Tag: chronic-pain

Regaining Control

pammunkholm

Like most people I like to be in control. Have you ever felt completely out of control of your life? I have that feeling far less these days. Do you want to know what changed? It’s decidedly not because my life got easier. My life is actually a whole mess of mayhem. If you see yourself in this description and want to learn how to uphold control despite the daily dumpster fire, read on.

I was compelled to quit my life a few years ago. It had been overloaded for too long and my body and brain decided to quit their day job. They had had enough of this nonsense. If I wasn’t going to take care of them, they weren’t going to take care of me.

People say they can’t slow down or everything will fall apart. Especially as the mom. You are the hub of the family. Everyone comes to you for everything. To find the things. To remember the things. To carry the things. To get them and their things to the places. To talk things out. To orchestrate the things that need to happen. If you weren’t there, what would happen to all the things? It would be a disaster. Right? Of course right!

I had that feeling of impending doom when it was decided and my mom came to pick me up and take me to her house. I had suffered a serious breakdown. I learned something that felt like it was going to leave a permanent gash in my life, I kept picturing shards of glass ripping through me as I realized all the ways it would require me to adjust my life plans. It seemed as though it was leaving a hole not just in my life but in me. I had felt the pressure getting to be too much and this bit of information was the final straw.

Brent was working out of town so he couldn’t take care of me. My boys were old enough to take care of themselves but not to take care of their mother too. I started bawling as my mom and I were leaving my house. I didn’t want to leave my life. My heart was breaking as we were leaving my boys. So we brought Riley along as tribute. I was so tired. I was so overwhelmed. I was a 40 yr old going to her mom’s house to be taken care of. And my family and life would fall apart while I was away. And I just had to go. I had to let go and let it all fall apart.

Would you trust them? Just kidding, I love them and all of their crazy.

And oh boy, did it ever fall apart. My only son left in high school started failing classes. Handedly. I had teachers reaching out to me that I had to ignore. The thought of answering an email filled me with dread. The thought of trying to figure out or take care of anything was debilitating. Panic inducing. Add to that, not only was I not in my home to care for it, but there were three young adult/teenage boys living there. Molly maids they are not. The animals weren’t getting the care they needed. The yard looked like nobody had lived there in years with overgrown patches of yard the boys weren’t getting to mowing. I’d go home every two weeks when Brent was home. So I’d step back into my life and see how poorly it was doing without me. We would try to catch up and then head back out the door. For half a year we lived that way.

This sounds like a lot of complaining and it was really hard but that’s not why I’m bringing it to this audience. The reason I bring it here is to say that while you stop to take care of yourself, some things will suffer. That may be true and that has to be ok. Because if you keep not taking care of yourself, I am your cautionary tale. Life may come to a catastrophic juncture where stopping to care for yourself will be the only viable option. If you think you can’t stop moving or you will drop everything, you are carrying too much. Let some things go or do them differently to give yourself space to breathe. You need to be able to breathe. And everyone and everything will adjust. It may fall apart but it will come back together better than you can now picture in your weighed down state.

Maybe you don’t need to make a change as drastic as I did. Maybe you are not in crisis mode. In that case, recognize your needs and if there is no room in your life to fill those needs, make a change. Let go of something that might initially feel too important. But consider yourself. And make room for you!

Do you have your own thing? I’d love to see in your comments what your thing is. What brings you calm and helps you feel like you can step back into your life a stronger person when you’ve had time to do this thing? If you don’t have a thing, find one. We each need something that brings the stress level down and returns us back to who we are. I find I need to see friends often. I need to get out of my house and talk to someone else and laugh and complain and eat yummy food and then I can go home and enjoy spending time with my family again. I need my daily and weekly spiritual and physical strengthening practices. I am finding new uses of my time and energy that I wouldn’t even have considered, had I not been forced to make that mid- course correction.

Photo by Carlos Rubio Tristan on Pexels.com

One of those new ways to use my time that I have found to be of greatest benefit, of course, is forest therapy. I need time to ground and be still and immerse myself in nature and what she has to offer. Plus this hits some of my physical and spiritual practices for the day as well. Bonus.

If your new thing could be joining me in forest therapy, head over to my contact page to book a walk with me to learn how to take it all in. It can be your thing and it can move you to healing. In whatever way you need it. We all need some type of healing even if we don’t see it when we begin.

These days I am making an effort to slow down and recognize when a transition is happening in life. I try not fight it. I don’t stand in the way of change. I try to recognize the shifts that are naturally occurring and then decide what I will do moving forward based on the new information. I try not to stay too long in the this-isn’t-fair lane. That lane never moves forward and stays backed up for miles. Best to merge out of that lane asap.

I’m learning that there can be good in every change. Even the changes that hurt the most. That day was so painful for me. But in hindsight it was vital. It reminds me of the time I cut myself in the webbing between my index finger and thumb. I went to get stitches. After a week, the wound wasn’t healing. It was such a hard place to keep clean and dry while I had a mountain of toddlers and laundry. I kept hoping it would get better but I wasn’t doing anything to fix it. I just kept covering it up and ignoring the pain. But that wound just needed to dry out. I had to rip the band aid off and stop 👏 doing👏 the dishes 👏 and let the painful healing process take place. The process of healing in myself and my family after my breakdown required of me a different way forward than I’d expected to take. I needed to step away. I needed to uncover the wound and let it breathe. And in the process my boys learned great things. For one, a true appreciation for all that I do in just being around.

My life looks a lot different than I thought it would this many years later. But it’s pretty awesome. Some things I could not picture any better. Some things I’d still like to see improve. But overall I feel more in control now than I did when I thought I had it all under control and actually it just hadn’t fallen apart yet.

If you see yourself in this post, take care of yourself sweet friend.

Miracles and Bellybuttons

pammunkholm

Aren’t miracles wonderful? Wouldn’t you like to be able to experience them all the time? What about bellybuttons? How, you might ask, do they relate? Don’t get ahead of me.

It all started the other day when I was discussing the miracle that it was to be able to get the house that is perfect for us to live in, when we are living in such a crazy rental market. We needed so many boxes checked. A room for each person (except the married people, they have to share). West side, we like to live on the edge, ha! It had to have a yard, we couldn’t go from a farm yard to no yard. And we check all the bad boxes as far as renters are concerned. Young adults, check. Baby, check. Dogs, check. But, one might ask, are those dogs impossibly massive? Yes, check. The market here is such that you put in an application and wait to hear back. Not surprisingly, we were not hearing back. Then suddenly we were being offered this place by someone we didn’t know, which fit our needs. I call it our miracle home.

Then, my 18 month old grandson lifted his shirt to show his bellybutton and to show us all how marvelous it is, he gasped and paused for effect. To him, his bellybutton is a miracle. The fact that other people will stop and be as fascinated as him is a miracle. Hugs and kisses are miracles. Bubbles are miracles. Snow is a miracle (even when the rest of us are done with it). There are little miracles around him all day long. Because his little mind chooses to see it that way. Granted he doesn’t have the junk that life piles on since he’s only been on earth for a short time. He has a loving mom and dad and extended family that are caring for him and allow him the space to see the miracles.

What if you felt that type of calm, that you could see the miracles in everything around you? Like how cool it is that we have belly buttons and what an important role that spot played at one time. That we all have the opportunity to learn and grow and create. That we are living, breathing humans with thinking minds. That we can clear the junk that life piles on us.

Forest therapy is one way I clear away the noise. I feel calm. I can come back to life and recognize the many miracles that are happening around me constantly. It quiets my body and soul. It slows me down. I connect to my higher power in the forest. To me, that’s God. I know Him as my loving Father in Heaven. You may call Him something else but I expect we can all feel closer to that higher power in the forest. I know all my miracles are orchestrated by Him. What do you think? Where would you say your miracles come from? Maybe that’s something you want to ponder on a forest therapy walk. Join me by heading over to my contact page.

What are your bellybutton miracles? Those things that have been in place or prepared all along and all you had to do was find something seemingly normal, stop, gasp, pause for effect, and recognize the miracles that are all around.

Ok my sweet friends, enjoy your many miracles!

What is Forest Therapy

pammunkholm

In the 1980s, through the national health program in Japan, was introduced the art of Shinrin- Yoku or forest bathing as it is known in English, to help workers reduce stress. The negative effects of stress were starting to rear their ugly head. Heart conditions, high blood pressure, a rise in auto immune disease. Doctors pointed sufferers to the forest for help. The forest has many healing qualities and Japan was learning how to harness them and how to offer it to others. These sufferers were willing to try anything. Are you there? Do you feel like you’ve tried everything? With a forest therapy guide to get the most benefits, forest bathing is still proving most effective today. 2/3 of Japan is forest. Some of the most beautiful in the world. Doctors even started prescribing it to those with stress related disease. Doctors in Japan recognized how many people had become disconnected from the earth. While our ancestors slept on the ground and ate food grown from it and walked around on it with nothing to stop the negative electrons flowing into their bodies, those in modern day Japan were far from this description. The effects of this disconnection are not isolated to the eastern hemisphere. Our world is highly toxic and the earth offers a way to heal from the negative effects. In an effort to connect the people around me back to the earth, I prescribe it to you today.

Forest Therapy or Forest Bathing, the literal translation of the Japanese term, Shinrin Yoku is what I want to tell you about. The art of going into the forest for healing. There are various understandings of the term. But in all the research I have done it has nothing to do with bathing as you might be picturing the use of the word. No rubber ducks. No shower caps. And everyone is to be fully clothed!!! At all times!!! The relation to bathing is only in the way that when you have a bath you are fully immersed in the water; forest bathing helps you fully immerse yourself in the forest or absorb the forest atmosphere. That is where healing begins.

Forest bathing can be defined as making contact with and taking in the atmosphere of the forest. With all the physical, mental and spiritual benefits of forest bathing, you also gain access to other tools here that can be used to generate and accelerate healing. These are the tools I have learned and developed into my own routine. I’ve tried so many suggestions, through decades of pain. This is the first non-medicated thing that has consistently helped me.

Studies have shown that there are a myriad of health benefits to being in the forest. Some of these benefits include lowered concentration of cortisol, lower pulse rate, lower blood pressure, lower blood sugar levels, greater parasympathetic nerve activity, and lower sympathetic nerve activity when compared to being surrounded by city environments. Being in the forest is great. Bathing yourself in the forest is even better. I can show you how in future posts!

The forest therapy I offer is a combination of forest bathing, silence, (doesn’t everyone know how to do that? what if someone else is disrupting your silence? what if the silence feels awful?) grounding, and more. I will explain all of these in further detail in later posts but for now I just want to get the overall idea out there.

As with all programs this one has its side effects. Unfortunately, with these tools in place you can reduce the symptoms for anxiety, depression, anger, increase your concentration and memory, boost your immune system, (an increase to NK cells) improved quality of sleep, reducing fatigue and confusion and an overall improvement to your mood. Increased positive and decreased negative feelings. No weight gain or facial paralysis hiding at the end of the list over here.

I want to be clear. I would never tell anyone to stop taking any medication without talking to their doctor. Some are necessary and life saving. And I myself have not reached the point with my condition to stop all medications. We all start from where we are and carefully move forward. When it comes to medical areas, talk to your doctor. If you have a mental crisis, talk to a mental health care professional. If you feel you are in spiritual crisis, talk to a religious leader or friend. What we are talking about here, my target audience, is those who are living their lives and functioning- adjacent and I can help take them to an even better life with the tools I offer. Ideally a life with less pain.

.

Now. What if you live in the city? This is the beauty of forest therapy. You can create an atmosphere of forest bathing within any natural environment. The more natural, the more you can accomplish. Yet every grounded plant, spot of grass or tree can offer benefits to the most diseased among us.

Join me by booking your walk over on my contact page.

That’s it my sweet friends. Allow me to show you the way.

Forest Therapy: How I Manage My Chronic Pain

pammunkholm

I have talked with too many women who, like me, are currently dealing with daily, chronic pain. And due to years of suffering with no exact source that can be named or found they now picture themselves in a life story where they have been written off as weak of character because of the limitations of their body, mind or spirit. They have lost themselves to the pain and are running on empty. Have you also felt misunderstood or so very small while trying to seek understanding and support? To the point you feel it’s not worth the effort anymore?

This has been my experience.

As a society we have benefitted immensely from the study and practice of western medicine. I know phenomenal healthcare workers. We need more people like them. They are fabulous at their jobs. Sadly, that world of medicine has not held the resolutions I needed. Through my experience I have learned, western medicine is not the only answer.

I don’t fit a simple diagnosis. I have extreme hyper mobile joints. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not an easy fix. And yet, contrary to popular belief, my pain exists. Doctors don’t know what to do with me, so the answer has been to live with it. Manage the symptoms and put up with pain.

But my body decided that wasn’t good enough and it started to shut down on me. Since that time, I’d like to say I started listening. But I’m a mom that had stuff to do. Luckily, MY mom noticed and made me pay attention. She literally saved my life. (Thanks Mom!👍) She has led me to the resources and health care team that I need, not only to survive but to thrive.

One method of healing that has been of great worth to me is the practice of grounding. I will go into greater detail in later posts but the idea is to connect to the earth and access its healing properties. To take this to even greater benefits, one should connect with nature on all levels. Physical, emotional, social and spiritual. Through taste, smell, sight, sound and touch. This method I will explain, is one I have found of greatest advantage, lowest cost, and gentle enough for even the most unhealthy and toxic ridden among us.

I promise I’m not crazy, new age, or trying to convert you to a cult. Stick with me here.

All I know is that somewhere in my great efforts to learn and practice grounding and other methods, I started to hope that there was a better life ahead and I was worth this campaign to come back to life. The aggravating pain started to subside. I could see what was helping me and how it could help others. All this led to the decision that it is worth the daily grind. Nobody could do this for me. I was ready to find relief. It came in the form of forest therapy.

For years now, I’ve been on a journey to find better health for myself, most recently, through grounding and now forest therapy. Actually, until not long ago, it’s been less of a journey and more of a marathon. With mudslides and hurricanes. And zombies and ninja mice (I hate mice). Sometimes I’m on a roller coaster, sometimes circling another drain. And yet, in the marathon, I have met some of the best people and found healing in the places and ways I least expected. And although some days it has taken all the energy of my soul, I dare say I’m stronger now. A strength like the intertwining roots of a forest, each piece of knowledge entangled with the next. Holding up what I have come to recognize as great worth to me.

Doctors have tried to help me find answers. In that effort there is more pain. The physical pain I saw coming. The emotional pain would come out of nowhere and slap me in the face. I have experienced months of waiting to see a specialist who I hoped would have the answers and instead, I was asked why I even came to see him as my condition has nothing to do with his specialty. ‘Sir, I can’t even pronounce your specialty. And btw I’ve been putting all my hopes on this. Holding to the faith that something can improve. But thanks for your diagnosis of don’t- let- the- door- hit- you- on- the- way- out.’ On another occasion I was told there is nothing doctors can do if I don’t want to take the medication (they literally laughed at me and said I’d be back for it), as though I’m an obstinate child and not a woman that knows my body and how it will react. One time in a first ever patient-doctor interview, after giving him some basic symptoms, he jumped to erroneous conclusions and told me if I wasn’t going to get up off the couch he couldn’t help. I was going to have to make an effort 😒. He had no idea the efforts I’d made. I hope he’s had a chance to rethink his bedside manners. On leaving a doctor’s office I heard the heartbeat in another room where a mom-to-be listened and my heart crumpled with the memory of when that was so recently me. In the days before my miscarriage. Instead, I was the woman walking out after a miraculous pregnancy that ended suddenly without any medical reason after 10 years of trying. That tiny one and all the joy of having another baby quietly slipped away one morning. I have had surgery after surgery and medication after medication offered as the best and only solution. I have made up my mind. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I want to practice what I’ve gained in going into the forest.

I call this blog Sunbeam Acres, if you go down in the woods today…

I hope I have rays of light to share with you that will brighten your day. Bright little idea babies that you can take and turn into whatever works for you. My ideas will connect you to the forest and to your roots.

Sunbeams take me to my roots. In our church I sang Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam. That beloved song that sends 3 and 4 year-olds flying off their chairs in a most irreverent fashion. I like things that take me to my roots.

Trying to take care of my body could be compared to trying to catch a sunbeam. It seems like a particle of dust floating around that I can never quite grasp. I have grown in understanding my body and how to make it work for me. Instead of running after all the sunbeams I have allowed them to come rest on me. I hope my thoughts can warm you to your soul like sitting on the damp leaves on a quiet summer morning looking into the acres of forest around you, each tree representing a possibility for your life. You can let my thoughts float around you and see what lands. Some particles instantly disappear into your being because they’re right for you. Anything that’s incorrect for you can float on past. We don’t have to agree on everything to be friends here 😁. Each of us will have a different journey into our own metaphorical forest.

My condition has taken me to dark places. where I have yearned for anything that offered the smallest ray of light. This blog is an effort to stave off the darkness for myself and reach through my own canopy of doubt, for the light others have to share. I will share what I have learned as I have gone out into the forest. You are welcome to sit back and learn or to join me in a forest walk of healing.

I offer validation for anyone who may be suffering with daily, unexplained pain that cannot be treated or found. Hear me now, you are important enough to do whatever you need to do to have your best quality of life. It is worth the effort. There is hope. You are worth the time and when you don’t have the energy, seek support.

And for anyone who knows of my struggle and has ever asked me, So, what do you have? Are you feeling better yet? Or even, What are your symptoms? and I gave a blank stare or a stammered response that’s somewhere between scripted and implausible, this is the whole answer. It’s gonna take me an entire blog to explain myself and how to use the forest and all of nature, that is available to you, to take your own healing to the next level.

With the knowledge I pass on you will hear the story of me and my chronic pain. It is big and diverse. And now I know it’s worth sharing (even if only my mom reads about it)😉!

POSTS

Subscribe for more posts like this