Tag: mental-health

Investing in Your Soul: A Guide to Personal Growth

pammunkholm

I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.”

-Lewis Carroll

Have you heard the term ‘soul investment’? I am determined to make this a year that I invest in my soul. For me that includes times for what matters to me. Here is my short list. Play. Rest. Meeting my own unmet needs. Being authentic. Self care. This is my non- comprehensive list of criteria that I will prioritize to invest in my soul. As you read the post today, think about what your list is. To invest in your soul.

First, I want to take a moment to welcome all those who have recently subscribed. If you know someone who would benefit from my writings, please share this post with them. And invite them to connect with me on Facebook, X &/or Instagram.

Chronic anything is exhausting. My chronic comrades understand this. A thought occurred to me this week. It is also exhausting feeling obliged to constantly make lemonade out of the lemons life has brought to us. While the premise has its merits, when one has to make lemonade indefinitely, the exercise starts to feel futile. As chronic comrades we can set time aside to invest in our soul. This is my solution to keep the sugar supply coming for that constant demand on lemonade.

Are you tired of all the New Year’s resolution talk? It’s February already people! I’m somewhat embarrassed by a few of my goals. People traveled across mountains in wagons and I have ‘drink water’ on my to do list. What if instead of goals or resolutions, we talk about it in terms of investments in our soul. Know what you want and go for it.

👇🏼 This is my new dream! 👇🏼

Soul Investments

Soul investment is a term I heard recently. Souls have need to be invested in. Do you know what your soul needs? What if you thought of it as an investment? We are all either growing or dying. Do you agree? There is no standing still. If you are investing in yourself you are growing.

But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

-Haruki Murakami

Where do you want to experience growth? Physical strength or stamina? Mental strength and stability? Are you going to grow with the flow or be caught up by it and yanked around? Will you stand around looking for someone to lower the difficulty setting on your life? Or will you start making your own adjustments that will take you where you want to go?

When we speak of investing, it is more often in terms of finances. I know nothing about financial investing. But if I understand the basics. We take what we have. We place it in the hands of those that can make it grow. (Or we take time to learn for ourselves.) Hoping this practice will give us greater resources and opportunities for the future.

What if you applied that to your soul? Take what you have. Time, energy, resources. Allocate some of that to a space where it can grow. If you choose your allocations wisely, you will indeed have greater resources and opportunities in the future.

My short list of soul investing includes play, rest, meeting my own unmet needs, choosing authenticity, and taking time for self care. Here’s how that looks in my life as I strive to prioritize soul investments.

Play

I had to work to figure out what types of play I enjoy. I had to remember how to play. I was led in one book to think back to about the time I was between age 6 and 8. Before the influences of others changed my perception. What did I enjoy doing?

It took time but I remembered, I looove the swingset on a playground. If I can get a turn without pushing young children out of my way. It is a happy place for me. I love the motion and freedom. This is what I did as a young child. This is where I developed a friendship that started in elementary school. She continues to be a dear friend to this day 💗. On the swing is where I spent a most heart wrenching evening last spring. And on the swing is where I played and laughed with friends just a couple of summers ago.

What gets you into that reminiscent mood? Where did you spend your childhood days? Jump rope? Biking? Is there an element of play that you can re introduce into your life? Can you bake it into your routine? This way, it becomes something you automatically and joyfully do, rather than just another task. Maybe it’s dancing!

Grandchildren seem to be fabulous play partners. I highly recommend them. I enjoy recalling my own youth and days of raising my boys. As I watch the unfolding comedic dramas of my grand kids.

Rest

Rest is an act of faith. Sometimes I have to talk myself into resting. I remind myself that I know my body and what it needs. It is right and good that I should focus on rest and recovery at times. That is my job at this time.

I’m learning the importance of our circadian rhythms. Here is a brief overview. If it is of interest to you, I suggest you do some further research on the subject. For most of us, brief is best.

Our best chance for a deep, healing sleep is between the hours of 10pm and 2am. I have no problem being in bed by 8 or 9. But I struggle to set a time to turn off screens. I find it difficult to discipline myself and choose a standard time to fall into sleep.

My understanding is that around 5am there is an amount of cortisol released to start the waking process. Towards 7am blood pressure rises. Melatonin secretion stops. By 10am we are at our most alert state. By 2pm our coordination is at its most optimal. 3:30pm is when we display our best reaction time. 5pm is when our cardio and muscular strength peak. 6pm is when our blood pressure is at its highest. 9pm our melatonin secretion starts up again.

Working with this structure will give us the greatest chance for success. These hours and how they look for each of us will be different. I suggest working with the outline will feel like the least uphill battle. Here are some suggestions of what to do during those hours to get the most out of them.

  • 5am watch a sunrise or stretch
  • 7am breakfast, intention setting, walk
  • 10am focused work, output, this is when we have the best clarity and concentration
  • 12-2pm lunch, relax, nap, recover
  • 2pm study, research, learn, then get outside
  • 5-7pm share a meal, socialize
  • 8pm night ritual, reading, idea creation, journaling, meditation
  • 10pm sleep

Meeting My Unmet Needs

This is a big one. As an adult we still have needs. The same way a child has needs. They look different at different ages. We can go back and heal these parts of ourselves.

Disclaimer: The following should only be attempted while you are at a good baseline emotionally. I am not a trained therapist. This is an introduction only.

Inner child healing work. This is how it can look. I sit in a quiet spot where I will not be distracted. I picture a scene from my past that still comes to mind and bothers me. I see myself at whatever age I was when it occurred. I feel that little girl’s feelings. And then I take control of the situation. As my adult self. I talk to my young self. I soothe her emotions. I give her the information and the tools to come out of that upsetting time. I stand close and offer her my hand so she can follow me out. We don’t have to stay there anymore. We head to the light. I give her a hug and promise I am always close if she needs me.

Last week I talked about how trauma can flip our basic human thoughts around. Our wounded inner child works much the same way. We don’t even realize until we start to unpack those thoughts. This is hard work but remember that your bad days are part of your good life.

The poison leaves bit by bit, not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.

-Yasmin Mogahed

This here ☝🏼 is how we re- parent ourselves ☝🏼. And how to parent our children and grandchildren too. Thereby meeting our own unmet needs here and now.

Be Authentic

Be authentic. As a chronic everything manager, I do not have the time or energy to be inauthentic. I understand and foresee the cycle of chronic pain. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMORE. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE IN PAIN ALL THE TIME. THIS IS THE WORST AND I CAN’T HANDLE IT FOR ONE MORE MINUTE! I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Maybe that’s okay. Any therapists can pipe in here. I find the authentic me in this cycle. The me with chronic pain. She has breakdowns once in a while. As long as I don’t spend too much of my time there. I don’t have to hold it together all the time.

Recognize that when you are going about your daily activities you are doing more than is on the surface. If you are one of my chronic comrades you will be experiencing pain, fatigue, etc. And on top of that, add this to your daily check in. Not just what is my pain level. Also ask yourself, what is my distress level. They co exist and distress can be over any aspect of our chronic lives. It is real and I need to take time to acknowledge it.

Another way I try to be authentic to my self and support my soul investment. Is by only saying ‘yes’ when I can do so authentically. I have found that when I do not give an authentic ‘yes’, it is then a resentful ‘yes’. Nobody knows what I am going through but me. So when others don’t understand and require more than I can give. It is still okay to say ‘no’. It leads to far less problems in the long run.

Self care- cocoon stage

Lastly today, I want to share some ideas on self care. This is not the type of self care with bubble baths and candles. That has its place. But I want to share this idea I learned, of a cocoon stage. When I experience one of those times in the cycle, the aggravating times. The times I feel I can’t go on. It is normal to go into a cocoon stage. It is a time to focus on my emotional health. It is a time to read. To cook. To get out in the sun. Find new ways to be creative. A time to reconnect with myself. Listen to podcasts that inspire me. I set boundaries so I can take this time. If I take the time and use it well, I emerge each time, a different version of me.

Here are some ground rules for the cocoon stage. Don’t judge yourself, the timing, or the process. Do the things you truly enjoy or have always wanted to try. From the outside this is likely to appear as a period of rest. Not so. This is hard work. So rest during the process. Not everyone will understand the need for this cocoon stage. That has to be okay. Give your nervous system the time it needs.

Then emerge. A beautiful butterfly. ☝🏼 This is how I picture someone that has taken time for soul investment 💗 .

These are ways I invest in my soul. How do you invest in yours? Perhaps some forest therapy? 😉

Head over to my contacts page for more information or to book a session for the spring. Take care my friends.

Healing from Trauma: My Journey

pammunkholm

Allow nature’s peace to flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.

-John Muir

Chronic pain, illness and fatigue all come to us with a certain amount of trauma. In my experience medical gas lighting also played a key part in that trauma. There are so many ways we take on trauma through life, from slight to extreme. The experiences that have triggered that trauma for each of us are as varied as our fingerprints. But there are a few key points that you will take away from today’s post. I consider what happens to us when we experience trauma and pain. How I started my healing process. Signs that you are healing. And how to continue to support the ongoing process.

👇🏼How about a reason to work on healing from trauma and its associated triggers?👇🏼

Before we dive in, make sure you are following me on Instagram. Facebook. And X. Soon to be up and running, my YouTube channel! This year featuring videos of forest therapy in different Saskatchewan forests. That’s Saskatchewan, Canada for anyone outside our region. Stay updated on all things forest therapy that I have planned for this year.

In this post I discuss trauma. I am not an expert. I have no training in trauma recovery. What I can speak to, is my own experience. If you have experienced trauma and you need support, reach out to a trained professional. If you suspect you have wounds bigger than you can handle on your own. Counselors and therapists are wonderful at helping us heal wounds of the past. When that healing work is under way, join us in the forest for exponential growth and learning.

If you are one of my chronic comrades, those with chronic illness, pain &/or fatigue. You will know what I mean by the trauma that comes with those diagnoses. They are essentially a life sentence. A full time job with no benefits, no pay and you can never quit or get fired. While there are tools and techniques to manage chronic disease. There should still be a time to mourn the life that you had planned. It will look different going ahead. Eventually that will be okay. Take time to acknowledge the hurt. Then work towards acceptance. Forest therapy is great for this type of healing work.

If you are as lucky as I am, with an endless list of chronic diagnoses. (Only one more and then I have the whole set!😏) And if those diagnoses took time to acquire. And strike three, if those illnesses are invisible. I expect you have experienced medical gas lighting. If you are not familiar with the term, gas lighting can happen in any relationship. In medical gas lighting, a medical professional dismisses symptoms or concerns and writes them off as normal. They suggest the patient is exaggerating, imagining or overreacting. If you’ve ever left a doctor’s office feeling misunderstood. Or concerned that you will never get treatment or care for a serious ailment. You may have been a victim of medical gas lighting.

Like everyone else, I have experienced trauma in different ways. I have had medical professionals give horrid advice with disastrous consequences. Leading me to feel misunderstood and under- treated for what I was going through. Like everyone else on the planet, I have gone through my fair share of trials and rough relationships. Life comes with trauma. I have also experienced the trauma that no child should ever face.

For healing to take place. I practiced inner child work. That can sound like a myth or mambo jumbo to those who are not familiar with how it works. I don’t want to take too much time today to explain how to do inner child work. I will unpack this topic in a future post. For the purpose of this week, just remember this. Inner child healing was part of the work I did to heal from trauma. It helped me reconcile with past traumas. When I say ‘inner child’, I mean the parts of you from the past. These parts still need some help. They are stuck being young and scared.

When I did this work. It took being present in the moment and in my body. Healing didn’t start until I felt safe in my body, being still. I couldn’t talk or think my way out of the shell I had created around my utmost unresolved hurts. In my healing I had to take time everyday to be present. To like myself. Eventually I found a way to love Me. I had to feel safe spending time with me. To breathe. To feel my feet on solid ground. And to know this is what is real and I will be okay. This work is amplified in the forest. That is what worked for me.

I expect part of the reason I needed this type of healing work was because of chronic pain. When it is always present one tends to push it out of mind. Being present here and now means feeling the pain of what is present here and now. I chose to be somewhere else to escape the chaos in and around me. Now I know better.

Chronic pain is its own trauma. To begin to understand how the nervous system responds to ongoing inescapable stress. Managing pain and managing trauma have to go hand in hand to manage EITHER.

-Dr Glenn Patrick Doyle

Trauma breaks parts of our selves. Basic thoughts get flipped around. Life is good becomes ➡ life is painful. I am safe becomes ➡ I need to always be on high alert. I can trust others becomes ➡ I can’t trust people.

No one tells you how hard it is to rewire your brain. It is challenging to allow amazing things to happen after you have experienced trauma. Healing takes constantly and lovingly reminding your own brain that life is sweet. Soft places and people are everywhere. Miracles are already happening for your good. Accept them.

As adults we are capable of going back to rewire traumatic moments. For example, I had an experience as a young teen on a school bus. I felt attacked and trapped. There were so many negative feelings from that moment of my childhood. I hung on to that memory with its associated negative emotions. Through inner child work, I was capable of going through that moment with adult eyes and adult understanding. Our wounded inner child needs the support of a conscientious parent.

Nothing against any parents out there. We all did our best. We couldn’t be there for every hard moment. We weren’t supposed to be. This is all part of the process. Of learning and growing. As an adult we can go back for those parts that still need healing.

Below I list some of the things we automatically say to ourselves in those triggering moments. This is coming from the wounded child that lives in each of us. She is starving for this work to be done. The second column is what you should say to your inner child. (As I said I will take a deeper dive into this topic in a later post, this is the teaser😉.) You can use the statements in the second column to say to your adult self now as well.

For example, if I make a mistake in my blog, perhaps I have written something incorrect. If it were pointed out publicly. Despite my best efforts. I might initially listen to my wounded child (what others refer to as an inner critic) and become flustered. Instantly the thought goes through my mind. I am flawed and there is something wrong with me. Without inner child work through trauma healing, that thought would stand. I wouldn’t stop to assess the truthfulness of the statement. As a mature adult I can see that is not the way I should talk to anyone. Certainly not a young child, which parts of me are still her. I have more work to do to bring all the parts of me up to speed. It takes time and effort.

When I change my words that I say to myself. I suit them for a young child or anyone I love. In this space, growth can occur. I would change to say these words, Mistakes are part of learning. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human. With those thoughts at the forefront, I have seen my inner child. She feels accepted and can evolve. See if there are any wounded child statements that sound familiar in the chart. If you notive yourself using any, I recommend changing them. Use words a loving, conscientious parent would say to your inner child. The words also apply to your adult self now. Use them internally to begin the healing process.

Wounded ChildConscientious parent
I’m flawed, there is something wrong with meEveryone makes mistakes, we are all human.
I need to make sure everyone is happyIt is not your job to manage other people’s emotions, only yours
I need to hide how I actually feelIt is safe and healthy to feel your emotions
I need to be perfectMaking mistakes is a part of learning
What I have to say isn’t importantIt is safe to be heard and seen, your thoughts and opinions are valuable
I need to hide my mistakesYou do not need to hide, I forgive you
I am invisibleI see you and I hear you
Life has been terrible to meI am so sorry you had to go through that, look for examples of a beautiful life
I am weakYou are perfectly imperfect, powerful beyond measure
It is all my faultWhat someone does to you is never your fault, especially as a child
I dealt with it wrongYou did the best you could do with what you knew at the time
I am all aloneIt is okay to feel lonely sometimes, but you don’t have to, I am right here
Everything I do goes wrongI see you trying the best you can

I saw a word and it ignited in me a desire to do better. To keep working on my inner child healing. From trauma. Medical. Regular growing up stuff. And the stuff that never should have happened. The word is Latibulate. It means to hide in a corner until the situation improves. While I confess I have been a ‘latibulator?’ (not a word) in the past. I am now out of the corner. In the situation. Doing what I can to improve. And a significant measure of that has been improving my inner self talk.

When your nervous system is pressuring you to make every decision based on risk management, as opposed to your actual values & goals, you begin to lose yourself. You end up living a life that has nothing to do with you. Trauma recovery is a “you” search & rescue operation.

-Dr Glenn Patrick Doyle

The best part? It can all be healed. And the effects will significantly improve your overall life. Watch for these signs that healing from trauma is occurring.

7 Signs you are healing from trauma

  • awareness of your trauma and what triggers an emotional response in you
  • ability to maturely express your needs and emotions
  • awareness and gaining control over negative self talk
  • take time for regular check ins with yourself
  • learning how to build healthy boundaries
  • seeking help when stuck
  • REMEMBER: healing is not linear, we wish it was, but it is not!

I share many things in my blog and on social media about my journey. Forest therapy has been my way through. It is the answer to so many of my physical and mental issues. It has supported me as I rewired my nervous system to one of calm and happiness.

If you need help healing from the trauma associated with chronic illness, pain and fatigue. Life trauma. Or traumas of a greater nature. The forest has answers. Forest therapy is a way to slow down and allow natural healing to occur. I facilitate the walk and guide through invitations. And nature does its work.

But look! You are a forest and no matter how many wildfires burn you down you’ll always find a way to grow back.

-Lena Frias

If you want to join me on a forest therapy walk you can contact me @ pam.munkholm@gmail.com to inquire. I will have options and prices listed in the coming weeks on my homepage. Walks begin the first week of April. I love to get out in the winter. And yet, this year has been so icy. I can’t risk another fall.

I will be hosting group walks in different locations in and around Saskatoon all spring, summer and fall. If you are seeking regular weekly walks or one and done. All are welcome. Or you can sign up for my six week program. More information to come. Remember to subscribe to the blog and find me on socials. sunbeamacres.

Much appreciation for making it to the end. I hope this helps someone❣

Navigating Grief: My Journey to Healing

pammunkholm

Grief hits us all differently. No matter the cause or the depth. I personally believe grief hits our nervous systems. It tugs at our nerve strings. If we ignore that tug to care for ourselves, the consequences are far reaching.

In 2020, my condition and its associated unmanageable pain, coupled with stress, led me to my breaking point. What happened? I just read something. But that something broke my mind and then my heart. This experience resulted in my nervous system turning into a bit of a punk. In this post I share the story of my mental breakdown.

Before I get into it, make sure you are subscribed to my Instagram, Facebook and now X! You will want to stay tuned for the plans I have in the works for spring.

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The bravest thing I ever did was rebuilding, when I DID NOT even want, to live.

-John Polo

My Story

My world stopped when I read those two lines. Time stood still or so it seemed until I looked at the clock and 6 hrs had passed.

It was like I had carefully and lovingly built this life. Like building a home. It was a beautiful glass home. I thought I’d finished completion on it recently. Everything was fitting together perfectly after such a long haul to the contrary. So many setbacks. But it was finally starting to making sense. I started to decorate my home.

And then I read those words.

I kept trying to reconfigure in my brain how this would still work and still fit. But it didn’t. What I was reading did not fit in my home. It was all or nothing. This piece of information was so contrary to the home it would not go inside. But it was my home. I just finished building it. It looked so perfect.

I had to decide what was more important. Those words despite the deep hurt they caused… or my beautiful new home. This life I had built. I was not in a position to take them both forward.

So it broke my brain.

My beautiful home started to implode. So many thoughts sent the pieces of glass flying at me. Slicing me in multiple places at once. The image was only that. An image. But the pain was real.

My eyes went dark and a terrible sound rushed into my ears. I standing in the path of a tornado. It went on and on.

This was the only way. Complete separation.

I lay in bed and counted down the hours…to nothing.

There was nothing left to do with my time. Every thought I had about getting up brought me back to the raging tornado.

So I closed my bedroom door and locked it. Shut off the lights and tucked every crack of light out with the blackout curtains. I liked it being so dark I couldn’t tell if my eyes were open or not. That’s when it was easiest not to think. Dead air.

And then when the thoughts broke through the darkness I drowned them out listening to piano music. Naming the notes and translating them from solfege to ABC took my conscious and subconscious brain. Anything to keep them busy.

Any thoughts related to the implosion ripped through me. I had to scribble them out on paper with a pen so hard I’d rip through every time. Even when I put the pen down, my thoughts made me mad at myself. I had to scribble them out in my head. I felt the pen rip through there too.

The days of lying in bed were spent going through the many parts of my life this will alter.

I was so confused. I didn’t know anything anymore. I didn’t trust myself. I decided I just needed to stay small and insignificant.  Sending shrapnel through my mind. The thought, what did I think I was doing? Sending shrapnel through my gut.

I had the Miss Saigon refrain in my own words. 🎵 No plans. No joy. No goals. No change.🎵

Stay small. Stay insignificant. Stay low. These thoughts felt more right. But going along with them felt more wrong.

Depression and nerve pain felt the same. The vibration that spread to my fingertips and through to the ends of my toes was uncomfortable exhausting.

It felt like a break up. But worse. I didn’t want to be reminded of the things that broke my brain. All of it. Stuff and books and papers and notebooks. It all had to be hidden away.

I didn’t even know what to eat. So I didn’t eat anything.

I was on the edge of a cliff. It would be so easy to fall. I’d already felt the crash. It took great force to stay on the cliff. Every thought that imploded another part of the house threatened my safety.

This disease was trying to hide in my brain and gut. A disease of shrapnel. If I coax it all out now, I will most definitely fall. But holding it in was also astonishingly painful.

I wanted to hide. I closed my eyes and put a blanket over my head and pushed my fingers into my eyes. Hiding from the pain of it all.

What am I fighting back for? For things to continue to swirl in a sea of chaos?

I kept checking. Do I have any foundation left in my home? Do I still know what I know and believe what I believe?

I am safe. I am loved.

That was all I could trust at that time.

Three days later I texted my mom. I need help. (Hubby was working out of town)

☝ That is what I wrote in my journal☝ . It was a few weeks later when I started to come out of it. What I read that caused the breakdown doesn’t matter. It was the straw that broke, not the camel’s back. But my brain and heart

There is a Time for Grief

I share this as a way of connecting. If you are experiencing grief I hope you have someone to text. I hope you can find your way to sit with it so you will, in time, let go.

Let go or be dragged.

-Anonymous

Over the River and Through the Woods

My way through the grief was nature. It started with grounding which led me to forest therapy.

These tools helped me retrain my nervous system. from choosing the chaos it was familiar with, to an unfamiliar peace. This initially felt awful. It took time but that balance shifted and eventually I felt peaceful being at peace. I found me again.

In nature I found healing from wounds I wasn’t ready to face any other way. They melted away into the sand and dirt through my bare feet. My nerves found shelter from the strain as I stood in the pouring rain. My doubts were carried away on the wind. The land was a teacher and I the student starving for learning. Joy slowly crept back into my life as I literally took time to smell the flowers. Hope was in my vocabulary once I took time to sit in the sun and feel it reviving me.

It took time. But I found me again. Me, with this new information. A better me. A me prepared to navigate the shifts still to come in my life.

She may be falling apart, but she’s been there before. She’ll take her time as she mourns the pieces she no longer needs and gather the rest of her, the best of her, and with a smile she’ll walk away.

-JM Storm

A Painful Truth

Developing chronic illness, pain, fatigue is devastating. We all stand in need of a time of mourning. A time to say goodbye to the life we’d planned. And then a step forward with care.

I try to take care of my nervous system. I hope I pay attention to those tugs of grief, or overwhelm, or anger. Now I know my emotions are messages my body is sending. I have learned how important it is to listen to them.

A big part of our nervous system healing involves teaching it that it is safe to feel negative emotions. It is safe to feel tired. It is safe to feel uncertain. afraid or incredibly sad. Just because something is unfamiliar doesn’t mean it’s bad. As my nervous system starts to trust me on that point, I am better equipped to face life. And to continue healing.

Loss is part of life and grief is part of love. I don’t want to let go of either.

Be at Peace

What brings you the most peace? Knowing this about yourself is key. Nature is awesomely soothing. Try it. You will be ready and willing to join me soon enough. Together, we can go deeper into our study of forest therapy when spring comes.

Remember, forest therapy is not only for grief but a host of human conditions. Such as the following. Forest therapy can:

  • relieve stress and anxiety
  • improve lung and heart health
  • increase memory and focus
  • improve sleep
  • fight depression
  • improve mood and energy
  • boost immunity
  • speed recovery from injury
  • just to name a few!!!

There is something for all of us to heal from. The forest has an open invitation. I eagerly anticipate working together with you. I invite you to continue to learn and heal and grow with me as we face this beautiful life. Take care!

How to Regulate Your Emotions: 10 Effective Strategies

pammunkholm

Though winter is a brittle beast she snows pure soul in flakes so deep.

-Angie Weiland- Crosby

Despite my greatest efforts there are times I react emotionally. People are difficult and life can be challenging. But this reaction takes a toll on the body, mind and spirit. Especially my chronic comrades.

Minimizing Emotional Reactivity

All of us can attempt to minimize the effect emotional reactivity has on us. I do this by engaging in one or more of the following ten activities. In this post I share with you my top ten ways to minimize emotional reactivity.

These can be done in any order and in your own way and timing.

  1. Breathe. Sit with your feelings and just let them hunker down for the moment. Then breathe some more to allow the feelings to pass. The effort of holding back emotions we don’t want to experience is worse than actually sitting with the feeling itself.
  2. Be curious about what you are feeling. Question it. Where is the feeling in my body? What does it feel like? Burning. Stabbing. Twinging. You can even question, why am I feeling this way? See what answers come up.
  3. This is a hard one. Try to look at things with an outside perspective. Stay open minded and be humbly objective. Perhaps there is something you would do differently given that new perspective. Mentally talking this through with yourself can be quite constructive.
  4. Count to 30 before responding. It gives a chance for the nervous system to calm. This way, there is not a sudden action that you will most definitely regret later. It is healthier to act than to react.
  5. I like this one. Practice self compassion and remember that we are all human. Sometimes we get it right and other times we get it wrong. That is part of growth and development. I choose to be in the arena where my life is advancing. And part of being in that arena is winning and losing. We can’t always win.
  6. If you have the opportunity (not always an option in the moment) journal your thoughts, feelings and intentions. This will assist you in weeding out the opinions of others. Bring it down to you and what is happening in your brain.
  7. “Maybe things are going perfectly”. I have shared this favourite mantra of mine before. It is powerful if you are open enough to believe it. These words and the space they create help me see a positive in even the most dire of circumstances. Maybe this disaster needs to happen for something really important to work out.
  8. Do not judge your feelings. Feelings are human. We all have them. It is what we do with them that determines who we are. Be honest with yourself to see more deeply into your emotions. Stand back and notice. Name the feeling or emotion if you can.
  9. Trust the process. (I saw a meme that said: Does the process know we are trusting it? Hehe) This goes along with #6, maybe things are going perfectly. But in this one there is an added belief that your higher power/ life has got you. That this life is for you and eternal success is your inherent right.
  10. Stay in your own energy. As I write this list and this post I am currently in a squabble with my landlord. I am getting a chance to practice this very list. Here is something I am learning to be truly important. When I act true to myself, I can stay out of emotional reactivity. That can be difficult to do around certain personality types. Some people have such a strong energy. It is vital to take time to look inward and find our own energy and act true to that. Bending to the energy of others takes us away from our truth. And into emotional reactivity.

What else would you add to this list? What helps you come down from emotionally charged situations? Add your answer in the comments.

Having emotions is human. They are a fuse box for our individual experience. When tripped they alert us to danger and help us see where we need better boundaries. It is important to notice your emotions.

The next step, that so many people skip, is crucial. Use your logical brain to decide which parts of the emotion fit the facts of the situation. Don’t allow the emotion to take control of the situation. Use that higher part of your brain to determine how you will respond. Emotions do not give us the right to treat others or ourselves poorly.

My Top Ten Ways to Regulate My Nervous System Once I’ve Been Triggered

If, like me, there are still times in your life where you are unsuccessful, don’t worry. Even if all these steps have failed, there is a way back. Here is my top ten list of how to regulate your nervous system once it has been overloaded.

  1. Exercise. If it is an option for you, get moving. To have the greatest effect you will need to get your heart rate up and your sweat on. This is great for any type of detox that your body needs. Including stress.
  2. Listen to music. Up- level by having a playlist on your music app that is for moments like this. Choose soothing songs that speak to you.
  3. Cry! I used to avoid crying. I thought it was weak and embarrassing. But now I understand it is just another way that our body is supporting itself. Crying releases stress.
  4. Cuddle a pet. Animals are so great at accepting us wherever we are. If you don’t have your own pet, go cuddle a friend’s. Animals are generally emotionally regulated (unless that is challenged by their human’s behaviour). So if you allow your energy to shift to theirs you will find yourself coming back to yourself.
  5. Progressive muscle relaxation. If you haven’t heard of this you can google it. Many meditations that I follow use this as a tool. Essentially you tense a muscle group. Starting in your lower extremities and then moving to the top of your head. So starting with your feet. Tense. Hold for a few seconds and then release. Move up to your lower legs. Tense. Hold. Release. And so on. Connect to your body.
  6. Speaking of meditations. This can look different for all of us. It can be sitting quietly and breathing. Praying to connect to your higher power. Or listening to a meditation app. I highly recommend Insight Timer if you are looking for one to try.
  7. Spend time with friends who get it. Maybe that’s family or maybe you need to schedule a day with your besties. I hope you have someone in your life that can let you talk it out. And help you get to the bottom of your emotions. A paid professional is always an option too. I, personally, think that we all need a therapist.
  8. Hug your person. There is something about holding one another heart to heart that provides a space for compassion and healing. Okay so this one isn’t my favourite. But it’s one I’m working on. I see the value of it.
  9. Get enough sleep. This seems silly when there are so many things vying for our time. And likely, you are a grown adult that can go to bed whenever you want. But getting at least 8 hours of sleep at night will greatly improve your chances of recapturing emotional regulation. And a higher probability of keeping it in the future.
  10. I have it here as #10 but it is actually my #1. Can you guess? Forest therapy! Even in the cold of Saskatchewan, there are days and ways to get some nature time in. Bundle up. Pick your spot. And enjoy what nature gives freely. Given enough time, you will regulate your nervous system with forest therapy. If you’d like to learn more, subscribe to the blog and watch for all I have coming in the spring. You can also contact me with any questions about forest therapy. Ask me about how to use it for all types of healing.

These have all worked for me in the past. Sometimes I need to try one or two. Take time to consider what works for you. Perhaps you will need to try a few before your emotions start to fizzle as well.

I mentioned that I would get to how sensory overload is different for my chronic comrades. When our emotions are running high we tend to go into sensory overload. Does this sound familiar to you when you’ve been emotionally triggered?

Unfortunate equation: chronic pain + too much stimuli = more pain. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by seemingly minimal inputs but you can’t explain it to anyone? Like: The lights are on. People are talking. The music is playing on the tv downstairs. My bra is on. I suddenly have too much hair. And my teeth feel weird. What is wrong with you people? Isn’t everyone else suffering from all of this stimuli?

Never fear. All is well. We have a list of ways to avoid being emotionally reactive. We also have a backup list of what to do if those don’t work.

It’s okay to be sensitive. That’s what happens when you have magic in your heart.

-dannys_moments_poetry

That’s it for this week my friends. Take care of yourselves.

Mindfulness and Intentions: A New Year’s Guide

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A great hope fell. You heard no noise. The ruin was within.

-Emily Dickinson

The purpose of this post is to encourage you. Do not enter the new year with those words of Emily Dickinson as your guide. It can be easy to over shoot in our plans for the celebration of this night. Followed shortly thereafter by overwhelm at the thought of executing our way through the year itself.

I posted the following on Instagram this week. As taught by Jack Cornfield. If you aren’t connected to me there, look me up @sunbeamacres. The pictures are from one of my more recent forest therapy walks.

Author Kristin Neff said,

We hold ourselves to unrealistic standards of perfection and then we judge ourselves when we don’t live up to them. The thing is, we aren’t supposed to be perfect. But we are supposed to transform.

Are New Year’s Resolutions For You?

Goals are great. But they don’t have to start at the beginning of the year. And when January 3rd comes around and you missed a day, it is not the end. You can actually try again. And here’s the kicker, you don’t even have to feel bad about it!

Shocking, I know

It can be overwhelming at this time of year to hear everyone talking about their resolutions. Especially if that isn’t your thing. (It does not have to be your thing, shh it’s a secret! Don’t upset the status quo.)

IF you are a goal setter. And IF you find renewed strength to try again at the beginning of the year, I applaud you. The rest of us will be over here attempting not to be intimidated and feel bad about ourselves around you.

We will just keep doing our best.

But where to start?

Suzuki Roshi said,

The most important thing is remembering the most important thing.

How do you know what your most important thing is? It will be different for you than for others. And it will change at various seasons of your life.

Intention

The word intention has become muddled in recent years. But if you think of it as where the compass of your heart is pointing. What is your intention for this year?

We get to decide. We get to set where the compass points. But what will be most transforming for us is to follow those glimpses and glimmers our heart is giving us. I suggest this is what lines us up to our true north. Set your compass to your true north for exponential transformation.

Mindful like a… Sniper?

If you were to sit mindfully to consider your upcoming year. What thoughts and ideas would you be open to find? Which brings up another muddle-y word of late. Mindful.

To be mindful is to be present, to see things clearly. But if that alone was the criteria then snipers would be the world’s most mindful people. If you were to picture a mindful retreat, are snipers the central figures? It confused AI. This picture would not generate without all the guns being pointed at one another.

Oooooohm. Does the process know we are trusting it?

To be mindful then, we are attempting to see clearly. AND we need to know why we are being mindful. There needs to be purpose. Your purpose at this time might be setting your intentions for the year. AND finally, we need to be aware of how we are paying attention. Is it with attitude? Or judgment? Pause to consider how that difference would affect your ability to be mindful. And in tune to the intention of your heart.

To put this all together. To define mindfulness. It is intentionally paying attention in a kind and open way.

Join me in intentionally paying attention. In a kind and open way. As we decide where the compass of our individual heart is pointing. To combat any New Year overwhelm.

A New Pattern to Transformation

I also suggest a new pattern, Instead of goal, success, success, fail, success, fail, give up. How about, Rhythm. Rest. Renewal, Restoration.

Your rhythm is your own. Are you familiar with your rhythm? It is your tempo. Your beat. Your movement. One must sit still, alone, long enough to sense their own rhythm. Where are you going too fast? Where do you need a more consistent pace? Find your rhythm. Sense it. Protect it.

Rest is healing. Rest is right. Rest is not lazy. Rest is not wasteful. Rest is often the most profitable thing you can do for your body and your soul. Rest is when growth happens. When you go to the gym and push your muscles. The fibers of those muscles sustain damage or injury. AFTER the workout, the body repairs those fibers by fusing them which increases the mass and size of the muscles. When we seek higher learning. We push our minds to take in and retain information. It feels like the information is going to start leaking out of our ears. There is hardly time to sleep. But in getting less sleep the ability to take in information is more challenging. In resting comes growth and renewal.

Renewal is to replenish. To make effective for an additional period. What if we take time to rest and are made more effective for an additional period? Instead of pushing ourselves to the brink and then resting. I am still learning how to do this myself. I have to keep going back to my rhythm. Not feeling pushed to match the rhythm of others around me. At this time of renewal of glad tidings. Of goals. Of generosity. Take time for renewal of yourself.

Restoration. To bring back into existence. To bring back to a former state of health, soundness or vigor. There are days I need to be brought back into existence. This can happen at the end of a long day or sadly, the very beginning. While my desire to have my former state of health is considerable. I will take any amount or form of restoration that comes from this pattern.

In a Nutshell

Set your goals within reach. Do not strive for perfection. Seek instead for transformation. Find YOUR most important thing. Sit mindfully to set the compass of your heart to know where and how the transformation can take place. Have your new pattern for this year be rhythm, rest, renewal, restoration. Find and protect your rhythm. Enjoy and seek rest. Recognize the renewal that opens to restoration. Rinse and repeat.

Chronic Comrades

My sweet broken- feeling chronic comrades. Chronic mental and physical illness, chronic pain, chronic fatigue. The following verse makes my heart both melt into it because somebody is speaking to my soul. While at the same time it cringes for what we have suffered.

Maybe one intention for the year would be to make peace with our “monsters”. 

every night she
sings lullabies
to her burdens
and fears because
that's what has 
to be done. 
the monsters
have to fall
asleep before 
she can.
-JmStorm

Know you are seen and understood comrades. Then work to diagnose and soothe your “monsters”-physical and mental, seen and unseen. In any way that works for you. Forest therapy is among the tools in your toolbox.

Crushing it…

My greatest intentions for the year will be in this forest therapy business. Stay tuned to see my rates, days & times, 6 wk starter packs, subscription boxes, etc. I am excited to finish developing and start sharing with all of you for the spring.

Take care my friends. I sincerely hope it is a Happy New Year.

Finding Strength in Nature During Winter

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I have loved her my little wanderer, with a mind full of wild forests and eyes that await adventures.

-Connie Cernik

We Are Nature

Have you ever considered how closely connected we are to nature? We have only to look at the pictures below to tap into that relationship. What does this awareness do for our psyche through the months of snow? Darkness and cold are the norm in places like Saskatchewan. We can fall into bouts of depression if we are not aware. We must also be willing to do something about it. Something as seemingly insignificant as looking at the next images can invite more positive vibes.

Lungs and trees, eyes and roots, tree branches and placenta, leaf veins and human veins and a network of rivers. We are nature and nature is in us. We are created to gain from this connection. How can you connect in the winter months? Choose your space and length of time wisely. When you have time to go, consider these images and find more connections between your body and nature.

A Flare of a Week

This has been a week. One of those. You know the kind. I find it hard to think with any depth. I read but it goes in one eye and out the other. The more I strain to discern the more fuzzy my brain feels. I am drawn to images more than words. If you could match your week to an image, what image would it be? Add your image in the comments!

This has been my week. Shout out to @giselledekel for the apt illustrations. They define what I am feeling. What I can’t put it into words. As far as I know, Giselle did not intend to portray chronic fatigue and pain. And yet, in my estimation, she nailed it.

Make it stop. I will do anything to make the pain stop.

Actual footage of me going to get a drink.
When one is stuck in bed for any length of time the positions into which one gets range widely. Having been stuck in bed for two days myself I think I will lose my mind soon. My body craves movement but I have a joint stuck out in my lower back. The muscles spasm after sitting or standing for a few minutes. What does one do when what the body needs in one way contradict what is needed in another?
Me by noon if I got one on at all.
Sometimes all one needs is a little ‘spring’. Don’t worry, spring will come again.
Constant. fog. Can’t focus. What was I saying? Where am I going? Why did I come in here?
The question is, how much do I actually need to pee? Is this an emergency or can it wait till tomorrow? I’ll wait.
Too tired to get out of bed to grab the cord. In chronic illness this is not laziness, this is of necessity.
Come on, Pam. We have to do the things. ‘Coming!’
You are doing better than you know.

Sometimes I feel useless because I compare my day to someone who is not struggling with chronic illness. I think showing up daily means giving 100%. But 100% is going to look different on different days. Maybe one day will be spent taking care of myself, the next resting, the next a combination of the two. And maybe that’s ok.

When I have a week like this one, I need to remember something important. Where there is a flare up, there is also a flare down. These symptoms will subside. Like Mumford and Sons suggest, I can learn to love the skies I’m under. Despite how dim those skies appear at times.

Beware the Weight

What are you carrying under your dim skies? We all carry something. Is it necessary to carry that weight? Some weight is. But other weight is bigger and heavier than we were meant to bear. Are you carrying a mountain that you were supposed to climb instead? Be in tune to the weight you carry. Weight is what helps us grow and get stronger. But it is also what squishes us. We will be more successful in all areas of life if we are open to putting unnecessary weight down. What can you put down to lighten your load this season?

Is your definition of success and your current inability to achieve it an extra weight you can put down? There are times I need to be reminded that my success will be different from that of others. Maybe my success is what I have become as I seek to regulate my nervous system. Maybe the only needed success at this time is not to compare myself to others. Creating a life that is mine. Having genuine and close relationships. The ability to heal from past mistakes. Setting and expecting boundaries to be kept. Knowing my own worth. Knowing how to show up for myself. Speaking kindly to myself. And knowing when and how to let go. Not abilities highly sought after these days. Yet in terms of growth these traits are far from inconsequential.

Having Fun this Christmas Season

Despite the weight and the hard days, there are still opportunities to have fun this Christmas season. Though as C.S. Lewis said,

Have fun, even if it’s not the same kind of fun everyone else is having.

I don’t always know what will add to my fun. But I understand that certain types of fun are difficult for my body. Trying to have such fun will not add to my enjoyment in the long run. This can be difficult and lead to feelings of abandonment and depression.

But there is a type of fun that will work for everyone. It will look different for each person but we start with the same questions. Gabrielle Roth explains that in many shamanic societies, a medicine person would ask one of four questions if you complain of being depressed. The first question is, when did you stop dancing? Second, When did you stop singing? Next, When did you stop being enchanted by stories? And finally, When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

So this Christmas season, have fun and keep dancing (literally or figuratively). Sing, find enchantment in stories, and find comfort in silence. Find time for novalunosis- the state of relaxation and wonderment experienced while gazing upon the stars. I love stars.

Adopt a slower pace and own it.

Survival

When each day feels like I am barely surviving I start to feel so small. As though there is so much going on in the world and I am missing it all. I am falling behind and being forgotten. I am a moot point. What can I offer the world from my bed? Then I remember these words by Brene Brown.

One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.

I do not write to complain or to invite sympathy, I show my scars so that others can heal.

The Power of Love

This time of year we start to think of our favorite things. We make lists of what to get and what to give. If you were to list all of the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself? There is a power in loving yourself. Not a prideful love but a quiet knowing and enjoying. Maybe it’s something we can all work on in the new year.

In my journey of wellness through forest therapy I am finding the real me. Would you like to do the same? Would you like these words to be said of you?

She was powerful not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on so strongly despite the fear.

-Atticus Poetry

In Conclusion

We are nature. Recognize the connections in your short and sweet forest time. When you have a week like mine, success will look different. Check that the weight you are carrying is of worth to you. Keep having fun, dancing, singing and finding enchantment. Find wonder in the stars. Allow yourself to move slower this season instead of faster. You are wintering. Do not feel small in your trials, you are going to be the way out for someone else. On a list of things you love, make sure your name is close to the top. Find yourself and your strength despite the fear.

The trees know about the winter. About the change. About the falling. About the loss. And they grow anyway, What’s your excuse?

– Erin Van Vuren

The Spoon Theory Explained: Managing Energy Wisely

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The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event. You go to bed in one kind of world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment, then where is it to be found?

-JB Priestly

We are not all so thrilled to see the snow falling today in our area. But I realized something important. When I looked at my grandson’s eyes, so big and shiny as he looked out the window. Pointing and gasping as though we put it there just for him. There is a way to see this new world as magical and beautiful.

Even for those of us who are suffering as the weather shifts. I mentioned the spoon theory in an earlier post. I want to go back over the basics of it as we commence today’s post.

The spoon theory is an analogy. People with chronic illness often use it to explain how their daily energy is limited. Spoons in this analogy represent units of energy. We have a finite number of spoons for each day. We must carefully choose where spoons are ‘spent’. This requires effort. Even the smallest daily tasks can consume a lot of your day’s energy. Tasks like preparing and eating food or attending an event are examples. The need to thoughtfully consider how we manage this is great.

For those who do not suffer in this way, the following infographic will prove most beneficial.

Something that I will acknowledge takes multiple spoons is showering. I share with you my guide:

How to Shower as a Spoonie

  1. gather your supplies and your resolve, we can do this
  2. start shower, warm, but not too warm, but definitely not too cold, that would be disastrous
  3. enter shower, step carefully, we don’t need any new damage
  4. use shampoo (the right one, nobody knows which one that is, but definitely don’t use something that has chemicals, newsflash, they all do)
  5. when rinsing out the shampoo you will likely need to sit down and rest for a time, perhaps have a snooze
  6. get back up, God speed, all of the blood will now be rapidly drained from your brain to your lower extremities leaving you sluggish and dizzy
  7. apply conditioner as you simultaneously embrace the shower wall for support
  8. briefly consider just calling this good
  9. rally 👏👏👏
  10. apply soap to areas easy to reach and just let it slide to the parts you can’t
  11. while leaning ever more excessively on the wall rinse what conditioner you can
  12. exit shower and haphazardly dry off
  13. feel rotten and go to bed with your wet towel
  14. cancel the plans you had because now you have been rendered useless
  15. see? we’ve done it! without a hitch. beautifully executed

Have you ever gotten to the end of your spoons before you got to the end of your day? I often have. What is to be done in such a case? Can you restock your spoon supply? Sometimes the answer is no and the best thing to do is to go to bed and try again tomorrow. And that’s okay!

At times I am getting to the end of my spoons and I can see the day stretching out. I have found a few things that help to restock SOME of my spoons. Or at least it is helping me use what spoons I have left wisely.

Restocking your Spoons

Turning off and tuning out has been a life saver. I put my phone on airplane mode and I will go to a dark and quiet space. I can breathe deep, meditate and just BE without all the distractions.

Comforting food or drink. We have to be careful when choosing foods. I suggest finding one to have on hand for emergencies. Or maybe you are a tea person. A tea break is a great way to slow down.

At times exercise is the right call; though only to the degree that your body will allow. Maybe a stretch is right for some people?

There is nothing wrong with a nap. If that is what your body needs to regenerate then nap away. No shame!

And then there’s my favorite. A bath. I love the soothing warmth and having my body suspended where I don’t have to hold it together.

If you wonder why you are so tired, why we start each day with so few spoons. Consider the fact that our sleep is not the same quality and effectiveness as those without chronic illness. It’s unfortunate but true.

Recognize your limits. Pay attention to them. There is always much to do in a day but make sure you don’t end up like this Little Miss.

Pace yourself. Rest. Take breaks. We have to practice being still. And feeling okay with being still. Often it goes against ever part of our being. But maybe this is how we survive.

And on the days we are not okay?

You are worthy of so many things. Your illness and the limitations it causes do not minimize your worth. At all. And yet. A word of warning, the battle raging in your body is helping you become the person you are becoming. For better or for worse. Choose to make it for the better.

My symptoms have been varied and particularly pesky this month, this year. I am inspired by this Latin phrase. alis volat propriis. Translation: ‘she flies with her own wings’. We feel weak but we are truly strong. We often need to figure things out in our own way and timing. We fall. But still we rise.

To close, I’d like to give our non-spoonie readers another guide. This guide will help you support any of your spoonie friends and family.

Spoonie Translator

In response to “how are you?” we say, “fine thanks!”

This is not even remotely true, don’t trust us.

Translation: I am just barely holding things together but I like to try to blend in

When we say I have a doctor’s appointment coming up

Sounds like a bit of factual information, no big deal

In reality we are worried about it and might need support during &/or after

I wish I were able to work

And you think, “sure but isn’t it nice to stay home all day?”

We really would rather work, join the rest of the world, and make our mark, plus income is always nice

I am tired

“Me too” sounds like a reasonable response but that would be comparing apples and chronic fatigue

Translation: I need to quit now. I probably should have quit a while ago.

I wish I didn’t have… fill in the blank

Do you sometimes think, why do you have to talk about it so much?

Translation: I am devastated by the physical, mental, emotional, financial, employment, etc. changes my illness has brought.

Actual footage of me holding things together

Sometimes we just need to laugh. It’s a good coping mechanism. I hope I have brought a brightness and laugh to your day. Maybe a connection where you think, me too! Let me know in the comments.

How wonderful it is that we laugh because our bodies cannot contain the joy.

-unknown

If you’re enjoying the blog, hit subscribe so you never miss a post. I’d love if you’d share this post with anyone you think it would help. Take care my friends.

Ways to Calm Your Overactive Nervous System: including but not limited to Forest Therapy!

pammunkholm

Here I sit beneath a tree,

Heartbeat calm

Soul hums free.

-Angie Weiland- Crosby

The conversation I am hearing around any table, in any social situation, is a desperate pleading for less stress, calmer nerves, more down time. Any way you put it, people are worn out. The phrase I choose to use in this space, is that we each have a deep need to regulate our nervous system. Which requires less stress and finding a way to calm our nerves.

So how do we go about doing this?

If only it were this easy!

Do A, B and C and your nervous system will be regulated. If only there were a list of instructions. But any of us who suffer from an easily activated system know from experience that once you allow that “jack-in-the-box” out, it is really difficult to squish him back in. Once you have had a breakdown of nerves aka a nervous breakdown it is really difficult to bring them back to normal function.

But! The good news is that it can be done.

There are many good ways to calm a dysregulated immune system. My number one favourite way is forest therapy. In the forest we find peace. We find rest and rejuvenation. It’s not just from the nice scenery.

There are many principles to forest therapy that I can teach to help you find the benefit of the forest when we go on a walk together.

As a forest therapy guide I am trained to lead you to the most valuable use of your precious time by sharing invitations to bring the benefits into your being and to take aspects of the forest home with you to keep that regulated feeling flowing.

I have to admit there are many other ways to regulate an overactive nervous system but I hold to the opinion that forest therapy is best!

Think of anything that brings you calm. We are not talking about ignoring your emotions while binge watching Disney movies and eating copious amounts of junk food. What we seek is the calm that feeds you. When you finish this type of activity, you feel better than when you started.

Some of my other ways to support my nervous system are: fun with family and friends, going to church, helping others, being creative or expressing gratitude.

Then there are the therapies that are also supportive. Red light therapy. Detoxing.

When our nervous system is overactive there is an over abundance of cortisol present. Cortisol is a good hormone in appropriate amounts. But like anything, too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

Cortisol’s acidic nature can cause a breakdown in lymphatic tissue and can lead to the flow of fluid being reduced. Grounding (connecting bare skin to the earth or a grounding mat) can support the breakdown of cortisol and improving lymphatic fluid flow.

Many of us who suffer from chronic conditions have a buildup of lymphatic fluid. A quick tip for this week is to either hum, bounce on a rebounder (you don’t even have to leave the mat, just a small bounce) OR tap your chest with your first three fingertips to clear some of this fluid daily. If there has been buildup you may notice a lot of phlegm in your throat. Nasty, but success!

For everyone, there is a chronic health epidemic regarding our nervous systems and we are all vulnerable, I believe this epidemic is due in part to the attitude we have developed around work, money and our own self worth.

If you look at the terms we use for money you will notice how they can also be used when talking about an individual and how they see themselves. The value of a dollar is nothing compared to the value of each human being. Our net worth can be high and our self worth low.

If we’ve spent years finding our worth in our productivity our nervous systems perceive play and rest as unsafe.

But maybe rest is exactly what we need!

Instead of asking, ‘Have I worked hard enough to deserve rest?’, I’ve started asking, ‘Have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work?’ – Jane Hobbs

Whatever work that may be. Employment. Raising children. Caring for aging parents. Putting our creative work out into the world. A combination of these. Or none of these. For some of us, taking care of our bodies is a full time job because that is the only way out of this powerful cycle of dysregulation.

Brene Brown said, It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.

Relatable?

May I offer a suggestion to choose your rest spot well?

Certain members of my family who shall remain nameless are so good at falling asleep they could make it an Olympic event. It’s a form of art, the noises they can make and how wide the mouth can hang open as they drift further and further into dreamland; it’s quite impressive. Ok I admit I am one of them, but these stories are not about me!

One day after hours of errands, one family member got in the car, leaned the seat back and closed their eyes. Upon waking, through blinking, fuzzy eyesight they saw a man wandering unnervingly close to their car and looking directly at them with eyebrows furrowed.

He was not the only one on the scene as there was a bus stop directly across from Sleeping Beauty and we have surmised our family member must have looked dead. That man waiting for the bus must have gotten quite a shock when the concern that brought him to peer into the windshield, turned to surprise that the dead had awoken.

Another time. Anther family member. This time a truck and a moment to nap on the side of the road that turned to dread upon waking hours, that’s right, plural, hours later to wonder how many friends had witnessed the scene. They’d had plenty of opportunity to drive by over all those hours. Possibly more than once since it was a popular intersection for all that know this nameless family member.

Here’s an approach to shifting that perspective. From exhaustion as a status symbol to doing what is best for us. I hope this sticks more than a mere invitation to get your rest, I offer to you two words of the week. Hurkle Durkle and Ramfeezled.

Ramfeezled: An 18th Century term for wrung out, tired and exhausted. Let’s stand up to the world’s judgment and have a nap before we become ramfeezled. And we will NOT allow exhaustion to be our status symbol. We choose life.

Hurkle- Durkle: A 200- year- old Scottish term meaning to lounge in bed long after it is time to get up. Happiness is Hurkle-Durkling. When your body needs rest, find time and a way to rest. When your energy is depleted find a time to Hurkle- Durkle. It is refreshing to get the amount of sleep one’s body needs.

You know how when you plug your phone in to the cord and leave it all night only to find the other end wasn’t plugged into the wall? It got no charge from being only plugged in on one end.

That is what it can feel like to someone with chronic fatigue/ pain/ illness. The stress on our body to exist can become too much some days. And exhaustion is the reality.

Have you experienced this type of fatigue? Being tired and being fatigued are quite different.

Please be aware of the beings in your world that require extra rest. It can be quite devastating to wake up after hours of sleeping and still be exhausted. Or to have a small window of the day to get things done before the body is showing signs of stress and fatigue.

We all experience moments of fatigue. However, if you are one of those that wakes up fatigued everyday and then goes about their endeavors as best they can like a boss, I see you, I recognize what it costs you, you are not alone.

Never. And I mean Never feel bad about taking a nap or getting a rest when your body needs it.

I invite you to allow the effects of the forest to heal your dysregulated nervous system. It can help bring your cortisol levels under control in a shorter period of time than other ways I’ve tried. Arrange your life to allow time to rest when your body needs to rest. Have you rested enough to do your most loving and meaningful work? Say yes to rest but choose your rest spot wisely! Find time to hurkle- durkle and don’t become ramfeezled. I can show you how.

Join me in the forest. Head to my contacts page to book or to make inquiries. Take care of yourselves.

Finding Joy Amid Chronic Illness: The Role of Glimmers

pammunkholm

Doctor: You need to learn to listen to your body.

Me: Oh we’re not on speaking terms.

Has anyone else felt this way? As with so many things, my remedy for this circumstance is to get into the forest. Especially these beautiful fall days. Even still, some days all I can do is seek dopamine squirts.

Wait, what is squirting?!? Allow me to clarify.

What is dopamine? It is a chemical messenger made in the brain to communicate between nerves and cells in your brain and between your brain and the rest of your body. Dopamine also acts as a hormone. It is known as the “feel- good” hormone.

When do I need dopamine? It is mainly involved in movement, memory, behaviour and cognition, attention, sleep and arousal, mood and learning. It also plays a small role in the fight or flight response. While it has many functions we will focus on it’s ability to give one a sense of pleasure.

Why are dopamine hits so supportive to a chronic pain sufferer? When pain is the central focus of the day, anything that produces a feel- good effect is significant.

As a side note, if anyone wonders whether you can just focus on something else, this isn’t always an option, let alone prudent. In my case, I need to keep track. Where is the pain, what needs to be loosened, will this activity produce more pain later, is there anything I should do to treat the pain, am I in too much pain and need to cancel plans ,,,again, etc.

These and many more thoughts related to my pain guide my plans for the day and for my life. When these are the constant and distressing thoughts, a squirt of something that makes me feel good is a welcome shift.

How do I feel when I have a dopamine squirt? Happy, motivated, alert, focused.

Living with chronic illness requires an intricate balance between ignoring your symptoms so you can live and listening to your body to survive. – @chelseahealinghappily

May I propose a way of living that I find softens the days. I suggest it for everyone but particularly those living with chronic pain. See if you can follow my train of thought as you view these images.

These photos stood out to me this week. They spoke to my need to feel joy by thinking young, acting young. and finding others to be young alongside. Ride the bikes. Make a pig nose on the window. Find a jump rope. Lay in the grass. Be the joy.

And on the days when these and other activities are not an option, rest. There is more than one way to rest. Sleep is important and so is feeling peace. Can you sense what peace would feel like if you let go and decided right now to live in joy and love? To follow the examples of those set in the photos above? It Will Bring You Rest.

We have all heard of triggers. We all know some of our triggers and are surprised when new ones pop up. Triggers are something or someone to avoid. Triggers generally mean there is something big going on internally that we may not have an understanding of where it came from or how to deal with it. We are left unsure of how to meet our needs. Here are some of my triggers:

Body: need to lie down (gr)

Anxiety: but we have so much to do (welp)

Depression: let’s just sleep forever (ugh)

Insomnia: lol, good luck (noooo)

Pain: *kicks in door* SUP GUYS! (we meet again)

Triggers are inconvenient to say the least. But have you heard of Glimmers? They are the opposite of a trigger. These are small moments of beauty and joy that help to regulate our nervous systems. They cue safety. They instill peace and evoke joy. They improve mood and mental health. Over time they build nervous system resilience. Each day brings the opportunity for hundreds of glimmers. Are you noticing them? Noticing these moments will add up over time and can become part of your healing practice. Become a glimmer- seeker.

A fabulous place to find glimmers is in the forest. Join me for a forest walk. Reach out to me on my contacts page. If you are enjoying the blog hit subscribe so you never miss a post and so others that may need it can find it. I appreciate all the love and all the sharing.

In the entire circle of the year there are no days so delightful as those of a fine October.

Get out and enjoy the colours and the changes of fall. Enjoy getting in touch with your younger self this week!

Regaining Control

pammunkholm

Like most people I like to be in control. Have you ever felt completely out of control of your life? I have that feeling far less these days. Do you want to know what changed? It’s decidedly not because my life got easier. My life is actually a whole mess of mayhem. If you see yourself in this description and want to learn how to uphold control despite the daily dumpster fire, read on.

I was compelled to quit my life a few years ago. It had been overloaded for too long and my body and brain decided to quit their day job. They had had enough of this nonsense. If I wasn’t going to take care of them, they weren’t going to take care of me.

People say they can’t slow down or everything will fall apart. Especially as the mom. You are the hub of the family. Everyone comes to you for everything. To find the things. To remember the things. To carry the things. To get them and their things to the places. To talk things out. To orchestrate the things that need to happen. If you weren’t there, what would happen to all the things? It would be a disaster. Right? Of course right!

I had that feeling of impending doom when it was decided and my mom came to pick me up and take me to her house. I had suffered a serious breakdown. I learned something that felt like it was going to leave a permanent gash in my life, I kept picturing shards of glass ripping through me as I realized all the ways it would require me to adjust my life plans. It seemed as though it was leaving a hole not just in my life but in me. I had felt the pressure getting to be too much and this bit of information was the final straw.

Brent was working out of town so he couldn’t take care of me. My boys were old enough to take care of themselves but not to take care of their mother too. I started bawling as my mom and I were leaving my house. I didn’t want to leave my life. My heart was breaking as we were leaving my boys. So we brought Riley along as tribute. I was so tired. I was so overwhelmed. I was a 40 yr old going to her mom’s house to be taken care of. And my family and life would fall apart while I was away. And I just had to go. I had to let go and let it all fall apart.

Would you trust them? Just kidding, I love them and all of their crazy.

And oh boy, did it ever fall apart. My only son left in high school started failing classes. Handedly. I had teachers reaching out to me that I had to ignore. The thought of answering an email filled me with dread. The thought of trying to figure out or take care of anything was debilitating. Panic inducing. Add to that, not only was I not in my home to care for it, but there were three young adult/teenage boys living there. Molly maids they are not. The animals weren’t getting the care they needed. The yard looked like nobody had lived there in years with overgrown patches of yard the boys weren’t getting to mowing. I’d go home every two weeks when Brent was home. So I’d step back into my life and see how poorly it was doing without me. We would try to catch up and then head back out the door. For half a year we lived that way.

This sounds like a lot of complaining and it was really hard but that’s not why I’m bringing it to this audience. The reason I bring it here is to say that while you stop to take care of yourself, some things will suffer. That may be true and that has to be ok. Because if you keep not taking care of yourself, I am your cautionary tale. Life may come to a catastrophic juncture where stopping to care for yourself will be the only viable option. If you think you can’t stop moving or you will drop everything, you are carrying too much. Let some things go or do them differently to give yourself space to breathe. You need to be able to breathe. And everyone and everything will adjust. It may fall apart but it will come back together better than you can now picture in your weighed down state.

Maybe you don’t need to make a change as drastic as I did. Maybe you are not in crisis mode. In that case, recognize your needs and if there is no room in your life to fill those needs, make a change. Let go of something that might initially feel too important. But consider yourself. And make room for you!

Do you have your own thing? I’d love to see in your comments what your thing is. What brings you calm and helps you feel like you can step back into your life a stronger person when you’ve had time to do this thing? If you don’t have a thing, find one. We each need something that brings the stress level down and returns us back to who we are. I find I need to see friends often. I need to get out of my house and talk to someone else and laugh and complain and eat yummy food and then I can go home and enjoy spending time with my family again. I need my daily and weekly spiritual and physical strengthening practices. I am finding new uses of my time and energy that I wouldn’t even have considered, had I not been forced to make that mid- course correction.

Photo by Carlos Rubio Tristan on Pexels.com

One of those new ways to use my time that I have found to be of greatest benefit, of course, is forest therapy. I need time to ground and be still and immerse myself in nature and what she has to offer. Plus this hits some of my physical and spiritual practices for the day as well. Bonus.

If your new thing could be joining me in forest therapy, head over to my contact page to book a walk with me to learn how to take it all in. It can be your thing and it can move you to healing. In whatever way you need it. We all need some type of healing even if we don’t see it when we begin.

These days I am making an effort to slow down and recognize when a transition is happening in life. I try not fight it. I don’t stand in the way of change. I try to recognize the shifts that are naturally occurring and then decide what I will do moving forward based on the new information. I try not to stay too long in the this-isn’t-fair lane. That lane never moves forward and stays backed up for miles. Best to merge out of that lane asap.

I’m learning that there can be good in every change. Even the changes that hurt the most. That day was so painful for me. But in hindsight it was vital. It reminds me of the time I cut myself in the webbing between my index finger and thumb. I went to get stitches. After a week, the wound wasn’t healing. It was such a hard place to keep clean and dry while I had a mountain of toddlers and laundry. I kept hoping it would get better but I wasn’t doing anything to fix it. I just kept covering it up and ignoring the pain. But that wound just needed to dry out. I had to rip the band aid off and stop 👏 doing👏 the dishes 👏 and let the painful healing process take place. The process of healing in myself and my family after my breakdown required of me a different way forward than I’d expected to take. I needed to step away. I needed to uncover the wound and let it breathe. And in the process my boys learned great things. For one, a true appreciation for all that I do in just being around.

My life looks a lot different than I thought it would this many years later. But it’s pretty awesome. Some things I could not picture any better. Some things I’d still like to see improve. But overall I feel more in control now than I did when I thought I had it all under control and actually it just hadn’t fallen apart yet.

If you see yourself in this post, take care of yourself sweet friend.