nature – Page 6 – SUNBEAM ACRES

The Humorous Side of Detoxing

December 17, 2024 pammunkholm

Due to personal reasons I will be shining brightly and unapologetically for the foreseeable future.

I think that we know each other well enough now. We’re all friends here, right? I’m going to share a story today. It will be terribly embarrassing for me and (I hope) most entertaining for you.

But first I want to make sure you’re following me on instagram or Facebook. I have been posting my twelve days of Christmas according to a spoonie on there. Let me know if you can relate.

Showers and Detoxing

I was in the shower a while back. I was thinking about how it is one of the most exhausting acts that I go through in a day. And then it hit me. A hot flash.

Then when I was able to breathe and think again, it hit me. A shower induces a detox in me every time.

If you aren’t familiar with detoxing it wouldn’t be a sensation you easily recognize. I try to do at least one detox everyday.

My body produces or takes on more toxins in a day than it naturally releases. This is due to medications, stress and physical traumas. My body can tell when I am behind on detoxing. I will have worse gut issues and brain fog.

I have a list of detoxes and I will daily check in to see which feels best. I will go into more details on those in another post. Suffice it to say that I detox often and I know the signs.

When my body goes into a detox I feel pin pricks all over my skin. It feels clammy and I can’t tell if I am hot or cold. If it is a particularly heavy detox I will get nauseous and feel light headed.

The doctors I work with are not familiar with this process. Imagine their consternation. What should have been a simple process for them ended in this delightful turn of events.

A Cautionary Tale

What follows is a detailed story of my butt. It’s triumphs and defeats. And far too much information.

I had a boil on my butt. I find this happens when I don’t have enough of a binder in my supplements. I can develop a boil as toxins emerge wherever they gather. This was the first and only of the butt variety.

As is always the case, this came at an inopportune time. There really is no good time to have a boil on one’s butt… but this was the worst. I was going on a trek with a group of youth. We would be walking for miles out in the wilderness.

I did not want to be caught out there if things took a turn for the worse.

I went to the doctor to see what we should do in light of the situation. He gave me two options. Ignore it and hope it goes away. But there is a chance of it getting infected. Or if I preferred he would drain it.

Nobody prefers to have such an area dealt with at all. But infection in that area while miles away from all civilization seemed worse. So we prepared for what we all assumed would be a simple procedure.

When the doctor started to drain the fluid my body went into a detox like no other. I started to sweat. Not a lady like sweat. A dripping, slopping, disgusting sweat.

For a moment I thought the doctor got the wrong spot and was actually draining the lifeblood out of me. I have a high pain threshold. But I had to ask him to stop. In a normal situation I would have done anything to get this thing wrapped up in a jiffy. But he acquiesced to my strange plea to prolong this party.

And we all took a beat. The doctor with his needle. The nurse with her gauze. And me with my butt up in the air. Hm, isn’t this intimate.

The sweat was smearing my make up and making my hair stick to my face. The thin paper that they put on the bed was all wet, falling apart and sticking to me. I was slipping around on the table. How did we get here? I wondered. I did not foresee things going so sideways when I signed up.

I weakly motioned for him to continue. As he did… I promptly passed out.

When I came to, the nurse was asking if I needed anything. What an odd question for a woman with her butt up in the air who is only semi conscious. Sure I’ll take a shrimp penne. What’s the soup for today?

But seriously, friend to friend, am I wearing pants? I asked her.

Next question from the nurse, how would you rate your pain? Zero stars. Would not recommend.

The doctor came back in and this is when it occurred to me that this was a detox. And the professionals in the room had no idea what was going on.

We proceeded with the… procedure. My limbs started to seize up. I couldn’t have moved if I’d tried. (To be clear, I wasn’t trying, there was a needle in my butt!)

I had to ask for a bucket at this point. The probability of vomit was now inevitable. But when I went to take the little tray they give you, my hand wouldn’t move. I spewed and the tray helped to ensure it sprayed everywhere, on everyone.

It’s only awkward if we let it be awkward, guys. They just looked at me. Were they trying not to laugh or wondering what I was on?

At this point I was ready to call it. This had been enough humiliation for me and confusion for them for one day.

In Conclusion

What they must have thought of me as I walked out after a half hour nap in their procedure room. My unkempt clothes, hair and face all nasty with sweat and vomit and bits of bed paper. They must have had so many questions.

There’s probably a picture of me up in the back. Do not drain butt boils on this weirdo.

I failed to see the humour in the situation until at least a week later.

And the moral to this story: detoxing is serious business. Make sure you and your practitioner know what you are getting yourselves into! Especially when it comes to butt boils.

Guess what’s really good at helping you release toxins? Forest therapy! See you out on the trail.

She’s battling things her smile will never tell you about.

-Jonny Ox

Explore Forest Therapy for Fibromyalgia Relief

December 10, 2024 pammunkholm

Fibromyalgia Overview and Symptoms

According to the The Mayo Clinic website, fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain. This pain is accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory, and mood issues.

Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain and spinal cord process painful and nonpainful signals. More women are affected than men. People with fibro may also have tension headaches, TMJ, IBS, anxiety and depression.

Fibromyalgia is like many other disorders. It is on a spectrum and people can develop varying symptoms to varying degrees. These may include (but are not limited to) fatigue, stomach issues, brain fog, restless legs, painful periods, chronic pain, non restorative sleep, headaches and migraines, poor temperature control, swelling in the feet, poor concentration, dry eyes, rashes and itching, bladder problems, trouble staying alert, stiffness, light, sound and heat sensitivity, pain in the jaw, insomnia and IBS. My worst symptom (other than the burning pain under the skin) is twitching and itchy phantom nerve sensations. I feel them most in my nose and cheeks.

These types of symptoms vary from day to day. This variability makes it hard to answer the question, ‘How are you?’.

Less Known Symptoms

Then there’s the symptoms that are not as recognized for being related to fibromyalgia. Dizziness, weight gain, nausea, sensory issues, debilitating coccyx tail bone pain. Sharp or stabbing, burning or tingling sensation. Muscle spasms, aches, cramps, inability to relax. Intense, deep and gnawing bone pain. Feeling spatially disoriented, balance difficulty, staggering gait, dropping things frequently, not quite seeing what you are looking at, and difficulty judging distances. I don’t like driving at night. I find my light sensitivity and difficulty judging distances makes it challenging. It makes me wonder if that’s the reason I would start running into walls as I got tired when I was younger.

And the cold! My body does not like to get cold. It gets into my bones and takes me a long time to warm up. It makes any existing pain worse and the muscles that were already rigid, tighten up a little more. The cold makes skin hurt. Since our thermostats are always off, our bodies think it is 3x colder than what it actually is. Making living in a cold climate a challenge. Although, Saskatchewan seems to be a particularly poor choice on where to live. My chronic comrades will also understand that energy is limited. The cold siphons whatever you have left out of you. All of which can trigger a flare.

Flares

What else causes pain to flare? Everything! Weather changes, emotions, medication changes, severe fatigue, lack of sleep, sunlight, hormone changes, depression, travelling, anxiety, stress, diet, illness, medical tests, overexertion, illness, doctor’s appointments, medical procedures, lack of activity, temperature, injury, etc.

But that all happens on the insides. There are no indicators on the outside.

I Miss Being Me

And then there is the loss of self. Living with fibro often makes me feel extremely useless. I worry about making plans and then needing to cancel them. I worry that any time I do anything it will cause a flare. I can only handle living life a few hours a day. Within that time I need to fit in my exercise and food and therapies. That leaves little other time to achieve anything. It is difficult not to compare my limited life to those who live a normal number of hours per day. I was a mover and doer before. If there was more left to do I would just stay up and get it done. What is wrong with me? is the question on a never ending loop in my mind. Why am I incapable of pushing through?

I run out of energy long before the list is done. Everyday, forever. I fear being left behind, left out and forgotten because I can’t socialize often. It is lonely and it must be hard for others to see me and remember what I am going through. Because it is invisible. My life is not what I had hoped or planned for it to be.

There is so much waiting for us chronic comrades. Waiting to see a doctor. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting for meds to work. Once I knew I had fibromyalgia and had done the research I wondered, what I am waiting for now. This is it. This is fibro. I will never be well again. There is no reason left to hope to get well anymore. This is a depressing thought.

Validation for Chronic Comrades

Do you experience any of these symptoms? I believe you. I know that you are not making it up. I am acquainted with your grief. If we were going to make up an illness, wouldn’t we pick something cool? Or, at the very least, pick something that people would believe?

Forest Therapy as a Tool

This all sounds super doom and gloom. But never fear. Forest therapy is here. Forest therapy has been proven to calm overactive nerves. A key indicator in fibromyalgia.

We know the best medicine has always been what nature gives us. Sunlight, sleep, real food, natural movement and exercise, grounding, meditation, laughter and FORESTS! But there’s no time for such things! we say. Until it’s all we are capable of. Then we come back to what has been best for us all along.

So if we have already blown the fuse, here’s what you need to know: The Association of Nature and Forest Therapy Guides and Programs (ANFT) says, “Levels of the stress hormone cortisol decreased in test subjects after a walk in the forest, when compared with a control group of subjects who engaged in walks within a laboratory setting”.

Adds ANFT, “Forest bathing catalyzes increased parasympathetic nervous system activity which prompts rest, conserves energy, and slows down the heart rate while increasing intestinal and gland activity.”

Forest therapy uses immersion in nature through the five senses to help soothe frayed nerves. Frayed nerves are present in fibro. If we can calm them, it will bring our overall stress down. This reduction in stress supports our ability to manage this lifelong illness.

Forest therapy helps restore a sense of mental well-being as well.. It has even been shown to boost our immune systems. This practice can help us recover faster from physical maladies. And manage our chronic illness.

The modern forest therapy movement is rooted in the Shinrin-yoku “forest bathing” practice. This practice was developed in Japan in the 1980s. It has since become a central part of preventative health care and healing in Japanese medicine.

Should we be doing more of the same in western society? I think so!

I am waiting again. But for good things. I have hope in good things to come despite my chronic illness. I know I am developing the tools that will help me not only survive but thrive. I don’t need to compare myself to others. I am building my next self. She is strong and courageous and she knows how to support others.

If you enjoyed the post or if you think you know someone that could benefit from it please like, share or subscribe.

If you’re going through hell, keep going. Why would you stop in hell?

-Steve Harvey

Finding Strength in Nature During Winter

December 3, 2024 pammunkholm

I have loved her my little wanderer, with a mind full of wild forests and eyes that await adventures.

-Connie Cernik

We Are Nature

Have you ever considered how closely connected we are to nature? We have only to look at the pictures below to tap into that relationship. What does this awareness do for our psyche through the months of snow? Darkness and cold are the norm in places like Saskatchewan. We can fall into bouts of depression if we are not aware. We must also be willing to do something about it. Something as seemingly insignificant as looking at the next images can invite more positive vibes.

A Flare of a Week

This has been a week. One of those. You know the kind. I find it hard to think with any depth. I read but it goes in one eye and out the other. The more I strain to discern the more fuzzy my brain feels. I am drawn to images more than words. If you could match your week to an image, what image would it be? Add your image in the comments!

This has been my week. Shout out to @giselledekel for the apt illustrations. They define what I am feeling. What I can’t put it into words. As far as I know, Giselle did not intend to portray chronic fatigue and pain. And yet, in my estimation, she nailed it.

Make it stop. I will do anything to make the pain stop.

Actual footage of me going to get a drink.

When one is stuck in bed for any length of time the positions into which one gets range widely. Having been stuck in bed for two days myself I think I will lose my mind soon. My body craves movement but I have a joint stuck out in my lower back. The muscles spasm after sitting or standing for a few minutes. What does one do when what the body needs in one way contradict what is needed in another?

Sometimes all one needs is a little ‘spring’. Don’t worry, spring will come again.

Constant. fog. Can’t focus. What was I saying? Where am I going? Why did I come in here?

The question is, how much do I actually need to pee? Is this an emergency or can it wait till tomorrow? I’ll wait.

Too tired to get out of bed to grab the cord. In chronic illness this is not laziness, this is of necessity.

Come on, Pam. We have to do the things. ‘Coming!’

Sometimes I feel useless because I compare my day to someone who is not struggling with chronic illness. I think showing up daily means giving 100%. But 100% is going to look different on different days. Maybe one day will be spent taking care of myself, the next resting, the next a combination of the two. And maybe that’s ok.

When I have a week like this one, I need to remember something important. Where there is a flare up, there is also a flare down. These symptoms will subside. Like Mumford and Sons suggest, I can learn to love the skies I’m under. Despite how dim those skies appear at times.

Beware the Weight

What are you carrying under your dim skies? We all carry something. Is it necessary to carry that weight? Some weight is. But other weight is bigger and heavier than we were meant to bear. Are you carrying a mountain that you were supposed to climb instead? Be in tune to the weight you carry. Weight is what helps us grow and get stronger. But it is also what squishes us. We will be more successful in all areas of life if we are open to putting unnecessary weight down. What can you put down to lighten your load this season?

Is your definition of success and your current inability to achieve it an extra weight you can put down? There are times I need to be reminded that my success will be different from that of others. Maybe my success is what I have become as I seek to regulate my nervous system. Maybe the only needed success at this time is not to compare myself to others. Creating a life that is mine. Having genuine and close relationships. The ability to heal from past mistakes. Setting and expecting boundaries to be kept. Knowing my own worth. Knowing how to show up for myself. Speaking kindly to myself. And knowing when and how to let go. Not abilities highly sought after these days. Yet in terms of growth these traits are far from inconsequential.

Having Fun this Christmas Season

Despite the weight and the hard days, there are still opportunities to have fun this Christmas season. Though as C.S. Lewis said,

Have fun, even if it’s not the same kind of fun everyone else is having.

I don’t always know what will add to my fun. But I understand that certain types of fun are difficult for my body. Trying to have such fun will not add to my enjoyment in the long run. This can be difficult and lead to feelings of abandonment and depression.

But there is a type of fun that will work for everyone. It will look different for each person but we start with the same questions. Gabrielle Roth explains that in many shamanic societies, a medicine person would ask one of four questions if you complain of being depressed. The first question is, when did you stop dancing? Second, When did you stop singing? Next, When did you stop being enchanted by stories? And finally, When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

So this Christmas season, have fun and keep dancing (literally or figuratively). Sing, find enchantment in stories, and find comfort in silence. Find time for novalunosis- the state of relaxation and wonderment experienced while gazing upon the stars. I love stars.

Adopt a slower pace and own it.

Survival

When each day feels like I am barely surviving I start to feel so small. As though there is so much going on in the world and I am missing it all. I am falling behind and being forgotten. I am a moot point. What can I offer the world from my bed? Then I remember these words by Brene Brown.

One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.

I do not write to complain or to invite sympathy, I show my scars so that others can heal.

The Power of Love

This time of year we start to think of our favorite things. We make lists of what to get and what to give. If you were to list all of the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself? There is a power in loving yourself. Not a prideful love but a quiet knowing and enjoying. Maybe it’s something we can all work on in the new year.

In my journey of wellness through forest therapy I am finding the real me. Would you like to do the same? Would you like these words to be said of you?

She was powerful not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on so strongly despite the fear.

-Atticus Poetry

In Conclusion

We are nature. Recognize the connections in your short and sweet forest time. When you have a week like mine, success will look different. Check that the weight you are carrying is of worth to you. Keep having fun, dancing, singing and finding enchantment. Find wonder in the stars. Allow yourself to move slower this season instead of faster. You are wintering. Do not feel small in your trials, you are going to be the way out for someone else. On a list of things you love, make sure your name is close to the top. Find yourself and your strength despite the fear.

The trees know about the winter. About the change. About the falling. About the loss. And they grow anyway, What’s your excuse?

– Erin Van Vuren

Navigating Chronic Illness: The Patient’s Perspective

November 12, 2024 pammunkholm

The forest speaks to my soul in a language I already know; a distant lullaby from the womb of peace and solitude.

-Angie Weiland- Crosby

I am literally addicted to forest bathing. While the ability to forest bathe in the winter does create challenges there is a way around most of them. We will discuss ways to combat the winter blues in a future post. We will also talk about how to maintain the healing momentum we all feel more powerfully in the summer.

But today I want to focus on doctor appointments. What’s the big deal about doctor appointments? Anyone with chronic pain/ illness knows. Let me explain the realities of chronic pain and medicine. This is for those who have not had to fight to get care.

The relationship between doctor and patient is supposed to come to a successful resolution. Diagnosis. Or death. The tricky nature of the chronically ill patient and their doctor is an uncomfortable one. There is no resolution or death. There is no treatment plan or hope for the future. It is hard for many people to wrap their brain around. Surely there is a surgery to be performed. A trial drug to be prescribed. If nothing else there must be the greatest of emotional supports. Not so.

My first thought with a new doctor is to walk in and ask for a refund on this body. It’s defective and terribly expensive. Actually explaining what has happened and what is now going on is exhausting.

Our world is set up to have an answer for everything. Just ask google. Or Siri. But not all doctors know all medical conditions. And some conditions don’t resolve.

I read this the other day: Having a chronic illness is like having severely bad eyesight and needing glasses. Except glasses don’t exist. Most people don’t believe you have bad eyesight. You get judged for not being able to see correctly, people think you are faking for attention. People tell you all the time they wish they had your bad eyesight so they could get out of certain obligations. You cannot go to work because you cannot see. You cannot read a page in front of your face, doctors say you are just depressed. Everyone around you tells you to try harder to see. Lots of people tell you to do yoga.

There are healthy people that are under the impression that chronic illness sufferers have a free ride. We “get to” stay home all day. And we get access to all the equipment and therapies needed for our condition. That is, sadly, just not true.

The pains I’ve had to go to get supports is almost too much. It is painful to think. Painful to fill out a form. Painful to sit in a waiting room to talk to someone about it. Painful to have them dismiss me and suggest I seek counseling.

Our medical system is more overloaded than before 2020. Still, these issues I am experiencing were a problem long before that. There is a lot of waiting in the medical system. At any given time, I am either waiting to see a doctor. I am waiting to hear back from a specialist. I could be waiting for a prescription to start working. Waiting on a cure. Or I’m waiting on a medical test that probably won’t show anything anyway!

Or my go-to move. Waiting in the walk in for hours because I forgot to book with my doctor before my meds ran out. Again!

This graphic from MyBodyIsTryingToKillMe.com could not be more accurate. When you’ve experienced medical gaslighting the time periods before, during and after appointments are even more anxiety triggering.

If you haven’t heard of gaslighting, allow me to catch you up. Gaslighting involves using psychological manipulation. This manipulation aims to undermine a person’s faith in their own judgment, memory, or sanity. In medical gaslighting it can look like being dismissed in your concerns or questions. Disregarding or minimizing your pain or other symptoms. When medical professionals try to pass off your musculoskeletal pain as something that is just in your head. Being stereotyped for gender, race or condition. Being shamed for attempting to self diagnose (have you seen that smirk?). Refusing to order lab work, imaging or a referral.

How many of these have you experienced? Comment below with your story.

Pre appointment jitters start coming up for me the day before. Or a week before, depending on how much I need this doctor to hear me. I have spent hours making notes, writing down questions and praying this doctor would hear me. And take me seriously.

It is demoralizing to be told you need to do more. You are simply waiting to be told what to do that will not make symptoms worse.

During an appointment I have been told nothing is wrong. That I just need to do more physio. That I won’t get better if I don’t get off the couch. This is the tip of the iceberg. It is demoralizing to be told you need to do more when you are simply wanting to be told what to do. In each diagnosis there is an attempt to create pain. Like getting your car engine to do the weird thing it does for the mechanic. But my issue was in “the wiring”. It would hide from doctors. Then it would show up as searing pain the following day. When they didn’t see it, it was hard to convince anyone it existed.

Post appointment always left me feeling let down. Major depression. I would have so much hope that this would be the answer. Only to be told there was nothing they could do. After the worst appointments, I would start looking for a new doctor. This added a fresh layer of stress to the pile. Then there is the drain circling doubt. I would question my thoughts. My symptoms. My pain. Is it all in my head?

I don’t access the medical system for many things anymore. There is so much more pain there. I use it for what it can offer and the rest I get from nature.

I am grateful for what I now know. Because the effects of medical gaslighting in my life were starting to take their toll. It has contributed to my ongoing depression and anxiety. It has given me a mistrust of doctors and specialists. Though my mistrust in myself has been the greatest weight. I have hesitated to seek care for myself and my family in other areas because of my experience. That has not always led to the best outcome.

While this is all very frustrating it is wonderful to know there are others out there. I am not the only one. So here I lend my voice to tell you that you are not the only one. I share these wildly accurate and humorous thoughts from Nia @chronicnotebook to end on.

This is hilariously accurate. I have definitely given myself this pep talk.

You are a forest and no matter how many wildfires burn you down you’ll always find a way to grow back.

C.S. Lewis

Living with ME/CFS: A Journey Through Chronic Fatigue

November 5, 2024November 5, 2024 pammunkholm

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me because I, too, am fluent in silence. – R. Arnold

What is your toxic trait? I have many. One of mine is pushing through when my body is exhausted and needs to stop.

{MYALGIC ENCEPHALOMYELITIS}

I was diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/ Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS). Mya what?!? I like this infographic for breaking it down. It is so much more than being tired!

At the time of my diagnosis I wasn’t suffering many of the symptoms. It wasn’t my first concern. I was just trying to get my floppy joints to hold still. ME didn’t seem like a big deal. So what if I’d be tired. I just wanted the pain to stop.

But now, years later, I can see what ME has done and is doing to my body. Pushing through is never the right answer with ME/CFS. And having it?… actually is a big deal. I need to be aware of how it affects my body and what I can do to manage the symptoms.

If you’d like to know what it’s like to have ME/CFS follow these 6 simple steps:

First you’ll need to fast for 24 hours
Also stay awake for those 24 hours
Every time you stand up, spin around 5 times really fast
Throw yourself down the stairs 5 times in a row
Run 10 miles
And continue to try to live a normal life
this list is brought to you by sunshineandspoons.com

Accurate!

{SYMPTOMS}

The actual list of ME/CFS symptoms includes post exertional malaise. It seems obvious. You get tired after you perform an activity. Everybody gets that. But with ME there is a disproportionate amount of exhaustion for the type and length of activity. For example, showering is so tiring.

What is it? Arms up? Standing in one spot? I don’t know for sure but I need to rest after a shower. Sometimes in the middle of a shower.

Next on my list of symptoms is muscle pain and weakness. I need to exercise to keep my muscles strong enough to hold me together. When we leave the gym I have so much muscle weakness. I have trouble getting to the car without willing my body to keep moving. I’m daily tempted to ask my hubby for a piggyback. I feel the lactic acid running through my veins. Like I just ran a marathon and then sat down for a half hour. Then stood up and tried to walk. Can you feel the Oof?

And my favourite (and most embarrassing) symptom. Cognitive impairment. Brain fog. Oh the brain fog!

This is my life now. Anyone I have had a conversation with in the past couple of years can verify.

The list goes on. Sleep problems. Hypersensitivity to light and stimuli. Flu like symptoms, it has been compared to feeling poisoned. Shortness of breath. Difficulty swallowing and chewing. Sweating. Dizziness. Muscle pain, twitching and uncontrollable spasms. Poor tolerance for hot and cold. Visual disturbances (waves or blurred vision). Inconsistent central nervous system operation. Word finding difficulty. Disjointed speech. Difficulty comprehending text. Difficulty with processing and concentration. Feet burning. Poor digestion. I only list here the symptoms I have experienced. The list goes on for others who suffer ME. As I reread this list, it sounds like the side effects of a drug that’s not worth taking!

Just like so many syndromes in our world the severity of ME each person experiences is on a spectrum. Some people need to spend their lives in bed. Often separated from life to handle the pain that accompanies ME caused by any exertion. My heart goes out to those who suffer in such a way.

I was there.

{{MY STORY}}

In 2020 I hit a breaking point. But not for the same reason many other people did.

My body would no longer work the way it always had. Pushing through wasn’t a viable option. The wall of exhaustion was sudden and extreme. It was physical, mental and emotional. I had to go to bed and I didn’t know when I’d be strong enough to leave it again.

No 20 minute nap was going to fix this.

I had to stop working. I eventually (tearfully) decided to close my business. I couldn’t make my own meals. I didn’t want to eat anything anyway. I didn’t feel like sleeping but I was SO TIRED. My brain was spinning and all my nerves were ready to zap if not treated with the utmost respect.

Most heart wrenching of all. I had to leave my family. I had to go where it was quiet and still. There is nothing quiet and still about three teenage/ young adult sons and a farm to run.

I needed to be warm. And hushed. I needed to focus on me. Just me.

It. Took. Months. Of being still.

More months of learning to slowly start life again. And then starting over again but with boundaries.

More months of realizing this is my life now. I had expected to put my life on pause for a short time. And to pick up where I left off as soon as I was “better”. But you can’t live on pause. And there was no “better” forthcoming.

Not everyone who suffers ME will experience the same results as my story. Even if they do exactly what I did, outcomes differ. You can do everything right and still suffer the symptoms. I managed to break free from chronic fatigue’s strangle hold. By no small miracle.

During those first months my brain just wanted to stop but I had so many daily worries. I couldn’t handle the thought of letting them go. And there was nothing to physically be done in my state to take care of them.

So my mom would come into my room at her house. She would sit at the end of my bed and write all of my worries down.

She’d help me sort out what needed to be taken care of and who should do it.

Over time I started physically building myself back up so I would be strong enough to go home. I’d walk around my parents house for a minute. Then two. Then three. Everything had to be such a slow build. Or I’d start from square one again.

I couldn’t handle any stress. Try avoiding that in this day and age! It was and is an ongoing battle to recognize and alleviate those triggers.

This all seems a lifetime ago. Today I live an almost normal life. Normal for me I should say. I still can’t work. I have to pay attention to how I am feeling at all times. I need to make sure I am not overdoing anything. I listen to my intuition when I take things on or when I choose to politely decline. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I have to go to bed.

{OVERCOME}

I don’t like being known as the woman who is always exhausted. Pushing through and setting off flares in my body. I don’t want to be remembered for just barely holding it together.

I want to be remembered as joyful and relaxed. When I rest I can let it restore me not frustrate me. I want to be remembered for loving fiercely and for being a woman who knows her worth and her strength including her limitations. Living in the mess and magic of this life. I don’t want to take things too seriously!

What can you do if you suffer some of the same symptoms? What are the treatment options? Doctors will tell you there is nothing they can do. While this might be true, there is plenty that you can do.

{TREATMENT}

Forest bathing is my number one recommendation. Get into nature and find comfort and healing in its embrace. As the days get colder just add more layers. If you need help to get the greatest benefits out of the forest head over to my contacts page. We can go together and I can show you how.

Do not find yourself guilty of my toxic trait. Do not push through. Just keep swimming is not always the right advice especially not for chronic pain sufferers. Just keep swimming till you have a flare. Just keep swimming till you are in so much pain you can hardly move. Just keep swimming will put you in bed. Your best option might be to just stop swimming and respect your limitations. And take care of yourself accordingly.

Here are some other things you can do to treat ME/CFS. Each of the ideas will put a drop in your bucket. The infographic mentions Fibromyalgia too. It is very common to have more than one chronic disease to manage. It is not like Pokemon. You definitely don’t want to catch them all.

Do not let your bucket run dry! Keep a daily schedule to stay on top of these treatments and ways of life.

Other treatments include pharmacological (for sleep, for twitches and spasms, for depression that often accompanies chronic illness, muscle relaxants (not me, my muscles are stretchy enough on their own), or medical marijuana for pain).

More treatments for pain include massage, physiotherapy, chiropractor, meditation and relaxation, heat and cold packs.

Sleep. Set up a soothing bedtime routine and stick to a regular sleep schedule. I am working on practicing what I preach in this area.

Other useful tools: Add salt to your water for extra hydration. Compression socks. Breathwork. Clean diet. Memory aids. Ear plugs and eye masks. Ask what your body needs and follow its answers.

{TO THOSE WHO SUFFER}

I end with this justifying quote for all those who suffer from ME/CFS. Dr. Clare Taylor said,

I maintain the sickest patients I have looked after are ME patients. They suffer. Every single day. For years. And get told to try harder. One day it will be accepted for what it is.

I don’t know this doctor. But here, here! Vindication for all who suffer.

If this sounds familiar to you, and you want to discuss more than what I cover on the blog, reach out to me on my contacts page. Tell me your story. There is healing in just that.

And she stopped… and she heard what the trees said to her, and she sat there for hours not wanting to leave. For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe. -Becky Hemsley

The Inconvenient Truth About My Connectivity Disorder: and what forest therapy has done to help

October 29, 2024 pammunkholm

And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself because I could find no language to describe them in. – Jane Austen

I had a cousin at a family reunion ask me what it is like to have a connective tissue disorder. For anyone that is familiar, I have something close to Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome. Essentially what that means is that I have extremely mobile joints.

My cousin inquired how such a thing affects my day to day life. The question was so kind and thoughtful but I was thrown off guard.

Trying to sum up my medical history and symptoms and how it has affected me in the past and how it affects me now is like trying to perform open heart surgery with a Degree in Finance and the tweezers from the game of Operation.

My mind was starting to poke at a few entry points but it’s so all encompassing. I couldn’t find a place to start.

I was saved by the commencement of a presentation that we both wanted to watch. I didn’t end up answering her question.

But it is a query to which I’d like to be able to respond. I am going to attempt to do so here.

MY main issue with hypermobile joints is that, as the song goes, Every Now and Then I Fall Apart. Except every now and then should actually be all the time. I am lucky enough to have some ligament strength. There are those who suffer much worse than I do.

Collagen is the glue that holds our bodies together and gives our tissues their strength. It affects our skin, bone, muscles, cartilage and organs. So when we are asked what part hurts… it’s just easier to ask what doesn’t hurt.

My connective tissue disorder is nothing compared to what others go through. As with so many disorders there is a spectrum to illustrate the severity. While there are others who suffer more than I do there are also those who suffer less. To clarify, I am not talking here about occasional aches and pains. That pain is also valid. But we can all agree it does not grant understanding of chronic pain/ illness.

Mercifully, I don’t suffer from dislocations. Only from tiny subluxations all over my body. They are sometimes referred to as tiny traumas. That makes them sound so cute.

Your joints are supposed to slide around in their sockets. But with a connective tissue disorder, your ligaments and tendons don’t have the strength they need to hold you from sliding out too far. Once it goes past a certain point, the bone will get stuck. This is called a subluxation and will need manipulation or massage to get it back in place.

I’m not sure how this manifests in the lives of other sufferers. But for myself, due to the length of time this has been happening and the traumas that have weakened joints, there has not been a time in over a decade that all my joints were in at the same time for more than a day.

This means my body is always “upset”. There is no rest. It is always working to stay on top of the pain. My muscles have to take over for the injured or weak joints which is also tiring.

I’ve read that people with EDS have high adrenaline, making it hard to fall asleep. I can relate. Adrenaline is great! Until it’s not. It has helped me get through more than one function or event despite my limitations. Keeping me going until the work is done or the party is over.

The danger in using up those adrenaline reserves is that I do not recognize when I’m in that mode. I still think I am awake and in tolerable pain. When with no warning I am suddenly exhausted and past the point of pain relief. I know others with chronic pain who do more than their fair share of this a well.

If you suffer from chronic pain, be aware of your adrenaline reserves and don’t run them empty.

I mentioned I don’t have Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome (EDS) but something similar. I use their images because they apply to me.

I heard a fellow sufferer say once that their joints go out more than they do! I concur. My body does not like the evening, or the cold, or anything too loud or stimulating. It is a picky body. Staying in is the best plans for this lady!

But I can sing along with the song, I’m Flexy and I Know It. That’s the words, right?

Sometimes a picture can say it all.

If you can do this you may have a connective tissue disorder. Who knew? I thought it was just a fun party trick to be able to contort my body for the amusement of friends.

The reason I do some explaining about my disorder is to hopefully connect with those who are suffering from some of the same issues. It can be difficult for generally healthy people to understand. With the best of intentions they will give you all the medical advice you never wanted. In most cases it won’t apply. General health advice will often not help those with chronic illness.

I am still healing. I have a ways to go. But to use the idea of Stephanie Spark, I want to walk through the flames of this hell with buckets of water ready to turn around and pour it on those still consumed by the fire.

To my fellow sufferers, do not doubt yourself. You are a warrior.

Our bodies are not made to deal with the level of toxins in our world. Add to that high levels of stress, lack of sleep, medications, surgeries, etc. So what can we do?

I have an answer for the healthiest to the most toxic ridden among us.

Forest therapy.

Going into any natural space is so beneficial. Ground. Meditate. Pay attention to your surroundings. Wrap up warm and breathe in the fresh, crisp air of fall.

When you are ready to practice forest therapy with a guide to get the greatest benefits, reach out and contact me. I can help you maximize the benefits you experience in the forest.

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit and resign yourself to the influence of the earth. – Henry David Thoreau

Ways to Calm Your Overactive Nervous System: including but not limited to Forest Therapy!

October 22, 2024 pammunkholm

Here I sit beneath a tree,

Heartbeat calm

Soul hums free.

-Angie Weiland- Crosby

The conversation I am hearing around any table, in any social situation, is a desperate pleading for less stress, calmer nerves, more down time. Any way you put it, people are worn out. The phrase I choose to use in this space, is that we each have a deep need to regulate our nervous system. Which requires less stress and finding a way to calm our nerves.

So how do we go about doing this?

If only it were this easy!

Do A, B and C and your nervous system will be regulated. If only there were a list of instructions. But any of us who suffer from an easily activated system know from experience that once you allow that “jack-in-the-box” out, it is really difficult to squish him back in. Once you have had a breakdown of nerves aka a nervous breakdown it is really difficult to bring them back to normal function.

But! The good news is that it can be done.

There are many good ways to calm a dysregulated immune system. My number one favourite way is forest therapy. In the forest we find peace. We find rest and rejuvenation. It’s not just from the nice scenery.

There are many principles to forest therapy that I can teach to help you find the benefit of the forest when we go on a walk together.

As a forest therapy guide I am trained to lead you to the most valuable use of your precious time by sharing invitations to bring the benefits into your being and to take aspects of the forest home with you to keep that regulated feeling flowing.

I have to admit there are many other ways to regulate an overactive nervous system but I hold to the opinion that forest therapy is best!

Think of anything that brings you calm. We are not talking about ignoring your emotions while binge watching Disney movies and eating copious amounts of junk food. What we seek is the calm that feeds you. When you finish this type of activity, you feel better than when you started.

Some of my other ways to support my nervous system are: fun with family and friends, going to church, helping others, being creative or expressing gratitude.

Then there are the therapies that are also supportive. Red light therapy. Detoxing.

When our nervous system is overactive there is an over abundance of cortisol present. Cortisol is a good hormone in appropriate amounts. But like anything, too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

Cortisol’s acidic nature can cause a breakdown in lymphatic tissue and can lead to the flow of fluid being reduced. Grounding (connecting bare skin to the earth or a grounding mat) can support the breakdown of cortisol and improving lymphatic fluid flow.

Many of us who suffer from chronic conditions have a buildup of lymphatic fluid. A quick tip for this week is to either hum, bounce on a rebounder (you don’t even have to leave the mat, just a small bounce) OR tap your chest with your first three fingertips to clear some of this fluid daily. If there has been buildup you may notice a lot of phlegm in your throat. Nasty, but success!

For everyone, there is a chronic health epidemic regarding our nervous systems and we are all vulnerable, I believe this epidemic is due in part to the attitude we have developed around work, money and our own self worth.

If you look at the terms we use for money you will notice how they can also be used when talking about an individual and how they see themselves. The value of a dollar is nothing compared to the value of each human being. Our net worth can be high and our self worth low.

If we’ve spent years finding our worth in our productivity our nervous systems perceive play and rest as unsafe.

But maybe rest is exactly what we need!

Instead of asking, ‘Have I worked hard enough to deserve rest?’, I’ve started asking, ‘Have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work?’ – Jane Hobbs

Whatever work that may be. Employment. Raising children. Caring for aging parents. Putting our creative work out into the world. A combination of these. Or none of these. For some of us, taking care of our bodies is a full time job because that is the only way out of this powerful cycle of dysregulation.

Brene Brown said, It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.

Relatable?

May I offer a suggestion to choose your rest spot well?

Certain members of my family who shall remain nameless are so good at falling asleep they could make it an Olympic event. It’s a form of art, the noises they can make and how wide the mouth can hang open as they drift further and further into dreamland; it’s quite impressive. Ok I admit I am one of them, but these stories are not about me!

One day after hours of errands, one family member got in the car, leaned the seat back and closed their eyes. Upon waking, through blinking, fuzzy eyesight they saw a man wandering unnervingly close to their car and looking directly at them with eyebrows furrowed.

He was not the only one on the scene as there was a bus stop directly across from Sleeping Beauty and we have surmised our family member must have looked dead. That man waiting for the bus must have gotten quite a shock when the concern that brought him to peer into the windshield, turned to surprise that the dead had awoken.

Another time. Anther family member. This time a truck and a moment to nap on the side of the road that turned to dread upon waking hours, that’s right, plural, hours later to wonder how many friends had witnessed the scene. They’d had plenty of opportunity to drive by over all those hours. Possibly more than once since it was a popular intersection for all that know this nameless family member.

Here’s an approach to shifting that perspective. From exhaustion as a status symbol to doing what is best for us. I hope this sticks more than a mere invitation to get your rest, I offer to you two words of the week. Hurkle Durkle and Ramfeezled.

Ramfeezled: An 18th Century term for wrung out, tired and exhausted. Let’s stand up to the world’s judgment and have a nap before we become ramfeezled. And we will NOT allow exhaustion to be our status symbol. We choose life.

Hurkle- Durkle: A 200- year- old Scottish term meaning to lounge in bed long after it is time to get up. Happiness is Hurkle-Durkling. When your body needs rest, find time and a way to rest. When your energy is depleted find a time to Hurkle- Durkle. It is refreshing to get the amount of sleep one’s body needs.

You know how when you plug your phone in to the cord and leave it all night only to find the other end wasn’t plugged into the wall? It got no charge from being only plugged in on one end.

That is what it can feel like to someone with chronic fatigue/ pain/ illness. The stress on our body to exist can become too much some days. And exhaustion is the reality.

Have you experienced this type of fatigue? Being tired and being fatigued are quite different.

Please be aware of the beings in your world that require extra rest. It can be quite devastating to wake up after hours of sleeping and still be exhausted. Or to have a small window of the day to get things done before the body is showing signs of stress and fatigue.

We all experience moments of fatigue. However, if you are one of those that wakes up fatigued everyday and then goes about their endeavors as best they can like a boss, I see you, I recognize what it costs you, you are not alone.

Never. And I mean Never feel bad about taking a nap or getting a rest when your body needs it.

I invite you to allow the effects of the forest to heal your dysregulated nervous system. It can help bring your cortisol levels under control in a shorter period of time than other ways I’ve tried. Arrange your life to allow time to rest when your body needs to rest. Have you rested enough to do your most loving and meaningful work? Say yes to rest but choose your rest spot wisely! Find time to hurkle- durkle and don’t become ramfeezled. I can show you how.

Join me in the forest. Head to my contacts page to book or to make inquiries. Take care of yourselves.

Respair: Healing Hope for those with Chronic Illness

October 15, 2024 pammunkholm

I rested my body on the forest grass, gave my soul to the wilderness and never looked back. – Angie Weiland Crosby

I heard something this week that made me consider how I use the terms healing and cure. I don’t talk much about cure. It’s not in my vocabulary at this time. But I talk a lot about healing and I want to be clear that when I speak of healing it is not the same way I would use the term cure. Chronic disease means there is no cure. There is no holding on until this gets figured out. This is it.

But in chronic disease I have positively found healing.

Chronic illness teaches us that healing isn’t always about getting better; it often means discovering how to lead a fulfilling life despite persistent symptoms. – @dear_chronic_pain

To me the previous picture illustrates healing. There is no cure for a tree that cracks and topples. But maybe there is life on the branch. Maybe it’s pretty great there. It will not look or feel the same as if you had not lost part of yourself. But what you gain in the process might be phenomenal. Even if it doesn’t feel like it most days.

There is healing in the forest. It may not be a cure. But it is that shimmer of hope just like the sunlight shining through the breaks of a densely wooded area. You have to stay perfectly still and focused to see its constant light. There are times I need the still silence of nature. To remind me that the light is still there even when I can’t see it. It is still lighting my way even if I can’t see the source or the beams or the rays. I find healing in remaining hopeful. I have to stay perfectly still and focused to see the source of that hope. Nature helps me stay still and focused long enough for that hope to penetrate my being. So when I come back to my day I am better able to handle everything that happens.

Which leads me to a new word that IS in my vocabulary as of right now. Respair: (Old English 16 Century) “Fresh hope. Recovery from despair. A renewed outlook.”

Maybe focusing on what we are gaining in the process can help soften those moments when our being is threatening to fall back into despair. Thomas S Monson said, “Good timber does not grow with ease. The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees.” What are you gaining in your process of healing?

Healing isn’t always pretty. Think of a wound that has to drain before it can heal. A gash that needs to be stitched until the body restores. Or a bone that has to be rebroken before it will set properly. Sometimes there is back and forth in healing. Sometimes there is backtracking. Sometimes it’s really ugly. But healing and respair each have a role especially through the mess.

This poem by ullie-kaye speaks volumes more than I can write on the subject.

bare bones

hope is not always soft and lovely.

she is not always cascading rivers

and sunlit skies, dancing, hope knows

there is work to be done. there are

roads to be traveled. turns to be made.

she is bare bones and deep waters.

she is weary and weak. she is barely

a glimmer. she shakes when she speaks.

this is where hope lives, smothered in

sweat. full of war. and on the verge

of crumbling into the sea.

yet there she is, quietly breathing.

Perhaps this is the way. There is no going around it. J.R.R. Tolkein said, “You can only come to the morning through the shadows.”

This life can be challenging for even the bravest and strongest among us. It can help to recognize and give voice to some of the things that are helpful or unhelpful for your journey.

Beware of the things that take your energy. I share some of mine to stir up your thoughts on the subject. My energy takers include focusing on the past, negativity, clutter, inconsistent sleep, and junk food. When you know what is draining you, there is an opportunity to limit the amount of time you are in that type of space. Clean up the clutter (only what you can do). Clean up the sleep schedule (as much as you can). Limit time with people who drain you.

Find things that feed your energy. My energy givers include (but are not limited to) sunlight, whole foods, nature, music, fresh air, visiting a friend, whatever level of movement that is acceptable to my body that day and dancing.

If you are someone that is noticing your body overreacting to normal stimuli on a regular basis or if are consistently overstimulated the following can be a very beneficial practice. Grounding can be used to describe different activities such as taking off your shoes and connecting with the earth. It can also be used to denote a grounded feeling. When you are stuck in a state of intense emotion your body is under strain. Emotionally, mentally and physically. A grounding exercise that I have used to come out of that state is called 5-4-3-2-1. This is how it works. Name 5 things in your immediate vicinity that you can see. Don’t just look at them. Name them. It does not have to be spoken out loud but you need to come up with the name of the item. Towel. Window. Closet door. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Then name 4 things you could feel, tactically speaking. I feel the breeze from my fan. I feel my socks on my feet. Etc. 3 things you can hear. Cars. My son singing in the next room. My grandson running around upstairs. 2 things you can smell. The farmer sausage my son made. The soap from washing my hands. 1 thing you can taste. The peach tea I am drinking. This will trick your brain into slowing down and stop being hyper focused on the problem. This method has brought me out of a state of fight or flight in the past.

On the flip side of this overstimulated state is something I learned a bit about this week called Yutori. In Japanese it means to slow down. To be intentional. To breathe. Appreciate life and nature. Getting out of the constant grind to relax and reflect. Forest therapy is a perfect way to practice Yutori. In forest bathing we move slowly and intentionally. We breathe deeply. We appreciate nature and take time to relax and reflect. I suggest Yutori, in the form of forest therapy, is one of those things we need to schedule into our lives. The work is never done. If you are waiting to rest until all else in your life is settled, you will find that day never arrives. But regularly scheduled time will increase the likelihood of it happening exponentially.

I feel like my brain is the junk drawer and someone just dumped it on the trampoline. I have done my best, now it is up to you to make sense of it.

I’d love to have you all join me in a forest walk one day. For now you can try it on your own and then reap the benefits of having a guide when you are ready. Reach out to me anytime. Find all the info you need on my contacts page. Take care my friends.

Finding Joy Amid Chronic Illness: The Role of Glimmers

October 8, 2024 pammunkholm

Doctor: You need to learn to listen to your body.

Me: Oh we’re not on speaking terms.

Has anyone else felt this way? As with so many things, my remedy for this circumstance is to get into the forest. Especially these beautiful fall days. Even still, some days all I can do is seek dopamine squirts.

Wait, what is squirting?!? Allow me to clarify.

What is dopamine? It is a chemical messenger made in the brain to communicate between nerves and cells in your brain and between your brain and the rest of your body. Dopamine also acts as a hormone. It is known as the “feel- good” hormone.

When do I need dopamine? It is mainly involved in movement, memory, behaviour and cognition, attention, sleep and arousal, mood and learning. It also plays a small role in the fight or flight response. While it has many functions we will focus on it’s ability to give one a sense of pleasure.

Why are dopamine hits so supportive to a chronic pain sufferer? When pain is the central focus of the day, anything that produces a feel- good effect is significant.

As a side note, if anyone wonders whether you can just focus on something else, this isn’t always an option, let alone prudent. In my case, I need to keep track. Where is the pain, what needs to be loosened, will this activity produce more pain later, is there anything I should do to treat the pain, am I in too much pain and need to cancel plans ,,,again, etc.

These and many more thoughts related to my pain guide my plans for the day and for my life. When these are the constant and distressing thoughts, a squirt of something that makes me feel good is a welcome shift.

How do I feel when I have a dopamine squirt? Happy, motivated, alert, focused.

Living with chronic illness requires an intricate balance between ignoring your symptoms so you can live and listening to your body to survive. – @chelseahealinghappily

May I propose a way of living that I find softens the days. I suggest it for everyone but particularly those living with chronic pain. See if you can follow my train of thought as you view these images.

These photos stood out to me this week. They spoke to my need to feel joy by thinking young, acting young. and finding others to be young alongside. Ride the bikes. Make a pig nose on the window. Find a jump rope. Lay in the grass. Be the joy.

And on the days when these and other activities are not an option, rest. There is more than one way to rest. Sleep is important and so is feeling peace. Can you sense what peace would feel like if you let go and decided right now to live in joy and love? To follow the examples of those set in the photos above? It Will Bring You Rest.

We have all heard of triggers. We all know some of our triggers and are surprised when new ones pop up. Triggers are something or someone to avoid. Triggers generally mean there is something big going on internally that we may not have an understanding of where it came from or how to deal with it. We are left unsure of how to meet our needs. Here are some of my triggers:

Body: need to lie down (gr)

Anxiety: but we have so much to do (welp)

Depression: let’s just sleep forever (ugh)

Insomnia: lol, good luck (noooo)

Pain: *kicks in door* SUP GUYS! (we meet again)

Triggers are inconvenient to say the least. But have you heard of Glimmers? They are the opposite of a trigger. These are small moments of beauty and joy that help to regulate our nervous systems. They cue safety. They instill peace and evoke joy. They improve mood and mental health. Over time they build nervous system resilience. Each day brings the opportunity for hundreds of glimmers. Are you noticing them? Noticing these moments will add up over time and can become part of your healing practice. Become a glimmer- seeker.

A fabulous place to find glimmers is in the forest. Join me for a forest walk. Reach out to me on my contacts page. If you are enjoying the blog hit subscribe so you never miss a post and so others that may need it can find it. I appreciate all the love and all the sharing.

In the entire circle of the year there are no days so delightful as those of a fine October.

Get out and enjoy the colours and the changes of fall. Enjoy getting in touch with your younger self this week!

Nature Walks: Embrace Change and Find Peace

October 1, 2024 pammunkholm

Simplicity is the beauty of nature and silence is its fragrance. – Nitin Namdeo

When on a forest therapy walk we don’t teach or study the names of plants and flowers and trees. We don’t need to worry about anything so focused when experiencing nature. But it is interesting to note some of the plants and wildlife we are surrounded by every so often.

Following are a list of the fall flowers of Saskatchewan natural grasslands. Have you seen these or anything else on your forest walks? Let me know in the comments.

Owl’s Clover

Showy Sunflower

Brown eyed Susan

Prairie Sage

Canada Goldenrod

Common Broomweed

White Prairie Aster

Dotted Blazing Star

Tufted Fleabane

Join me in taking the time now to become familiar with plants and wildlife so when we are on the trail it can be a passing thought that connects us but not to the point that we need our phone out to ask Siri. Learn some this year and some next.

The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go. – Unknown

What can you learn from nature as it shows us the beauty of change and letting go?

Living with chronic illness/ pain/ fatigue requires change in us. A change in perspective and a change in plans. A change in friends and purpose. When we block that change we can create more difficulties and pain. When we yield to changes that need to be made we are like the fall tree shedding its leaves. Nothing has gone wrong. This is the next step. The thought of a tree holding its leaves in a death grip with the season is ridiculous. Is our holding on any less so?

The changes we need to make can be devastating and forever change who we are. Yet there is beauty in the change. When you looked into the weather worn skin of your mom or grandma, did you see wrinkles that needed to be smoothed? Or did you see the life they have lived in those lines? Laugh lines. Perplexed lines. Worry lines. Cry lines. All the lines of a life well lived.

I remember my grandma’s big crooked knuckles. I didn’t ever think they needed to be straight and small. They were part of her hands. They worked hard washing dishes, making pies, and keeping a clean house. They read books to me. They gave me treats for the horses. They taught me how to peel an apple. Those hands played the piano like nobody’s business. Those hands were perfect to me.

What changes are taking place in your life that may appear ugly to you but are actually just knuckles getting crooked or wrinkles being set? Is it possible that those changes appear to others like the changing of the fall leaves? Marvelous. Brilliant. Timely. Radiant.

Living a life with chronic disease requires something from a person. A bending of the will. Being taken from a healthy version of one’s self and changing to a version that may be difficult to understand. To navigate. To love.

I find when I bend to the discomfort and the disappointments and the disasters left in my wake as I just have to lay down, I am better able to see the beauty of the changes. I see what my family has learned in my “absence”. I have a better perspective of the big picture and I don’t get so focused on the details. I can be grateful for all the good.

Time spent forest bathing increases my capacity to see the good. There is so much of it out there. Enjoy your forest walks and if you need help to take it all in, let me know. Reach out to me on my contacts page.

I love crowds. Of trees.