says to the lizard, “Listen, I really need you to go.”

And the lizard says, “Nope, I’m not going anywhere.

And the angel takes a step forward. “I can help you.”

There are earthly (and I believe, also heavenly) beings reaching out to you. To comfort and support you. Are there times you don’t want to reach back? Because it makes it feel worse. So much worse!

So when the angel takes a step forward, that lizard digs in and he says, “Don’t let him touch me. He can kill me. Don’t let him touch me.”

The man says to the angel, “Don’t come near me. This hurts, when you are close to me.”

When people who love me best and most reach out to comfort me I recoil. Why is that?

Fighting depression and its effects hurts. It can feel like a lizard digging its claws in. Side note: I know of that which I speak. I’ve had a cat hang off of me with just its claws digging in to my chest. I have the scar to prove it. It is painful and makes it hard to focus on anything when something is clawing at you. All focus goes to the pain.

So the lizard has his claws digging in. Pretty soon, the bus driver starts saying, “Hey pal, you got to get on the bus.”

And he says, “Hold on a minute.”

And the angel is there going, “I can help you.”

And he says, “Hold on.”

And the lizard’s talking to him. “Don’t let him touch me.”

“Hey, pal, get on the bus.”

“I can help you. Let me help you. Don’t you want to stay?”

“I want to stay, but don’t get close.”

“Hey, buddy, you’re getting on the bus, right?”

Do you know this confusion? Where everything is fighting for your attention? And thoughts seem to take on a life of their own?

This man has got to make a decision. And he finally looks at the angel, and he says, “Can you do it? Can you really kill it?”

And he says, “Yes, it will hurt more than anything you’ve ever felt in your entire life.”

And the man says, “Oh no.” (This is all a loose paraphrasing, the book is much better.)

But he doesn’t want to go back to hell. He wants to stay in heaven. And the desire to stay in heaven is now worth the pain.

What will it take for you to decide staying in the atmosphere of heaven is worth it? With colour and nice people and no line ups. Is it worth the pain to reach an atmosphere of love and peace? Is it time to allow others to help?

So the man drops to his knees, and he says, “Do it, kill it.”

And the angel comes over, and the lizard freaks out. And it’s just shredding the man’s shoulder. He’s screaming in pain,

Pause.

This might be where you are today. But it is not the end of your story.

at any given moment you have the power to say: this is not how the story is going to end.

-Emily Dickinson

Unpause.

The angel gets to the lizard and grabs it, and it dies, and he throws it. And it’s far away, and the man looks over, and his shoulder is fine.

The man’s shoulder is healed. He’s trying to grasp what happened, and he looks up, and the angel is the Lord. It’s the Savior. And he says, “Now you can stay.”

And they embrace, and it’s a great story. And then his sins turn into a stallion, and come back, and he rides it into heaven. I don’t quite understand that part. But I love the story of, it’s worth it. It’s worth the pain.

If this is your story. Healing is available. It is worth the fight. It is worth the hope. Healing is not the same as cure. Healing is sometimes lifelong. But in the healing there is a happy life.

I want to re- emphasize that depression is not a sin. My interpretation is that the red lizard represents depression instead of sin.

The Grumpy Red Lizard: My Scaly Shoulder-Mate

I have an angry red lizard on my shoulder today. Its claws dig into the tender spots of my heart. ‘I should be working.’ ‘What do I know?’ ‘Who do I think I am?’ ‘I have nothing to offer the world.’

I am writing with my burnt hand about the nature of fire.

-Ingeborg Bachmann

As I reach out to others their support makes me feel worse. Even if they do everything right. That bad feeling wants to stay. Its grip is deadly.

But there is help. I believe in Jesus Christ. He is my Helper. Who is yours?

Sliding into Serenity: My Forest Therapy Flop

I got out on the icy trails today. It was awful. I literally had to hang off of someone’s fence while my feet did a Riverdance trying to find any footing.

I need to get some forest therapy to loosen the grip of that lizard. To get rid of that angry beast. So my heart and soul can feel peace. The forest does not have to be an actual forest. Any spot of nature will do. The more secluded (but safe), the better. It is not just a walk. It is taking nature in through all your senses as you follow the invitations of the guide. I need that. Do you? How is your brain today?

My brain is spiraling today. I saw this line somewhere: I’m going into a spiral, anybody need anything?

But this is not the end of my story.

I see the choice before me. I choose not to dwell. I choose to turn the tides from depression to joy. It feels impossible but I know it is available. I am not battling uncontrolled chemical imbalances. So Joy is an option. Today and Everyday. My Helper is near.

Backward steps are part of the journey. Pain is part of the healing. Rain is in the storm. But it is not the storm. I live my life in pain. But I am not my pain. I will strive to dance in the rain to this new rhythm I’m choosing. A rhythm of joy that only faintly echoes of pain and despair.

Choose joy with me. Despite the pain. Despite the tears. Despite the loss. We can still choose joy. Peace to you, my chronic comrades.

FOREST THERAPY HELPS!

Dear March, Come in-
How glad I am-
I hoped for you before-
Put down your Hat-
You must have walked-
How out of breath you are.
-Emily Dickinson

Understanding Depression in Chronic Illness: Signs and Strategies

pammunkholm

I walked a mile with Pleasure
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

-Robert Browning Hamilton

Have you found learning in your greatest sorrows? Chronic pain has changed the landscape of my life. Through the sadness and heartache. It has been my own school. A specific training.

Searching for Joy in the Gloomy Neighborhood

As humans, we all experience seasons of grief and depression. There are times in this life that those emotions are the correct and measured response. Chronic everything has led me to more than one season of grief. But I don’t want to live in the neighborhood of depression. It is appropriate and healthy to visit grief and sadness at times. However, I believe that to live in the community of peace and joy will give me the greatest satisfaction.

Today I will explore the relationship between chronic illness and depression. I will share what I have noticed, and what has helped me.

I want to take a moment to send a shoutout to all those that have subscribed to the blog. And a big thank you for all the loving feedback. If you know someone that suffers with chronic illness, chronic pain, &/or chronic fatigue. Take a minute to share either my landing page: sunbeamacres.ca or any specific post. There are so many people that are hurting and have tried it all. They have lost hope. I was there. I don’t want anyone to suffer the way I did for a moment longer than is necessary. Offer them a sunbeam of hope.

Do you know the signs of depression? Would you recognize it in yourself or others?

Disclaimer: I am not a trained counselor or psychologist. This post is meant to be used as suggestions from a friend. A friend who has been there. If you have medical issues, talk to your doctor. If you have mental health concerns, talk to your therapist. If you are looking to break the cycle of unmanaged pain and fatigue, that’s where I can help.

What You Need To Know

Here is a my list of things to watch for in regards to depression. This is not meant to diagnose. Just to raise a red flag for you to talk to your doctor.

  1. Brain fog- this is tricky because brain fog is a side effect of our illness, our medications, our inability to sleep, but if you notice an increase in brain fog, take note (literally, write it down or you will forget)
  2. Messy- there may be a lack of care for appearance and living space, again some people are just messy, this is more mess than usual, and not caring about it
  3. Feeling worse around others- you know the people in your life that lift you up, if you feel dull and dragged down around your tribe, that indicates something is off
  4. Your own thoughts drag you down- have you heard of ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) these are powerful and constant, pay attention to the ANTs, the way you talk to yourself internally
  5. Hobbies are not energizing- we all need creative and physical outlets, those activities that normally bring you joy suddenly seem like a chore
  6. Acting more irritable and trying to drag others down with you when going into a depression spiral
  7. Wanting to be at home, alone, all the time- some of us are home bodies, but having a desire get out and socialize is part of our beings, we get to choose the tribe and the activity, I don’t think we can choose to not need anyone
  8. Constant fatigue- again, tricky with meds and side effects and flares, but for no other reason, you are more fatigued than usual
  9. View of the world is negative- we all have to navigate this world we live in, it can be tricky, but when all we can see is the dark side of everything, something is up
  10. Losing dreams and goals- lack of mental energy to plan ahead, all you can see is a dreary future

Do you see yourself or someone you love in this list? How about in this image? 👇🏼 When we ignore the signs of depression, it will start to manifest in physical symptoms.

The Wacky World of Chronic Illness Factors

Do you have triggers that initiate your depression? It’s good to know your triggers. And yet, in my experience, anything can trigger depression in chronic illness. Cold weather. Holidays. Waking up. Going to bed. Getting together with friends. Not getting together with friends. There are so many layers of emotion.

are u ok? im literally a forest fire and i am the fire and i am the forest and i am the witnesses watching it

@fringeffect

I used to daydream of a time when I would have no more pain. My life would realign with the trajectory I’d planned for it. But waiting and waiting for something that is never coming led me to despair. With each setback I slipped farther and farther.

Maybe you are like me. When all these emotions hit me, I pushed through. Thinking there were no other options. And (no surprise), the next stop for me was burnout.

Burnout is sneaky because you don’t realize you’re borrowing from tomorrow to push through today.

Emily Leahy

Brain Power Showdown: Healthy Minds vs. Chronic Pain

I have seen images of healthy brains and the brain of someone with chronic pain. My limited understanding (also not a neurologist) is that a brain can be damaged over time. In someone with chronic illness. There is constant activity in centers that should normally be at rest. Information starts to be processed differently. This could explain why over time we develop symptoms such as anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, and difficulty making decisions. The toll our brains take on a daily basis when dealing with pain is no joke.

When I am in crisis mode mentally. My brain is not to be trusted. It is overwhelmed and overworked. Our brains are designed to protect us. But left to their own devices, they do a terrible job. We have to manage them. Especially when they are also dealing with chronic illness. But don’t worry. You are still inside there.

Don’t think the garden loses its ecstasy in winter. It’s quiet, but the roots are down there riotous.

-Rumi

Brain Games: Boosting Your Mental Superpowers

I am learning to manage my brain and my emotions when depressive thoughts come up. Part of that work is affirmations. I can find the words to let go of what is not useful or regain balance with what is useful. For example:

Over generalization thought: “I failed at this so I am a failure at everything.” Counteracting affirmation: “A bad day does not equal a bad life”

Minimizing thought: “Sure I’ve done hard things. But other people are better.” Counteracting affirmation: “My chronic illness does not define me. I can still do hard things.”

Apathetic thought: “I will never get better, why do I even try to manage it?” Counteracting affirmation: “I am worthy of healing.” (healing is different than cure)

Catastrophizing thought: “This is awful and it will never get better.” Counteracting affirmation: “There are good days ahead.”

Isolation thought: “I don’t belong with my loved ones anymore.” Counteracting affirmation: “Not all my thoughts are true, depression lies to me.”

Perceived burdensome thought: “I make their lives harder because I am this way.” Counteracting affirmation: “I am not a burden on those around me, I only think I am.”

Comparison thought: “What is wrong with me? Why do I need so much more sleep?” Counteracting affirmation: “Rest is important and my body deserves it.”

Give Your Negative Thoughts a Run for Their Money: Six Questions to Ask

When an affirmation isn’t enough to chase those negative thoughts away. Here are 6 questions to ask yourself:

  1. Is this thought true? Can it be proven in a court of law? e.g. Thought: I am too much for people. True? Not necessarily. Maybe for some people. Or in some situations. It is an opinion. It is not a fact.
  2. Is there evidence to prove it? Thought: I can’t handle the pain. Evidence? It sure feels like it some days. But the evidence would suggest that you have been and will continue to handle the pain.
  3. What is a more helpful thought? Make sure it is a true thought that you offer yourself. e.g. Maybe I am too much for some people now that I have a chronic illness. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe I like being my true self more than catering to the needs of other people.
  4. Is there another way to look at it? Going back to the second example, the thought that I can’t handle the pain. What do I need to survive this flare? Who are my people and what are my supports in place? Start to see the way out.
  5. Am I jumping to negative conclusions? Maybe I was never too much for anyone in the first place. The amount of negative energy we spend on anxiety over something that never has and never will happen, is ginormous.
  6. What would I say to a dear friend in the same situation? I would speak gently and lovingly to a friend in pain. I would not expect more than she was able to give. I would honor her needs. Can we learn to do that for ourselves?

Healing: A Hike, Not a Sprint!

Instead of absorbing all of the thoughts that your brain produces. Try observing as though you were on the outside looking in.

I do not want to give the impression that if you follow this simple list. Poof! Your depression will be gone. The journey out of depression takes time. It takes mending.

Mending is a story on a sleeve. Mending is resiliency. Mending cheers the heart and soothes the mind. Mending is clever, ancient and wise. Mending is hope. And mending is healing.

How are you healing? I find chronic pain is best survived by surrounding myself with people who understand and commend my quiet, everyday courage. The bravery shown by just getting up some mornings. To a body that does not behave. And a life that is more stressful than most.

Something else ancient and wise that soothes a body and soul. FOREST THERAPY!

Connect with Nature Through Forest Therapy!

We often forget that we are nature. Nature is not something separate from us. So when we say that we have lost our connection to nature, we have lost our connection to ourselves.

-Andy Goldsworthy

I feel this in the winter months. I lose a connection to myself. And to the healing that is available through the earth. I miss having time in nature. 

The mountains are in my bones. 
The rivers my veins.
The forests are my thoughts,
And the stars are my dreams.
The ocean is my heart,
Its pounding is my pulse.
The sounds of the earth write
The music of my soul. 

-Wild Woman Sisterhood

I love nature. I love its music and rhythms and breath. I love its beauty and majesty. It has been my greatest earthly physician.

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.

-Henry David Thoreau

Wrapping It All Up with a Bow!

Chronic everything is heavy. Visit the land of grief and sadness but do not get trapped in the neighborhood of depression. Recognize the signs in yourself or your loved ones. We have a lot of triggers. Including a different life than the one we had planned. I did not plan to spend my 40s living like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But some days. 🤷🏼‍♀ h️ere we are. Be aware of burnout. Chronic pain actually changes the way our brains look and work. Do not discount your struggle. Practice managing your brain by countering negative thoughts with positive truths. Challenge sticky negative thoughts with the six questions. Mending and healing happen best around those who understand the struggle. Forest therapy helps!

Watch my social media to stay up to date on my forest therapy schedule. TBD once the trails are clear.

I’ve Got a Question for You: Enriched with a Gaelic Blessing

You get to decide who you will be. I choose to be the girl on the right. I choose to be a success story. For anyone that wants to join me in this. Here’s my advice: Wear your best clothes! Light your best candles. Get excited about your health and wellness goals. Don’t save them for a future version of you. You are worthy of good things. Now! In whatever form that may be. Get going on your best life. It will look a little different than you had planned, but you are trusted to carry this burden. If you look around, you will see people you are teaching as you go through your suffering. It is not without purpose.

To help you find the strength to keep digging, I leave you with this Gaelic blessing:

Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars
pour their healing light on you...
Deep peace to you.

(doesn't that make you want to go into the forest?!?)

Finding Strength in Nature During Winter

pammunkholm

I have loved her my little wanderer, with a mind full of wild forests and eyes that await adventures.

-Connie Cernik

We Are Nature

Have you ever considered how closely connected we are to nature? We have only to look at the pictures below to tap into that relationship. What does this awareness do for our psyche through the months of snow? Darkness and cold are the norm in places like Saskatchewan. We can fall into bouts of depression if we are not aware. We must also be willing to do something about it. Something as seemingly insignificant as looking at the next images can invite more positive vibes.

Lungs and trees, eyes and roots, tree branches and placenta, leaf veins and human veins and a network of rivers. We are nature and nature is in us. We are created to gain from this connection. How can you connect in the winter months? Choose your space and length of time wisely. When you have time to go, consider these images and find more connections between your body and nature.

A Flare of a Week

This has been a week. One of those. You know the kind. I find it hard to think with any depth. I read but it goes in one eye and out the other. The more I strain to discern the more fuzzy my brain feels. I am drawn to images more than words. If you could match your week to an image, what image would it be? Add your image in the comments!

This has been my week. Shout out to @giselledekel for the apt illustrations. They define what I am feeling. What I can’t put it into words. As far as I know, Giselle did not intend to portray chronic fatigue and pain. And yet, in my estimation, she nailed it.

Make it stop. I will do anything to make the pain stop.

Actual footage of me going to get a drink.
When one is stuck in bed for any length of time the positions into which one gets range widely. Having been stuck in bed for two days myself I think I will lose my mind soon. My body craves movement but I have a joint stuck out in my lower back. The muscles spasm after sitting or standing for a few minutes. What does one do when what the body needs in one way contradict what is needed in another?
Me by noon if I got one on at all.
Sometimes all one needs is a little ‘spring’. Don’t worry, spring will come again.
Constant. fog. Can’t focus. What was I saying? Where am I going? Why did I come in here?
The question is, how much do I actually need to pee? Is this an emergency or can it wait till tomorrow? I’ll wait.
Too tired to get out of bed to grab the cord. In chronic illness this is not laziness, this is of necessity.
Come on, Pam. We have to do the things. ‘Coming!’
You are doing better than you know.

Sometimes I feel useless because I compare my day to someone who is not struggling with chronic illness. I think showing up daily means giving 100%. But 100% is going to look different on different days. Maybe one day will be spent taking care of myself, the next resting, the next a combination of the two. And maybe that’s ok.

When I have a week like this one, I need to remember something important. Where there is a flare up, there is also a flare down. These symptoms will subside. Like Mumford and Sons suggest, I can learn to love the skies I’m under. Despite how dim those skies appear at times.

Beware the Weight

What are you carrying under your dim skies? We all carry something. Is it necessary to carry that weight? Some weight is. But other weight is bigger and heavier than we were meant to bear. Are you carrying a mountain that you were supposed to climb instead? Be in tune to the weight you carry. Weight is what helps us grow and get stronger. But it is also what squishes us. We will be more successful in all areas of life if we are open to putting unnecessary weight down. What can you put down to lighten your load this season?

Is your definition of success and your current inability to achieve it an extra weight you can put down? There are times I need to be reminded that my success will be different from that of others. Maybe my success is what I have become as I seek to regulate my nervous system. Maybe the only needed success at this time is not to compare myself to others. Creating a life that is mine. Having genuine and close relationships. The ability to heal from past mistakes. Setting and expecting boundaries to be kept. Knowing my own worth. Knowing how to show up for myself. Speaking kindly to myself. And knowing when and how to let go. Not abilities highly sought after these days. Yet in terms of growth these traits are far from inconsequential.

Having Fun this Christmas Season

Despite the weight and the hard days, there are still opportunities to have fun this Christmas season. Though as C.S. Lewis said,

Have fun, even if it’s not the same kind of fun everyone else is having.

I don’t always know what will add to my fun. But I understand that certain types of fun are difficult for my body. Trying to have such fun will not add to my enjoyment in the long run. This can be difficult and lead to feelings of abandonment and depression.

But there is a type of fun that will work for everyone. It will look different for each person but we start with the same questions. Gabrielle Roth explains that in many shamanic societies, a medicine person would ask one of four questions if you complain of being depressed. The first question is, when did you stop dancing? Second, When did you stop singing? Next, When did you stop being enchanted by stories? And finally, When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

So this Christmas season, have fun and keep dancing (literally or figuratively). Sing, find enchantment in stories, and find comfort in silence. Find time for novalunosis- the state of relaxation and wonderment experienced while gazing upon the stars. I love stars.

Adopt a slower pace and own it.

Survival

When each day feels like I am barely surviving I start to feel so small. As though there is so much going on in the world and I am missing it all. I am falling behind and being forgotten. I am a moot point. What can I offer the world from my bed? Then I remember these words by Brene Brown.

One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.

I do not write to complain or to invite sympathy, I show my scars so that others can heal.

The Power of Love

This time of year we start to think of our favorite things. We make lists of what to get and what to give. If you were to list all of the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself? There is a power in loving yourself. Not a prideful love but a quiet knowing and enjoying. Maybe it’s something we can all work on in the new year.

In my journey of wellness through forest therapy I am finding the real me. Would you like to do the same? Would you like these words to be said of you?

She was powerful not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on so strongly despite the fear.

-Atticus Poetry

In Conclusion

We are nature. Recognize the connections in your short and sweet forest time. When you have a week like mine, success will look different. Check that the weight you are carrying is of worth to you. Keep having fun, dancing, singing and finding enchantment. Find wonder in the stars. Allow yourself to move slower this season instead of faster. You are wintering. Do not feel small in your trials, you are going to be the way out for someone else. On a list of things you love, make sure your name is close to the top. Find yourself and your strength despite the fear.

The trees know about the winter. About the change. About the falling. About the loss. And they grow anyway, What’s your excuse?

– Erin Van Vuren

Nature’s Role in Reducing Inflammation and Stress

pammunkholm

“Our bodies are remarkable self healing organisms when in a balanced state. It’s worth wondering if the forest should be our primary physician with our doctors in support roles to be called upon in the rare instances they are needed,” Amos Clifford says in his book, Your Guide to Forest Bathing: Experience the Healing Power of Nature.

This does not mean I think everyone should stop seeing their doctors and practitioners. There is a place for medicine. Especially if that is what your body requires for balance at this time. If you can get to a state of balance, maybe then your primary physician can be the forest. I love the idea.

Would you say your body is in a balanced state and able to perform its remarkable work of self healing? If so, count yourself blessed. Many people are not able to achieve this level of balance due to trauma, stress or illness.

I count myself among those who are struggling to achieve a balanced state despite great efforts. For years instead of looking for optimal health I was metaphorically rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic as it was sinking. Navigating medical systems and the incredible stress that can cause in and of itself can keep a chronic pain sufferer stuck in a never ending cycle of unsolved problems.

In modern life we have been bombarded with constant stimuli and stressors. This causes our prefrontal cortexes to get stuck in fight or flight. This is the center that controls the release of adrenaline. When in this mode we cannot enter rest and digest. Causing many of us to suffer from chronically high levels of cortisol in our bloodstream. INFLAMMATION.

Based on ideas presented in the book Earthing, written by Clint Ober, living disconnected from the earth can cause us to be vulnerable and more prone to physical dysfunction. We seem plagued by inflammation related disease and accelerated aging in this day of modern science and technology. Ober suggests our disconnection to the earth and the effects this is clearly having on our health can be compared to a lightbulb with a loose connection. It flickers. It shines weakly. Or it may not light up at all. Would you count yourself among those with flickering, weak, or absent health?

Amos Clifford also states, “When the forest has allowed its place within you it supports your body’s natural capacity for wellness and healing.”

So while our bodies have the ability to self heal, they can only do so when in a balanced state. Inflammation resists this balance. Inflammation must do its job and then subside. When chronic inflammation is present, cortisol enters the bloodstream on a regular basis exacerbating the inflammation.

My own experience with the health care industry has not been a pleasant one. Each frustrating appointment and physical setback had me arranging and rearranging those useless deck chairs as the overall health of my body was sinking.

While inflammation is the fire. There may also be present, smoke from the flames on your sinking vessel in the form of anxiety and depression. Is this another present form of inflammation for you? An emotional and mental one. More deck chairs to rearrange!

When you are overly stressed your body is making more of that beautiful hormone, cortisol. But when you are in the forest, your body releases less of this inflammation inducing hormone. This can start to help with health problems related to inflammation including rheumatoid arthritis, psoriasis, heart disease and high blood pressure, as well as memory and concentration problems.

Not all stress is bad. And cortisol has it’s place and functions. Having the right level of cortisol can help to regulate your body’s stress response. ‘Stress’ is in the work and in the recovery process.

Did you ever stop to think how our bodies probably can’t differentiate between different stressors. It can’t see that’s relationship stress. That’s job stress. That’s gym stress. Our body just sees stress on the body. And each body has an ability to be able to function within a certain threshold. But when we cross that threshold, our body’s ability to recover is limited.

Our body needs time to recover. In every way. For each type of stress. If we are going back to the gym before we are recovered we’re actually getting weaker every time. Your body will reach its limit. If you go from stress to more stress you will become weaker with every step.

Researchers found cortisol decreased by 16% in those who went for a forest walk as compared to those who walked in a lab for the same amount of time. Do you need ways to decrease your cortisol? Join me on a forest walk. Head over to my contact page and send me a message to start the process.

The Association of Nature & Forest Therapy Guides & Programs has on its website this promise: Spending time in the forest can help with stress, which can cause all sorts of health problems.

Another book I have on the go right now is The Nature Fix by Florence Williams. She states that the recommended dose of nature we need as humans is at least 5 hours a month. These hours must be spent IN nature and not just passing through. Do need help getting your recommended dose?

While it is not on the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) those who have heard of nature- deficit disorder agree there is a rising issue in our society and it maybe should be added. More on this in future posts.

The answer seems small and simple. Almost too easy to be true. Inflammation is hard on our bodies. Time spent in nature reduces inflammation. Spend more time in nature. There I’ve said it.

Lord Byron said, “There is pleasure in the pathless woods. There is rapture in the lonely shore. There is society where none intrudes. By the deep sea and music in its roar. I love not man the less, but nature more.”

Enjoy the small and simple things of life and find pleasure in nature that is hard to find anywhere in our modern lives. Step out into the world where ease and pleasure abound.

Take care my sweet friends.