Nature does nothing uselessly.

-Aristotle

I went to Beaver Creek Conservation Area for a walk last week. Only one tick! But many, many mosquitoes. While in their interpretive centre, I read about plant blindness. Plant blindness means missing all the plants on your trail. It is experienced when we are walking in nature. Yet completely missing the beauty and wonder of what is right in front of us. We miss the beauty of all the plants and flowers, even wildlife. Perhaps focusing on the end of the trail instead of the journey.

How is your “plant sight”? Today on the blog we will make connections with plant blindness. As it applies to nature. And taking it further to see how we can see ourselves in the plants that are being missed. Or misunderstood for what they have to offer. Are you one of those plants? I felt like one just last week.

First, as always, I invite you to join me on Facebook, Instagram and X. We are holding walks and making big plans! Don’t miss out. Follow my social media to stay up to date. I also have uplifting thoughts and quotes to share. Find all the links in my link tree.

Confessions of a Partial Plant Blindness Victim!

I have to admit, I have partial plant blindness. I miss things that are right in front of me. Until they are pointed out. I have a friend who has 20/20 plant sight. She sees it all. She says she has been raised that way. She is teaching me how to see what is right in front of me. And to appreciate it. We are loving our plant identification app Seek. It keeps track of the plants we have seen. And can provide more information on them too.

When I see the plants. And I have used my app to identify them. I know them better. I see those plants everywhere once I have taken the time to slow down and develop a connection. I would like to apply this process to seeing, identifying, knowing and connecting with each other. As fellow humans.

Humans in Their Natural Habitat

We all need to feel seen. I speak of my life experience since that is what I know. In chronic illness being seen is wonderful. To feel noticed is to feel embraced. To know that someone can identify what I am experiencing is even more calming. I don’t have to explain everything to them. They already know. Often this comes from having similar experiences. My chronic comrades understand me. They can identify when I am struggling. And when I am in more pain than usual. We come to know one another. This connection is life-giving. And life-altering. I love my chronic comrades.

We see in one another the common strains. That the healthy might not see or comprehend. The shame in trying to fix it and only getting worse. The getting worse while others have a health crisis then get better and carry on with their lives. The constant getting behind in housework and self care. The financial strain and feeling beholden to others. Having felt burned in the past by those who were supposed to help. Feeling blamed for circumstances not within my control. Lack of resources and information for our conditions. Not knowing if there will be a pain I cannot treat or handle. Feeling abandoned while society carries on. Being over reactive due to our strained nerves. The loss. The mental and emotional exhaustion. Feeling missed and misunderstood.

I love those who seek to understand our world. Last week I experienced a moment where I felt unseen by someone trying to help. In that moment, I felt the gulf between us, where I hoped to have sensed connection.

So Here’s The Low-Down…

A four-year degree has not fit in my life. As such, I am limited on what I can offer the world. I highly regard those who go back to school at any time, especially those in my age group. And I highly regard getting an education.

In the past I have spoken of going back to school wistfully. And been bombarded with counter arguments of why I should just go and do it. This happened again last week. There seems to be a movement of well-wishers and dream-pushers. “You can do it!” “Just try!” “Believe in yourself” “It’s never too late”. “Spread your wings and fly!” But some of us were not meant to fly.

The Irony of Explaining Things: A Guide to Not Being Understood

People with chronic conditions will always be capable of accomplishing anything and everything. But where we choose to place our energy HAS to be the right thing. We have to be picky. And our experience is still valid and monumental, despite the lack of paycheck that would suggest otherwise 😉.

I have not found the right words to explain to the masses, my level of brain function. It dangerously closely resembles getting older and being tired. So many of us live there!

It seems a ridiculous thing to defend. But my brain function is worse than your brain function. Years of pain and stress and overload have maxed my brain’s capacity. Now, the best it can do, is not great. And I’ve come to terms with it. When a well-meaning individual tries to persuade me otherwise. That I just need to start using it again and it will be fine. The gulf seems wider between me and the rest of humanity.

They were correct in assuming I am capable of going back to school. I would pass the classes and get all the credits. But what I’d lose in the process has to be taken into consideration.

Your garden isn’t thriving because every time a flower blooms you cut it to prove to someone else that you’re a gardener. Focus, please.

-Unknown

Maneuvering the Costs and Stresses of Chronic Illness

My life is a constant cost: benefit ratio analysis. I have done the math. School is not in the cards. Let me be wistful and let it go. Trust that I know what I can handle. Trust that it is different from what a typical body can handle. Mine does not handle stress well. Putting it through four years of stressful situations would be a terrible idea!

All of us chronic comrades have been through years of our own scholarship program. Like me, maybe you have no degrees. No fancy letters after your name. But we have learned. We have gained. We have built and then rebuilt. We have understanding no school can ever teach. And we have much to offer the world in our various capacities.

Like a wildflower; she spent her days, allowing herself to grow, not many knew of her struggle, but eventually all; knew of her light.

-Nikki Rowe

A Quirky Academy for the Chronically Challenged

We are not on the same plane as the rest of humanity. We have our own training and instructors. And we do not need to force our bodies to a pace and strain they cannot handle. To prove we are the same. We are not. And the good news is, we are not supposed to be.

I know my body. My pain requires time and energy. Time for nature and grounding. Energy to rest and digest. I push myself to my own limits. In my own time frame. Within peace. I need time for therapies. Even a micro dose of therapies. E.g, Forest therapy!

Art therapy!

This is how I survive my high pain days. I could choose to put it all aside for a time and focus on a formal education. It would take days, not weeks, for my body to start shutting down. As it took on more pain and stimuli than usual. It has done this before.

All I need to do is participate in life for more than a day or two in a row. My body will throb. I will feel like I have been hit by, then dragged behind a truck. Not from getting sick but from engaging in too much life. I won’t have to talk about the toll it’s taking. There will be signs 👇🏼 .

The C Factor: Six Key Traits

Instead I would like to center my life and focus on where I have been and what I have gained. In these six characteristics for example:

• Compassion– I am learning compassion for myself and others. When my life looks different from others’. I take time to feel my sadness and frustration. Then I move forward trusting in my own intuition.
• Curiosity– I know that when I get angry, there is another option, I can get curious. When a car cuts me off in traffic. I can be curious as to why they did that instead of zipping around him indignantly. Perhaps he was distracted by a child in the back seat.
• Calm– This word was not in my vocabulary as a working mom in constant pain. I would laugh and think there was no time or space to be calm. I see now that everyone needs time and space for their nervous system to be calm. A time where despite what is happening around you, peace exists. Now I know the word and the feeling.
• Clarity– I am cultivating a sense of clarity. This comes with practice. And trusting my intuition to guide me to what is right for me, even when that looks vastly different from the lives of others around me.
• Courage– Now I know. Courage looks different for everyone. Courage to face another day. Courage to keep fighting. Courage to go back to school. Courage to not go back to school. Courage to stand in what I know.
• And Creative!- I placed little importance on creativity after my elementary years. Such a waste of time, my brain told me. Who needs it? Boy, was I wrong!

The Two Hemispheres: Battling Personas?

We all know the brain has two hemispheres.

The left is about productivity. Control. Fear. Our society thrives on living in our left hemisphere. And (somewhat) rightly so! Our society is built on people accomplishing and achieving. We benefit from their ideas and efforts.

On the other side we have the right hemisphere. Its focus is about enjoyment. Meaning. Purpose. Delight and creation. Our society’s less sought-after focal points.

Here’s something I find fascinating about the two hemispheres.

The left hemisphere has a quality where it does not realize that anything but itself exists. That its own world view is the only thing in existence. Do you know that guy? We are all that guy. The left brain is that guy who thinks he knows everything.

The right hemisphere, on the other hand, does not have this quality. It knows the left hemisphere is doing things that are different and it watches with amused tolerance. I also know these people.

Who would you rather spend all your time with between these personas, represented by the two hemispheres? You don’t have to choose between the two hemispheres. You just need to find your correct balance.

Progress with Purpose

At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace.

-Melody Beattie

I love this quote. It rests in my bones and resonates with truth. School would require more than I could do in peace. Through this experience I felt misunderstood and I wanted so much to convince the other party that I was right. I needed a step back to see where the hurt was hiding. And how to manage a confrontation like that in the future.

I tell you all this in hope that some of you can relate. Maybe not exactly the same way. But we have all felt missed and misunderstood. Have you been tempted to base your life on what people think you should do?

So many people are living a life that’s not right for them and using substances or stimuli of other kinds to numb their feelings or to pull themselves up to a sense of okayness.

-Martha Beck

Martha Beck is Oprah’s life coach. She says when you are living a life that is not yours. It’s like standing on a nail and taking opium to make yourself not feel the nail. But the cure is not taking the drugs. The cure is taking the nail out of your foot.

See. Identify. Know. Connect. With others. Listen to and trust the assessment that others give to their own life. Focus on your therapies you know you need. And traits like the six key traits. Beware the battle of the brain hemispheres. You are only required to do what you can do in peace. If you are living a life that is not yours, take the nail out. And step in the right direction.

As we Canadians prepare to go to the lake for the long weekend. I leave you with these words of how you can be more like water.

Be Like Water

• You can go with the flow of others or find your own current to take you where you want to go
• Make new paths. By the power of steady single drops of water new pathways can be made through any terrain.
• Let go. Sometimes we just need to let the rain pour. The tears flow. The old to be washed away.
• Sparkle. Be you and shine. Don’t imitate the sparkle of others, you have your own.
• Be still. Take time to be still. To see what’s under the surface. To allow for change.
• Reflect. In those moments of stillness, reflect. On your good life. On the good you have to offer. On the wild and exciting ride ahead.

Every particular in nature, a leaf, a drop, a crystal, a moment of time…partakes of the perfection of the whole.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Outside it is warm and blue and April.

-Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath

Obligation Exhaustion: Is It Just Me?

Are you exhausted by your obligations? Where did this idea come from that our time is being stolen by our obligations? That obligations are the enemy? I just want to sit in my blanket fort and pretend I don’t hurt while I color with my grandson. I have wondered if ignoring all of my obligations was the answer. As someone who suffers from chronic pain, do I ever get to have any freedom or autonomy? I have learned a better solution. Obligation anticipation. What does obligation anticipation look like? And how does forest therapy apply? These are the questions I’ll be tackling today. Beside all this I have a crocus tea party to share. AND a confession from the bedroom! 😳

But First! We are so close to actual, boots on the ground, forest therapy. I would be thrilled to have you join me for a forest therapy walk. Our first group walk will be held on Saturday, May 3rd at 10am. The cost is $25 for 2-3 hours of healing through a connection with nature. All you need is a good pair of shoes. The trail we will take is dry. This walk will be a moderate level. Meaning you should be able to step up and down stairs. And get down into a seated position for a short time. You can expect a short intro to forest therapy at the beginning of our walk. A portion of our walk will be in silence. Other portions will be seated on the ground with socks and shoes off. I will give invitations of beginner-level meditation. If you have any questions and to book your spot, contact me on my How To Get in Touch page. You can fill out the subscribe form and include a message requesting a spot. Or you can email me directly, pam.munkholm@gmail.com. Our first walk will be held at Cranberry Flats, just outside Saskatoon city limits to the south on Lorne Avenue. Payment can be made at the trail head by cash or e-transfer to pam.munkholm@gmail.com. I will post a pin and a reminder on all of my social media on Friday. Check there if you need any help getting to our meeting location and for final confirmation. We will meet at the head of the trail by the parking lot. I hope to see you out there!

Back to obligation exhaustion. Obligations are not the enemy. You can have freedom, not by controlling outside circumstances. (pssst! you can’t control outside circumstances, stop trying, it’s exhausting!) but by doing something within your control. Sound too good to be true? Keep reading.

Autonomy: Your Great Escape Artist?

You have choices and control in your life. So if you are looking for autonomy, you have it. Who scheduled your day? Who decided to go to work, school, driving kids around, or otherwise. You could say, “well, I have to go to work or I will lose my house.” That is you choosing to be autonomous. You are choosing that you want a house and you want to fulfill your financial responsibilities. That is you using your freedom.

Have you ever scheduled your life so tight that you have no room to breathe? That is also you using your freedom. You may say “well, I have kids and they need to get to activities.” That is you using your autonomy to say, my kids are important to me. Their fitness and social development are a priority and I believe sports will help them learn those values. So I am choosing to put time and energy to this.

One way to avoid obligation exhaustion is to recognize that our non-choices are choices too. When we get sucked in to the social norm. This is also our choice. Do not be distracted by non-choices.

When we take this first step to recognize that we have a choice, our day is not less full. But our experience is changed. Obligation exhaustion is not all about what we do and when we do it. But our relationship to what we are doing. This is an inner experience that we have 100% control over. Regardless of the external circumstances.

We think of a life with no deadlines, no obligations, no responsibilities to others as a life of autonomy. But this logic is flawed and will set us up for disappointment, Every time! Bringing us to this breaking point:

We all live and work with others. This means there will always be external constraints. But the good news is that our brain does not discern the difference between external choice and perceived choice. When we believe we are making a choice. Even if that choice is made within constraints. Our brain activates the rewards centers associated with autonomy and motivation.

By contrast, when we perceive we have no choice, it activates the stress response. This in turn impairs cognitive function. And decreases motivation. Think about it, when you are over-scheduled, how do you feel? Awful! This may also stem from a developing sense of victim-hood.

There is an obligation illusion. I expect my chronic comrades are familiar. “I have to…” “I need to…” We feel trapped by our lives. Where is our choice?

Answers in Strategies; Not Just Semantics

It is not word play. Try this.

When you “have to” take care of yourself. When you “need to” follow up with another doctor. You are trapping yourself. Reframe it. When you change the words and the energy to I “get to” take care of myself. So I can support my family when they need me. Or I “am pursuing” a path to better health. The best way to navigate that path is to see the next doctor.

This is the way you can go from entrapped to empowered.

Feeling empowered leads to the brain activating centers associated with motivation, creativity, and resilience. Feeling entrapped leads to feelings of stress, threat, and overwhelm.

A note here to my chronic comrades. Your first job is to ask yourself, should I be doing this thing. Because able bodied people will often ask us, “can you do the thing?” Our response may be: “yes, BUT it will hurt me later/ ruin tomorrow/ trigger a flare/ exhaust me/ make things worse and then I will need to up my dosage/ spend a day in bed/ cancel all other plans”. Able bodied people will hear the ‘yes’: “excellent! so you can do it.” Our first question should be: am I supposed to be here? Once that has been established, carry on to these three steps to go from obligation exhaustion to obligation anticipation.

Our first step towards obligation anticipation is to recognize that we have a choice. Second, reframe how you think and speak about the obligation. Our stories and language matter. Third, recognize the value that you are expressing in your freedom of choice. Is this for my family? For me? Keep using your obligation anticipation muscle and it will get stronger.

Those who have chronic everything can benefit from practicing micro moments of autonomy. Maybe I can’t get outside today. But I can open the curtains and get the sun on my face. Maybe I have to cancel plans with a friend. But I can get my feet in the grass. Find and appreciate the wins.

If you want to learn more about this idea, visit the https://neillwilliams.com/success-genius-podcast. Most of the information I share here is based on her podcast Episode 272: Beyond ‘Have To’: Reclaiming Choice in a World of Commitments

Obligation: An Illness-Inspired Game of Survivor!

When you suffer from chronic pain and illness, what is your obligation? Taking care of yourself has to come first. That means a career and/or school will move to the back burner or come off the stove all together. It’s a hard choice either way. Obligations change in chronic illness.

Is “Back Off” A Socially Acceptable Response?

I struggle to answer the question, so what do you do? Do you have kids at home? Going back to school? Work outside the home? The answer is no. And then what? My latest attempt is something like, “I am taking care of me”. But that sounds like I am listening to a self help course from the 80s.

I think I am getting closer with this response. Yes I do have a job. My job is to take care of myself and try to be my version of healthy. If further explanation is required, That includes getting enough rest. Jumping through hoops to find correct medications and therapies. Getting outside and healing in nature. Or something of the sort. What do you think?

My obligation to myself is to re-wild my heart, my soul, my being. To be at home in nature. To schedule it into my life on a regular basis. As part of this effort I had an impromptu crocus tea party with a dear friend. We checked out Cranberry Flats by Saskatoon. We planned a picnic. The crocuses were a charming surprise.

First the howling blizzard woke us,
Then the rain came down to soak us,
And now before the eye can focus,
CROCUS!
-Lilja Rogers

We both felt drawn to the experience so much. We needed it. And all it was, was sunshine, water, fresh air and our feet in the sand. How can that be so healing? To curb your expectations, I can’t answer that question. But I can claim that it has been and continues to be a healing experience for me.

Spring Fling Lessons

There are always lessons in nature. See what other lessons you can find from spring. This is my list:

• Plant the seeds you want to see grow (obligation frustration or obligation anticipation)
• Even after dark times, there is still life (seasons are cyclical and so is our sense of entrapment and empowerment if we aren’t careful, keep coming back to empowerment)
• Growth does not happen all at once (like the lilies growing in my yard, we all start somewhere and then we keep reaching for understanding, suddenly we see we are taller and more beautiful than before)

• Positive changes can look scary (a thunderstorm can bring fear until you see the blessings that it is bringing)
• We don’t all bloom at the same time (I see people my age flourishing in different arenas, it seems they are fully formed while I’m barely above the ground, but we never see what’s developing in the roots)
• Take time to notice the beauty (I am excited for ‘new green’ as I watch for all the buds to break open)

• Challenges are required for growth (plants need the heat and the water, they can also be scorched or drown, we can face challenges, but should watch our stress levels and adjust before the elements are too much)

Trees, Please! Let’s Get Lost in Forest Therapy!

Here’s a suggestion for a forest bathing exercise I have enjoyed recently. THE STUDY OF CREATURES. Find a comfortable spot in nature and become quiet in your generation of sound and in your energy. In a short time you will be privileged to get a glimpse into another world.

An ant. A bird. A ladybug. A butterfly. Any creature will suffice. As you watch your fine specimen ask yourself questions like this:

1. How does it move?
2. How would you describe it to someone that cannot see?
3. Is it interacting with other creatures? Who and how?
4. What type of behavior is being exhibited?
5. How would you describe it in words to someone that cannot hear?

Grab your nature journal and write down what you are witnessing. Or discuss with a friend what you are noticing to make the experience more memorable and to expand your understanding. We are seeking a certain type of chill. The chill demonstrated by this photo 👇🏼

Managing chronic pain can feel like an obligation. But allowing this type of thinking further entraps the mind and body into a prison of unhappiness. Resulting in losing our chill. How can this be reframed?

Where do you see that your chronic anything has been a blessing in your life? I’ll go first.

Seven Ways Chronic Pain Has Been a Blessing In My Life

1. I am loved with a special love by those who seek to understand my suffering
2. I have learned to appreciate the little things in life
3. I have found a better version of me through my experience
4. I have gained a different perspective on life
5. I have learned sisu- a special form of resilience
6. I have learned to problem solve
7. I have a greater empathy for the suffering of others

Things won’t always be easy to frame this way. But every exercise in doing so will bring you energy.

Embracing the Art of Fumbling Gracefully

As we learn these lessons and grow stronger and better:

Be kind to all the past versions of you. They are the soil in which you now bloom.

-Arielle Estoria

When we have experienced trauma in our life, including chronic pain. putting up walls can feel like we are just trying to keep everyone out. We build boundaries that can make us feel trapped. Alone. But as we go through our own distinct healing, we see that the walls are really beneficial boundaries. And we can show all those willing to work within those boundaries where the door is.

The Little Plant
From The Baby Plant and Its Friends
By Kate L Brown

In the heart of a seed,
Buried deep, so deep,
A dear little plant
Lay fast asleep.

'Wake,' said the sunshine, 
'and creep to the light'
'Wake,' said the voice
Of the raindrops bright.

The little plant heard,
And it rose to see
What the wonderful 
Outside world might be. 

And Finally, A Bedroom Confession 😳

As chronic comrades we need to get out. And then we need to be in. I love the forest. And I love my bed. My confession from my bedroom is that I use my bed for EVERYTHING! It is my office where I write these posts. It is my dining room where I eat most of my meals. It is where I have all my phone calls and zoom meetings. It is where I watch TV and listen to podcasts. The forest and my bed are my comfort zones. Quite literally.

Take care out there and I hope to see those of you in the area this Saturday.

The sun was warm but the wind was chill. You know how it is with an April day.

-Robert Frost

I return in this post to my hypermobile syndrome. If you’ve just joined us, I have an undiagnosed hypermobile condition, akin to Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). I am extremely bendy. This week I was introduced, by a dear friend, to another tool that I can use to treat my pain. Tuning forks! I have been struggling with scar tissue. When I attempt to massage it out, the area becomes so inflamed that I can’t touch it without pain. The tuning fork is extremely useful for removing the scar tissue that my fingers couldn’t get. In my excitement I removed most of the scar tissue in my neck. This area has been bothering me since my second to last slip on the ice this winter. It felt so good to release so many tight, pinching spots. This sounds like it would be a good thing. It. Decidedly. Was. Not. The scar tissue was holding me together. I see that now. I should have removed it slowly. Now my neck feels like it is hanging on by a thread while the muscles work overtime.

A person with chronic conditions will have many moving parts and factors to consider in every decision. Often we will think, “wait, why did I do that?” “I knew better!” Do you know anyone that would benefit from the community we have here? Or someone that would appreciate knowing they are not the only one suffering through chronic conditions? And at times making terrible decisions in how to treat their pain? Share this post with them. I invite everyone to follow my social media. We are watching the trails and reattaching my neck muscles to prepare.

Let’s talk hypermobility. Collagen is the glue that holds our bodies together. It gives the body strength and elasticity. When the collagen is genetically altered due to a condition such as EDS, function of many bodily systems is affected. Collagen affects skin, tendons, bones, cartilage, eyes, and internal organs. It is more than just joints. When these systems are all out of order, mayhem ensues.

I am not a doctor. I have no training in this specialty. But I have lived it. I only share the symptoms that I am having or have had in the past. This is not medical journal material. Not based on book studies and lab work. It is based on me. My lived experience. 

My 18 Irksome Evidences of Hypermobility

In no particular order, I share here 18 ways that I am affected by my hypermobility condition. I do this to highlight how all of us chronic comrades are suffering more than you know. In ways we can’t put into words. Unless you are very close to someone who is suffering. You will only ever know a small part of what they are experiencing. This blog has helped me put my pain into words.

1} Neuropathic pain– stemming from problems with the signals from the nerves. Felt as shooting, stinging, burning, tingling, numbing. Particularly difficult to treat. Often caused by pinched nerves due to shifting joints.

2} Inadequate passageway between the base of the neck and the armpit. Causing compression of nerves or blood vessels. Or both. This results in a wide variety of symptoms. Including pain in the shoulder and along the top of the clavicle. This pain can spread to the inside edge of the arm and down to the hand. Often numbness and tingling are present. Activities that most aggravate this area are driving, writing, carrying and lifting.

This explains the nights of excruciating pain after a day of working and driving and yard work years ago. Now I know better and I plan better. I no longer work. I drive only when necessary and only short distances. Yard work has to be done carefully and in short sessions.

Ipseity- (noun) sense of selfhood. The feeling of being the individual subject of one's own experience. A core aspect of consciousness. The inherent sense of being. 

How does this fit with chronic pain? I think it is accepting myself. As I am. Today. And that is a person with pain. It is my experience. It has become part of who I am. Can you claim your ipseity with a renewed perspective regarding any chronic conditions or illnesses you have? You are not a hypochondriac. You are not overreacting and complaining. You are not lazy. If you are doing your best. It is enough. Period.

3} Riding in a car is also exhausting. Think of all the micro adjustments you need to make as you bump along in a car. While your body has to keep adjusting to stay upright, you don’t even notice. A flexy body bumping along trying to stay upright is working against already tired muscles. And painful spots that inflame on being used repeatedly. There is also so much extra sensory input to process.

My husband drives us everywhere. But I’m the one that needs to nap when we get there. Now I have an explanation for why. It may be good to occasionally open your body’s task manager to see what’s going on in the control center.

4} Hearing issues. Caused by mobility of the joints in the inner ear. Creating problems with effective sound conduction through the middle ear. This can lead to mild or moderate conductive hearing loss. This can also cause problems with dizziness as the inner ear is responsible for balance.

I wandered lonely
As a cloud
That floats on high
O'er vales and hills,
When all at once
I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden
Daffodils;
Beside the lake,
Beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing
In the breeze.

-William Wordsworth

5} Low back pain. The ligaments that are supposed to support and stabilize the spine and pelvis are often too loose. This means the muscles end up supporting the upper body. Loose lips may sink ships. But loose hips make it hard to stabilize the pelvis. All this can aggravate the sciatic nerve. And can lead to sciatica. A painful condition where pain runs through the buttocks and radiates down the leg.

Getting ready for Monday. Or a hypermobile person just trying to survive the day.☝🏼

6} Anxiety and panic disorder. The hypermobile body tends to overreact to stress and creates an excess of adrenaline. This can be mistaken for mood disorders. But is more likely linked to ongoing pain and fatigue. This could explain why counselling which is suitable in some cases, will not prove effective for all.

Thole– (verb) in American English- to suffer, to endure, to undergo.

You have tholed, you are tholing, and the toll it takes can be front and center in our lives.

7} The impossibly fine line we all walk between moving too much and moving too little. Movement causes pain. Movement can also cause injury. However, without movement our muscles decondition. Causing further strain on the joints where the muscles can’t hold it. Causing more pain and increased risk to injury.

8} Due to the collagen deficiencies linked to the condition, swallowing and speech difficulties may occur. If you have heard me speaking and then suddenly my words are slurring together. You’ll notice I start to enunciate clearly for a few words. Then my brain and mouth seem to get back on track. Unless I have been speaking for a while and then there is no coming back once the slurring starts. Making the muscles of my mouth work to swallow is also an issue at times.

I was just sittin’ here enjoyin’ the company. Plants got a lot to say, if you take the time to listen.

-Eeyore

9} Local anesthetic may not hold or work as well. I have experienced this myself and I have seen it in my son enduring dental work. It makes me squirm to think about it. Now I know the “drill”.

10} Anything repetitive is out of the question. Overuses the same muscle group and strains already inflamed nerves in the process. My body never adjusts to the increased work load. It just stays weak and bendy. Like an uneducated peanut!

11} Muscle spasms are painful and regular. This is new to me in the last few years. It is down right annoying most days. It makes typing this post take much longer since I hit the wrong key and double hit another. It shows up in various and embarrassing ways. I have spilled the sacramental cup of water more than once at church.

12} We sit and stand in weird body positions. This is to hold the right spots together. We often fidget. Sitting or standing the same way for too long will result in a slipped joint.

13} We are often thought of as clumsy. I still run into walls when I get tired. Something I thought I would have outgrown by now. The truth is, between our unstable joints and dizziness we should be praised for all the time we are successful in staying upright!

ASAP
As Slow As Possible
As Soft As Possible
As Sustainable As Possible
As Sincere As Possible
As Steady As Possible
Allow Space And Pause
-Unknown

14} Oral and dental issues. Teeth are prone to fracture from relatively minor trauma. Gums can bleed after minor trauma such as brushing teeth. Chewing or sleeping wrong have both contributed to subluxations in my temporo-mandibular joint. I attribute my crooked teeth that are always on the move to my hypermobility.

15} Chronic neck strain. Due to weakness in the shoulders, activities that use the shoulders also use neck muscles. The ligaments meant to support the head are too loose. Neck muscles get overworked and strained.

16} Difficult and painful to write. This one hits home for me. I shake when I write. Not because I am nervous. But because my hand muscles are spasming and weak. If I have just washed dishes or had a shower, good night! You will not be able to read my scrawls. The warm water loosens things even more than they were. It is also painful to write for any period of time.

If the sight of blue 
skies can fill you 
with joy,  
If a blade of grass
springing up in 
the fields has the
power to move you,
If the simple 
things of nature 
have a message that
you understand,
Rejoice~
For your soul is 
alive...
-Eleonora Duse

17} Disc problems. Discs may be less rigid than usual in hypermobile people. Soft discs are more prone to rupture or leak. Disc material leaks out and pinches nerves.

18} Brain fog has already been a topic of conversation here. Brain fog in the hypermobile may be due to lack of blood flow to the brain. This is thought to be from blood pooling in the legs thanks to our stretchy blood vessels.

Chronic illness is not so fun. It is easy to think about who I would be without this disability. It is easy to think about all the hopes and dreams I once had that have to go. But what about who I will be now, with it? What hopes and dreams can I create now that this is my reality?

Watch for the Signs!

There are signs to watch for in healing. Chronic is chronic. Cure is not in our vocab. But healing is available. Healing means acceptance. Softening. Learning and growing within our new reality. There are also signs to watch for at this time of year. Have you seen any of these signs of Spring?

• a nest being built
• a bird carrying a worm
• a muddy puddle
• blossoms
• a lamb or other baby animal
• spring flowers
• insects
• a bumble bee
• buds on a tree
• a singing bird

What have you already noticed this year? Write in the comments.

Just like the poems, quotes and uplifting thoughts laced throughout this list. The beauty of life and nature can be sprinkled throughout our days. To lift and cheer our souls. To lend beauty and joy to an often troubled heart. Go out and get some forest therapy today! We will be together in the forest soon!

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to body and soul alike.

-John Muir

Pain never arrives alone. It always brings with it strength and resilience.

-often attributed to Maya Angelou

I am in a flare. My latest fall, leading to my latest physio adjustment has me looking for the knot to untangle my insides. It is not stress. I do not just need to go for a walk. In adjusting some joints back to their intended position we uncovered the really ugly spots. But not until a couple of days after I left the appointment. So now I wait. While the flare moves through my system and interrupts my life.

I expect to be out on the trail as soon as this flare passes. There are some bio-mechanical issues to be sorted out. Then I can show those who are interested in booking a forest therapy walk, what we’ve been discussing here. Follow me on social media. And subscribe to the blog to be the first to know when booking is available. I am so excited to show you what this is all about!

What to Expect on the Blog:

What is a flare? How can you support yourself or another person in calming a flare? and How can forest therapy help? These are the questions we will be exploring together on the blog today.

Pain Flares: When Your Body Goes Off Script!

Flares comes in all shapes and sizes and for so many reasons. @ferociousfighters defines a flare as “A sudden exasperation of a disease. Different from the day to day variation of symptoms that patients with chronic illnesses experience and is characterized as large and rapid increase in a patient’s symptoms.

Flares can be triggered by physical stress, psychological stress. Traveling or other schedule changes. A change in the weather or medication. A common illness, interrupted sleep. Overexertion.

A description of nitroglycerin comes to mind. “Unfortunately, nitroglycerin was unstable. If you dropped it from a small height, it’d blow up. If it got too hot, it’d blow up. If it got too cold, it’d blow up. Even placed in a cool, dark room and left alone, it’d eventually blow up” (Elder Dale G Renlund). I am nitroglycerin. I always end up blowing up into a flare. Despite my greatest efforts. My chronic comrades will relate.

Sometimes there is a reason. Sometimes it is totally uncalled for.

The Not-So-Amusing Tale of My Not-So-Epic Fall

This time, I triggered the pain by a fall, which is causing a flare of so many symptoms. In sharing this experience, I do not seek your sympathy. But your understanding for all those who suffer.

This is how my flare looks this time. It all started with a “minor” slip on March 17th. I was taking my grandson for a walk in his wagon. It was a day that had a skiff of snow on top of the melting ice. I should have known better.

Suddenly I was on the ground. I knew instantly that I would need an adjustment. Joints had definitely shifted. James waited patiently. I’m sure he wondered what game we were playing.

During the first wait to see my physiotherapist, my pain level stayed around a 4. During the evenings and the worst of it I was up to a 7. I saw my wonderful physio and she adjusted a few areas.

Unfortunately, I missed a spot that needed adjusting. It’s difficult to sense it all until all the joints settle into place from the main adjustment. I share all this to say, since I realized something was not right since that adjustment. I have been living at a 7 and getting up to a 9. The discomfort is one thing. What it does to my body is what triggered my flare.

This is my layman’s understanding. My little stabilizer muscles are working overtime to hold me upright. The muscles that are supposed to be doing that job are stabilizing joints that are not set correctly. I have a constant headache while I write. Something is pulling on the back of my neck.

The Empty Plate: A Restaurant Running on Fumes!

Let’s say my body is a restaurant. All of my joints are my employees. The joints that have settled incorrectly, all those employees have called in sick. They are just trying to hold their own little spot together. So now I have multiple areas that aren’t doing their job. The rest of the employees are left to try to hold the restaurant together. As it goes on and on the strain and exhaustion on those few employees that are left builds.

While this is happening in my muscles, my easily overwhelmed nerves are taking some of the fallout. All of the upset clients coming out of the restaurant are complaining to them, if you will. (Me: okay nerves I’m going to need you to take some of the strain. My nerves: (crying, laughing, then igniting the nitro) Me: 😳😑)

The restaurant looks fine. The tables are set as though all is well. Meanwhile this is happening:

Window of Tolerance: The Fine Line Between Zen and Zany!

I expect all of us are familiar with the window of tolerance. There is a space where I am emotionally secure. Triggers come and go but with self acceptance and emotional resilience, I am okay. I can stay comfortable within that window. When I go over that window of tolerance, I am hyper aroused. I feel as though I will explode like a volcano. When I go under my window of tolerance, I am hypo aroused. I feel down and depressed.

When I am in a flare, that window of tolerance is very small. I am easily over aroused by sounds and lights. I like my slow times of the day that help me focus. I am also easily dragged down by my thoughts. I think of all the things I could be doing if I were well. I see others living their dream and I want to live mine. Knowing this window of tolerance is small and taking care of myself, becomes indispensable during a flare.

I Need a Nap So Bad, I’m Already Tired Tomorrow

Last week I described different types of sad. Here are some different types of tired. Can anyone relate? Beat, I just want to sleep all the time. Drained, my thoughts and energy leak out of me like a leaky faucet. Apathetic, it becomes really hard to care about the needs of others. Frazzled, when I can only feel buzzing and everything needs to stop. Broken, too tired to do anything but not so tired that I don’t miss the things I could be doing. Wiped, when there is nothing left of me. Zonked, can I repeat what I just said? No, I have no idea what we were talking about. Burned out, I am crispy and short with others around me.

How to Pamper Yourself When Life Throws a Flare!

During a flare. Take care of you. Whatever feels right. Cold or heat. Being propped up with blankets or going for a walk. Find the right balance for this time. I’d love to be out and enjoying this actual spring-like weather today. But for now, inside is the place to be. But I am loving seeing the blue sky through my window and feeling the sunlight.

It is important that the right people know what you are going through. Your people will be there to support you. Let them know what you need. Do not cover up pain with those people. There are levels of okay and not okay. Stay in tune to your body and in touch with your people. “I am currently eggshell-fine. Doing okay but easily crushed.”

Wear the right clothes. Eat the foods that will nourish and that are easy to prepare. Take time for doing nothing. Where your body can speak to you. Wear the slippers. Say the affirmations. Sleeeep. And then sleep some more.

Your worth does not change with what you can or cannot do. Your worth is and always has been great. Even if your house is covered in dog hair. Even if your meals are subpar at best lately. Your tired body is worthy. Your misfiring brain is worthy. Your yearning heart is worthy. You have worth. No matter what you can and cannot do. Truth be told. That may be more of a pep talk for me than anyone else.

What do you have in your flare basket? Mine has fuzzy blankets. My housecoat. Slippers. Essential oils. Tea. My Spotify flare playlist. An eye mask. Noise canceling headphones. Epsom salts. Snacks. Water. Pain killers. And the all important hair ties. Full disclosure, I have no basket. But this is what would be in it if I were to make one. What am I missing?

As we discuss ways to move through a flare, I find this graphic very helpful. See if it speaks to you:

Branching Out: Forest Therapy for Flare Relief

How can forest therapy help? I don’t know about the rest of you but I want to live this lady’s life. Wrap me up and set me by the water. With my bare feet on the sand and the sun on my face. Feeling the steady lapping of the waves as I watch them roll in. This is healing.

It doesn’t take much to get a lot out of nature. Her gift is freely given with love. During your own flare. Or when supporting someone in a flare. When struggling with any number of life’s conundrums, find a space in nature. Take time to be quiet. Time to be still. There are multiple exercises that I can lead you through when you join me. This enhances the support and healing of nature.

BRIVET (British)- to wander an area or look through items without purpose, often in a sneaky way.

With me or on your own, find your space in nature. Use all five senses to connect. Breathe deeply. Find your center. Relax. Bare skin to the earth. Sense the vibrancy and wonder.

This is Forest Therapy!

Soak your life
with wildflowers 
and rivers.

Breathe in honey
and the moon.

Bring in softness
wherever you can. 

Softness can carry you 
over the sharpest
of grounds. 

Like wind and water.

-Victoria Ericson